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10/31 @ 1:58 PM
TheOnion - In Focus: Obama Announces Start Of Annual D.C. Spooktacular http://t.co/ggfngKiowY http://t.co/P1QoUuFUx4

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10/31 @ 1:41 PM
TheOnion - In Focus | VIRAL VIDEO: High School Sophomore Sinks Incredible, Unnecessary Half-Court Shot http://t.co/Kt7R7dFMcc

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10/31 @ 1:29 PM
TheOnion - Fourth-Graders Differ Over How Much Allergic Classmate’s Face Swelled Up http://t.co/DNG2teUc9M http://t.co/1s4cJSDHWj

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10/31 @ 1:10 PM
TheOnion - Did you know 1 in 3 families buy candy with no intention of offering it to trick-or-treaters? http://t.co/qrpN7ieUyj http://t.co/5oWhfKwrnQ

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10/31 @ 12:48 PM
TheOnion - Single Mom Ready To Get Back Out There During 30 Minutes Per Week She’s Not Working Or Watching Daughter http://t.co/makGsWhc0A

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10/31 @ 11:31 AM
TheOnion - Halloween Tip: Beat would-be child murderers at their own game—poison your kids ahead of time http://t.co/KIto0CvGAJ http://t.co/iLuyJ7WHyz

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10/31 @ 11:19 AM
TheOnion - Halloween Tip: Be sure child closes eyes before you drill eyeholes in mask http://t.co/21ER6ISVTU http://t.co/t0diMZfjAb

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10/31 @ 10:56 AM
TheOnion - White House Receives Letter Addressed To Gerald Ford Or Current President http://t.co/TJa2A59qp9 http://t.co/XowzMDRvvj

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10/31 @ 10:36 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son http://t.co/IQqvhSsnOS http://t.co/9XD7Y9Daej

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10/31 @ 10:00 AM
TheOnion - [American Voices] New Dating Website http://t.co/97ftrLxa78 Matches Pot-Smoking Couples http://t.co/6jya2ZtvsE #WhatDoYouThink?

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10/31 @ 9:30 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: Nation About Due For Big Cult Suicide http://t.co/gmtQ63cLHd http://t.co/4GIyBx2bEk

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10/30 @ 6:29 PM
TheOnion - Thrill-Seeking Man Wonders How Long He Can Keep Up Dangerous Sedentary Lifestyle http://t.co/DuEHPbBest http://t.co/q2vX80igaQ

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10/30 @ 4:46 PM
TheOnion - In Focus: Restaurant Turns Out To Be Spanish, Not Mexican http://t.co/12WLOIgD1l http://t.co/5smCR54UC7

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10/30 @ 4:36 PM
TheOnion - Times Square: Here you can transfer to the N, Q, R, 1, 2, 3, S, and 7 trains http://t.co/ZooN6WCgFi http://t.co/myuoPeX4qG

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10/30 @ 4:11 PM
TheOnion - A perfect gift for the person in your life with a 12th-grade looking level, the latest Onion book hits stores Nov. 4: http://t.co/rTmAhTZe4e

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10/30 @ 3:59 PM
TheOnion - [American Voices] “Finally, some good news for sexually active men.” http://t.co/Kegb9rRnOf http://t.co/qRB7YU3WDq

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10/30 @ 3:48 PM
TheOnion - We do not publish #sponsored content for financial gain, but rather for the joy of promoting corporate brands http://t.co/VVvG2NeQCa

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10/30 @ 3:24 PM
TheOnion - Top 10 Things To Do In New York City http://t.co/BdkilNidcp http://t.co/U5TznH1zop

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10/30 @ 3:12 PM
TheOnion - In Focus: Unemployed Dad Channels All His Energy Into Creating, Running Haunted House http://t.co/zHURWnM5cj http://t.co/BDTNR82Bt8

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10/30 @ 2:20 PM
TheOnion - STATSHOT: Most Popular Off-Brand Halloween Costumes http://t.co/dpkzVGhtas http://t.co/qMgyOVpKZK

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10/30 @ 2:13 PM
TheOnion - "I’d be lying if I said she hasn’t looked more stunning on probably a dozen other occasions." http://t.co/a4ePlmOulG http://t.co/Rm0ixLjtkQ

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10/30 @ 2:05 PM
TheOnion - [American Voices] McDonald’s Unveils New Slogan: Lovin’ Beats Hatin’ http://t.co/3fYUjg48QL #WhatDoYouThink?

