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5/27 @ 12:20 PM
TheOnion - Enraged Character In Stageplay To Be Unconvincingly Restrained By Other Actors https://t.co/wYnPqyhmfl https://t.co/1fVpkhrNAo

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5/27 @ 11:50 AM
TheOnion - Nation’s Overthinkers Convene To Determine What That’s Supposed To Mean https://t.co/A8hNxguJc2 https://t.co/qTh1NN77pn

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5/27 @ 11:10 AM
TheOnion - Helpful Museum Map Highlights Exhibits Visitors Don’t Have To Feel Too Bad About Skipping https://t.co/AfOKdmNeld https://t.co/BBwl5rq2Ng

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5/27 @ 10:03 AM
TheOnion - Anxiety-Ridden Man Rightly Ashamed Of Every Single Thing He Does https://t.co/9Sw40VJsEr https://t.co/7jfEJncFho

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5/27 @ 9:15 AM
TheOnion - Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’ https://t.co/tqSDExAoTx https://t.co/fzsoP83zjD

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5/27 @ 8:29 AM
TheOnion - 30-Year-Old Has Earned $11 More Than He Would Have Without College Education https://t.co/phefJEEEt1

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5/26 @ 11:00 PM
TheOnion - New Study Finds Box Still World’s Most Popular Container https://t.co/udNTIH3E3N https://t.co/K2HTrGDoDj

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5/26 @ 8:00 PM
TheOnion - Trump Sits Down Beside Fire With Quill And Ink For Evening Writing Out Tweets https://t.co/k98nR4wLrR https://t.co/J6PJOMr8FQ

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5/26 @ 6:10 PM
TheOnion - Couple Should Get Dinner With Other Couple, Couple Reports https://t.co/CnyqqmayJG https://t.co/Mn6RsgOhI9

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5/26 @ 5:52 PM
TheOnion - Tips For Saving Money https://t.co/pcSlj4ot3z

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5/26 @ 5:41 PM
TheOnion - Most Americans Avoid Clinical Trials https://t.co/Gxts644TKA #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/Wx3LiMj8OW

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5/26 @ 4:41 PM
TheOnion - Report: Area Woman Has Best Friends In Whole World https://t.co/tEDeT3skM4 https://t.co/WLG4cfgJMp

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5/26 @ 4:10 PM
TheOnion - For the latest from the world’s most unstoppable media juggernaut, visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed. https://t.co/8iCQVvolFU

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5/26 @ 3:59 PM
TheOnion - Lone Tent A Dark Harbinger Of Looming Street Festival https://t.co/VS0h8UDvVy https://t.co/NzVsBpljlq

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5/26 @ 2:20 PM
TheOnion - Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe https://t.co/DEWYKXZb6s https://t.co/eEBtFwy8uz

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5/26 @ 1:10 PM
TheOnion - Family Chooses Different Dog Than Reincarnated Grandfather https://t.co/Nsq48jxRID https://t.co/FdhSNSarHp

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5/26 @ 12:32 PM
TheOnion - Warm Weather Finally Allows Man To Get Outside, Explore New Ways To Sweat https://t.co/ahrUyCV1JE https://t.co/kIc8yxr0qy

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5/26 @ 11:45 AM
TheOnion - Man Forced To Venture Pretty Far Into Wilds Of Internet To Have Opinion Confirmed https://t.co/WBR2McYbi7 https://t.co/8Tj0aEMOgg

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5/26 @ 10:40 AM
TheOnion - Cockroach King Concerned Over Recent Rise Of Bedbugs https://t.co/VXPhF4xPKP https://t.co/QDXnj6aSlr

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5/26 @ 10:00 AM
TheOnion - Crowd Cheers As 93-Year-Old Fuckup Finally Graduates From College https://t.co/hYOA5CiDTL https://t.co/1JiTnpG9Wu

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5/26 @ 9:15 AM
TheOnion - Man Worried About Drug Dealer Who's Not Picking Up Phone https://t.co/dH5GvvDiZN https://t.co/pG9xx9jU8z

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5/26 @ 8:31 AM
TheOnion - New Study Finds Humans May Have Some Capacity For Compassion https://t.co/zOTUEeNIMP

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5/25 @ 9:00 PM
TheOnion - Kidnapping Going Pretty Smoothly https://t.co/126cCiBqtT https://t.co/WnGS77RQh3

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5/25 @ 7:30 PM
TheOnion - Knocked-Out Secret Service Agents Wake To Realize Jimmy Carter Loose https://t.co/cythiYzIXq https://t.co/8UY0MgfAxF

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5/25 @ 5:45 PM
TheOnion - Nike Introduces New Intercourse Shoe https://t.co/KWoE2nDBKJ https://t.co/Zxh1fNh1zo

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5/25 @ 5:31 PM
TheOnion - For more exemplary journalism, visit https://t.co/csf5QTTFPD. https://t.co/QquTtQtV2E

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5/25 @ 5:03 PM
TheOnion - A Breakdown Of Wedding Costs https://t.co/wR36M3pGJh

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5/25 @ 4:52 PM
TheOnion - Courageous E-mail To Boss In Drafts Folder Since December https://t.co/k2m2bQ6wj2 https://t.co/JnmoPnbICW

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5/25 @ 4:18 PM
TheOnion - Angelina Jolie Becomes College Professor https://t.co/vudIgKEN4O #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/Zo4DAsl2TH

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5/25 @ 3:18 PM
TheOnion - She's Probably Sleeping With Him Right Now, Local Man Obsesses https://t.co/HZYnYx3qNc https://t.co/Ioz2ZFf2t8

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5/25 @ 2:40 PM
TheOnion - Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public https://t.co/FkR2zP2WXK

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5/25 @ 2:06 PM
TheOnion - Channel all of your resentment toward corporate America into repeatedly clicking this link https://t.co/xN28lPzk0f https://t.co/84dCeazOlo

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5/25 @ 1:06 PM
TheOnion - Man’s Garbage To Have Much More Significant Effect On Planet Than He Will https://t.co/eYNtorIyZ4 https://t.co/7CRhesO2z6

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5/25 @ 12:29 PM
TheOnion - Ice Machine Reaches Deep Within Itself To Give Man One More Cube https://t.co/z3BVQSp2ws https://t.co/IW5IzyKQLE

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5/25 @ 12:00 PM
TheOnion - Books Vs. E-Readers: A side-by-side comparison https://t.co/b3ec8xbt7w https://t.co/ONFBFsAWE0

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5/25 @ 11:25 AM
TheOnion - Friends, Family Admit They Expected Man’s Mental Breakdown To Look Completely Different https://t.co/XrIKXMIK2b https://t.co/S9Tvah4jJ4

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5/25 @ 10:50 AM
TheOnion - Squid, Octopus Populations On The Rise https://t.co/XzqgMps1jo #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/FsgLo5rAx9

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5/25 @ 10:10 AM
TheOnion - "It's all about striking a balance, really." https://t.co/OP6K2ldSOc https://t.co/kWKxzTx42l

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5/25 @ 9:30 AM
TheOnion - New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In https://t.co/KcX97f8WyY https://t.co/LeJGSKLaLN

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5/25 @ 8:48 AM
TheOnion - Masturbatory Prose Style Fails To Reach Climax https://t.co/jxMBUjJz1r

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