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8/20 @ 10:00 PM
TheOnion - World Wildlife Fund Donors Receive Refund After Western Black Rhino Goes Extinct http://t.co/Pr3WRBYntg

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8/20 @ 9:00 PM
TheOnion - Report: Average American Loses $5,000 Each Year From Splitting Check http://t.co/Dimb39qTqt

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8/20 @ 7:30 PM
TheOnion - Man Wearing Low-Cut Swimsuit As Though Public Pool A Sun-Kissed Sardinian Cove http://t.co/5RbwQF411f

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8/20 @ 6:11 PM
TheOnion - "We found that there are very few, if any, encouraging statistics left." http://t.co/qXNeSCZcqq

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8/20 @ 4:33 PM
TheOnion - [American Voices] NFL: Musicians Should Pay To Perform At Super Bowl Halftime Show http://t.co/zasPJutEJG #WhatDoYouThink?

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8/20 @ 3:40 PM
TheOnion - BREAKING: Mrs. Nichols Also Daniel’s Mom http://t.co/5ULZd8RcL6 http://t.co/zTJCSwWAm5

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8/20 @ 3:09 PM
TheOnion - Study: Human Hearing Most Acute When Listening To Arguing Parents From Top Of Stairs http://t.co/2grVdlxn2N

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8/20 @ 2:23 PM
TheOnion - World Wildlife Fund Donors Receive Refund After Western Black Rhino Goes Extinct http://t.co/Ztq6h6zrqv http://t.co/phFORnEaaz

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8/20 @ 1:25 PM
TheOnion - Report: Average American Loses $5,000 Each Year From Splitting Check http://t.co/SXmmVOeaD9 http://t.co/cIXILere0R

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8/20 @ 1:02 PM
TheOnion - Man Wearing Low-Cut Swimsuit As Though Public Pool A Sun-Kissed Sardinian Cove http://t.co/rwQCTn5Nox http://t.co/ssCJJ7ISM0

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8/20 @ 12:29 PM
TheOnion - Study Finds 79% Of Statistics Now Sobering http://t.co/DOy3oSclaA http://t.co/nwYUl5HD0b

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8/20 @ 11:36 AM
TheOnion - PRO: Local photojournalists now able to capture fog of war at home http://t.co/PACmlzCO3M http://t.co/oTPKBU1sFX

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8/20 @ 10:20 AM
TheOnion - [American Voices] More Women Getting Hand Surgery To Look Good In ‘Ring Selfies’ http://t.co/LVaamh967K #WhatDoYouThink?

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8/20 @ 9:35 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: Description Of Sexual Fantasy Changing With Girlfriend's Reaction http://t.co/ePRiQEYjBQ

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8/19 @ 11:30 PM
TheOnion - Teary-Eyed Wrestlers Bid Farewell To Friends Made At SummerSlam http://t.co/a1owky6PiI

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8/19 @ 9:30 PM
TheOnion - Chinese Journalists Bemoan Decline Of Traditional State-Run Newspapers, Rise Of State-Run New Media http://t.co/9deN5bsCaW

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8/19 @ 7:30 PM
TheOnion - Did you know many parents now include a piece of umbilical cord with birth announcements? http://t.co/2OaeH166LL http://t.co/Uk1xaCnWeZ

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8/19 @ 6:15 PM
TheOnion - "Heck, most folks still don’t even know what Twitter is. Let CompuJean fill you in." http://t.co/JV9fLgyClt http://t.co/hldxdcwFfd

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8/19 @ 4:48 PM
TheOnion - Architects Of 2026 Market Crash Just Finished A Highly Productive Lunch http://t.co/Kiw4677qxT

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8/19 @ 3:26 PM
TheOnion - [American Voices] Vegan Oktoberfest Coming To California http://t.co/UXyplV623g #WhatDoYouThink?

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8/19 @ 2:49 PM
TheOnion - "Standing at one’s desk for a single afternoon resulted in a 25 percent increase in others’ feelings of derision." http://t.co/pUPKE5zGcS

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8/19 @ 2:24 PM
TheOnion - Teary-Eyed Wrestlers Bid Farewell To Friends Made At SummerSlam http://t.co/HGeFsRhezw http://t.co/toRAH6u4Lf

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8/19 @ 1:49 PM
TheOnion - Chinese Journalists Bemoan Decline Of Traditional State-Run Newspapers, Rise Of State-Run New Media http://t.co/aJro7hqDBq

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8/19 @ 1:48 PM
TheOnion - Chinese Journalists Bemoan Decline Of Traditional State-Run Newspapers, Rise Of State-Run New Media http://t.co/acTToR8Odu

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8/19 @ 1:23 PM
TheOnion - Did you know that many parents are choosing not to learn the gender of their obstetrician? http://t.co/vvsDgvaTwF http://t.co/nk2swJJTbc

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8/19 @ 1:13 PM
TheOnion - Here are the top parenting trends of 2014 http://t.co/I7Sve4e3kF http://t.co/BDTpmeUuUj

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8/19 @ 12:48 PM
TheOnion - "Your Mrs. Teasdale isn’t afraid to meet our exciting Digitalbyte Age head-on!" http://t.co/dhncE3AExZ http://t.co/CCGboQhAo6

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8/19 @ 12:28 PM
TheOnion - Architects Of 2026 Market Crash Just Finished A Highly Productive Lunch http://t.co/KjVAxERgDm http://t.co/eJZNmad3m7

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8/19 @ 12:04 PM
TheOnion - Battleship Awkwardly Propped Up Against Ferguson Police Department http://t.co/zusFkExErs http://t.co/n36SrU88Br

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8/19 @ 11:27 AM
TheOnion - All your hard work will finally pay off this week, but not, of course, for you | Horoscopes: http://t.co/T3jwjxRGBe http://t.co/R9KkQpHOnv

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8/19 @ 10:36 AM
TheOnion - [American Voices] Fantasy Football Costs Businesses $13.4 Billion In Lost Productivity http://t.co/97s7JHLaDH #WhatDoYouThink?

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8/19 @ 9:35 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: Dream About You Not Sexual, Coworker Reports http://t.co/lwX0yEfxEw

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8/18 @ 11:30 PM
TheOnion - The Pros And Cons Of Militarizing The Police http://t.co/w2fw6S0azV http://t.co/cYK7MmlKzz

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8/18 @ 10:00 PM
TheOnion - Geneticists Debate Ethics Of Cloning Humans And Forcing Them To Fight To Death In Pit For Our Amusement http://t.co/ozDrVUYcwj

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8/18 @ 8:30 PM
TheOnion - Fourth-Grade Teacher Polishing Up Speech On This Not Being Third Grade Anymore http://t.co/rCEuJ2LvUU

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8/18 @ 7:15 PM
TheOnion - Fireflies Almost Salvage Man’s Shitty Day http://t.co/DXO5dXnZ4j

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8/18 @ 4:48 PM
TheOnion - PRO: Same tactics used successfully in Afghanistan, Iraq CON: Jesus, just look at this shit http://t.co/HWhCmfnBBE http://t.co/oJ7zlhfzn7

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8/18 @ 4:33 PM
TheOnion - Here are the the pros and cons of militarizing the police http://t.co/BulqPy3Ufz http://t.co/HfYLznSioD

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8/18 @ 4:10 PM
TheOnion - #Sponsored: Read The Onion's special local coverage, brought to you by Bud Light: http://t.co/wvHgfadY6P

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8/18 @ 3:58 PM
TheOnion - Geneticists Debate Ethics Of Cloning Humans And Forcing Them To Fight To Death In Pit For Our Amusement http://t.co/U0z5w5Wl9l

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