Review: BLOODY MARY AND THE NINE DAY QUEEN, Union Theatre

“If bloody’s what they call me, then bloody’s what I’ll be”

Even from the title of Bloody Mary and the Nine Day Queen, one can tell whose side writer Gareth Hides is on. The new musical, directed by Adam Stone, tells the story of Mary I of England (Cezarah Bonner) and Lady Jane Grey (Anna Unwin), cousins who were caught up in a battle for the Queendom after the death of Edward VI (played by a literal puppet), the son of Henry VIII. The title of the show comes from the nicknames for the two women, with Mary executing Jane after convicting her of treason for her nine-day reign as Queen of England and Ireland. 

The first act mostly focuses on John Dudley, the Duke of Northumberland (Constantine Andronikou), who uses his power over Edward VI to ensure that Mary does not become queen after the young king’s death. Jane is introduced as a pawn in Northumberland’s schemes, being married off by her father, Henry Grey (Gareth Hides), to Northumberland’s son, Guildford Dudley (Johnnie Benson).

Jane is portrayed as an intelligent but pious seventeen-year-old girl who is dedicated to God as a passionate Protestant. Unfortunately, it feels as though each actor is in an entirely different play - Bonner appears to be in a historical drama, Andronikou seems as though he has popped out of an episode of Scooby-Doo and Unwin plays Jane as though she’s Jesus in a church pageant (more on that later).

The show is almost entirely sung-through, going from song to song and leaving awkward pauses where audience members are unsure whether to clap or not. And, even though the singing is consistent, the genres of the songs certainly aren’t. Songs like “Smile” and “Hitched” are comedic and feel as though they could have kick lines with a bigger cast, while others like “Turn This Around” and “Faithful” have come straight from a hymn book. There is even a bizarre nightmare scene in which Mary dances the tango with the deceased Northumberland, but the band - David Gibson (Piano/MD), Migdalia van der Hoven (Drums) and Yvonne Yo (Violin) are able to switch as needed while keeping a solid sound. 

Something emphasised in the show’s description is how it is “serious in tone but laced with moments of humour.” If anything, the reality is the opposite, with comedy being king and the more sincere moments coming second. In a song she sings directly to musical director Gibson, Mary sings, “The Duke has made a boo boo” without any touch of irony in her tone. When Guildford tries to convince Jane to enjoy her time as queen, one of their servants comes in, saying “Your highness, the bubble bath is ready,” handing over a rubber duck. The character of King Philip II of Spain is reduced to stereotype, with Benson putting on a comically large moustache, speaking and singing with a heavy accent and dancing around with a rose in his mouth. 

For a show that claims to be “a compelling and accessible take on a lesser-known chapter in Tudor history,” there are also plenty of historical inaccuracies that may confuse those who are unfamiliar with a time period that is, actually, very well-known, with the historical figures within being portrayed in plays, television series and even operas. 

There is nothing in this musical about the Lord Protector, Edward Seymour, who played an important role in Jane’s life. In fact, the entirety of Jane’s nine days as queen is completely ignored, with a single song going straight from Jane’s coronation to her imprisonment. Jane’s father, Henry Grey (Gareth Hides, who also plays the traitorous priest, John Feckenham), was executed twelve days after his daughter, so there is no way that Mary would have been able to tell Jane that her father converted to Catholicism to save himself, only to be killed anyway, as is portrayed here.

Another aspect of the show that cannot be left unsaid is its emphasis on religion and how only Jesus can save. The Crowdfunder site for the musical ends with, “Our prayer is that this musical, through telling this fascinating story of life and death; family and power, will ultimately point our audiences to the Saviour, Jesus, and to consider their lives in view of eternity.” This is certainly not a piece of work that is dedicated to history, but more focused on how the innocent Protestant, Lady Jane Grey, is in the right, betrayed by her very own Judas, the Catholic Bloody Mary. 

The saving grace of this musical is its cast, particularly Bonner and Unwin, who shine as the two queens. Bonner is able to sing in a beautiful operatic style, which works for the more emotional aspects of Mary’s character that are unfortunately rarely shown, as well as the more diva-like characteristics that make her the clear villain of the story.

Unwin, on the other hand, has a gorgeous voice that would work perfectly for Cosette in Les Misérables, light as a lark with high notes aplenty. A confusing choice is made to have the actors take on the roles of other characters without any indication that they have turned into someone else - it is quite odd to see Bonner, dressed as Mary, singing about her hatred for the queen. 

Ultimately, Bloody Mary and the Nine Day Queen is a frustrating and inaccurate portrayal of the lives of two historical women in Tudor England. Focusing entirely on religion takes away from the fascinating politics of the time, with Hides having so much to work with and instead dedicating the work to converting its audience members. Having Paul Delaroche’s painting of the execution of Lady Jane Grey hanging above the merchandise stand is a shame, as that work alone has more emotion than the entire musical as a whole. 

Bloody Mary and the Nine Day Queen runs until 29 October at Union Theatre.