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10/30 @ 1:53 PM
TheOnion - Groom Admits Bride Could Have Looked A Bit More Radiant On Wedding Day http://t.co/e3xMg1GfX5

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10/30 @ 1:37 PM
TheOnion - Cat That Spends Life On One Of Two Couch Cushions Given Rabies Vaccine http://t.co/L4qjEvFgxo http://t.co/ZSQzhRVIYL

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10/30 @ 12:59 PM
TheOnion - In Focus: R.L. Stine Reveals Slappy From Night Of The Living Dummy Was Gay http://t.co/8MBKNv2Zb3 http://t.co/m4paiDqOIE

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10/30 @ 12:51 PM
TheOnion - A Look Back At 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre': An iconic mystery that keeps audiences guessing http://t.co/4gIOel4Ofp http://t.co/59Dq6Zkpmb

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10/30 @ 12:29 PM
TheOnion - The Onion Looks Back At 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' http://t.co/DHWRWPqoZZ http://t.co/YQTzzAUpMj

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10/30 @ 12:16 PM
TheOnion - Thrill-Seeking Man Wonders How Long He Can Keep Up Dangerous Sedentary Lifestyle http://t.co/3sweY7j1gb http://t.co/8ZM37wtXpd

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10/30 @ 11:30 AM
TheOnion - This week, Brad does something no self-respecting #FantasyFootball owner should ever do http://t.co/7bzWBzjlMY #SPON http://t.co/iAIuLJTyqY

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10/30 @ 10:15 AM
TheOnion - "It's just so surreal to actually see it finally happen." http://t.co/9UoqM6gAUE http://t.co/fdhvtMuD1z

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10/30 @ 9:44 AM
TheOnion - From The Archives: Magic-Store Employee Not The Same Since Losing Virginity http://t.co/dtpKeDVBWw http://t.co/HoBfqH3wz7

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10/30 @ 1:30 AM
TheOnion - Street Harasser Haunted By Woman Who Got Away With Dignity Intact http://t.co/enChPApRAK http://t.co/axKH3YmhHJ

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10/30 @ 12:45 AM
TheOnion - Traumatized Nation Terrified To Make Its Voice Heard In Another Election http://t.co/mYvwHMFs8f

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10/29 @ 11:45 PM
TheOnion - In The News: http://t.co/UnUShjBFbb http://t.co/E59Xm9tiBj

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10/29 @ 11:24 PM
TheOnion - 2-Year-Old Never Thought He Would Live To See Giants Win World Series http://t.co/7pW5ZbC0xP #WorldSeriesGame7 http://t.co/rmSHCZmTbA

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10/29 @ 9:30 PM
TheOnion - Restaurant Patrons Rapidly Losing Faith Parents Going To Do Something About 4-Year-Old http://t.co/qwNFw51wTb http://t.co/rUdA2QEMgj

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10/29 @ 8:45 PM
TheOnion - ONN Exclusive: Fire-Ninja Inferno Becomes First Openly Gay Fatal Melee Fighter http://t.co/uZnDyQNjWD http://t.co/SB3KRLIY0J

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10/29 @ 8:44 PM
TheOnion - Empty Streets In Kansas City Not Necessarily Indicative Of Royals World Series Game Being On http://t.co/imot4ltftz http://t.co/Pbs5K2uevB

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10/29 @ 7:45 PM
TheOnion - How Ebola Quarantine Works http://t.co/vwgDtRFD3U http://t.co/8oYSX7meJu

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10/29 @ 6:45 PM
TheOnion - Antidepressant Can’t Believe It’s Expected To Fix This Mess All On Its Own http://t.co/qxdCoLmo4b http://t.co/QlCcFkwLOB

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