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1/24 @ 6:30 PM
TheOnion - Study: Majority Of New Marine Life Species Now Discovered While Cleaning Oil Spills https://t.co/WDrvOB3d00 https://t.co/vZvrIE0HMz

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1/24 @ 5:00 PM
TheOnion - Pentagon Holds Gala To Celebrate 25 Years Of Bombing Iraq https://t.co/kYzkswR1Eg https://t.co/CV8VgrbVYN

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1/24 @ 3:05 PM
TheOnion - This Week In Sports: Bill Belichick Visits Hospital To Watch Terminally Ill Fan Die https://t.co/fafWmgic4X https://t.co/77RFzdyb7U

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1/24 @ 2:30 PM
TheOnion - New Department Of Interior Program To Reduce Deer Population By Providing Free Condoms To Fawns https://t.co/yijgHH9Rry

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1/24 @ 1:30 PM
TheOnion - Congress Allocates $90 Million To Protect Remaining Eagles Members https://t.co/5y3Wl8nhgL https://t.co/5VjL5XzEh8

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1/24 @ 12:30 PM
TheOnion - How To Get A Medical Marijuana Card https://t.co/9fplv7AQuK https://t.co/fvYQrI8fbd

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1/24 @ 11:30 AM
TheOnion - "Now, which one of you knuckleheads is my shortstop?" https://t.co/16NsT2bq3n https://t.co/8evtfBhmB1

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1/24 @ 10:30 AM
TheOnion - 34-Year-Old Man May As Well Keep Pursuing Dream At This Point https://t.co/sietLKvMRN https://t.co/R7jmcTheZw

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1/24 @ 9:30 AM
TheOnion - Editorial Cartoon: 'Thin White Puke' https://t.co/O0VxzlGhyp https://t.co/8M7ABl5p8R

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1/23 @ 5:30 PM
TheOnion - Man Dying From Cancer Spends Last Good Day On Phone With Insurance Company https://t.co/JJPfS07wIe https://t.co/DgzeGnXG2E

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1/23 @ 4:01 PM
TheOnion - Iranian Nuclear Scientists Hurriedly Flush 200 Pounds Of Enriched Uranium During Surprise U.N. Inspection https://t.co/BIZu7d0Z8p

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1/23 @ 3:00 PM
TheOnion - NYC Mayor: ‘Reconcile Yourselves With Your God, For All Will Perish In The Tempest’ https://t.co/X3YKI2LzDp https://t.co/fQB9nUCXY1

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1/23 @ 2:30 PM
TheOnion - Governor Demands To Know Which Star On American Flag Is Iowa’s https://t.co/juK3T5f7G7 https://t.co/qCRdpavGzk

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1/23 @ 1:30 PM
TheOnion - Frustrated Rick Santorum Still Waiting For Go-Ahead From God To Suspend Presidential Campaign https://t.co/THekDPeXCy

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1/23 @ 12:30 PM
TheOnion - Defunct 4-Year-Old Sports Blog Still Lurking On Internet https://t.co/p1KNGoJW0r https://t.co/at4ojyAxF9

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1/23 @ 10:30 AM
TheOnion - Nation’s Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate https://t.co/Vl4uEJFplc https://t.co/5LZbGewGem

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1/23 @ 9:30 AM
TheOnion - Stingray Loves When Aquarium Visitors Squeal And Recoil After Touching It https://t.co/Tjn20oBiWY https://t.co/C4ZNc7mxqS

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1/22 @ 10:30 PM
TheOnion - Study: Majority Of New Marine Life Species Now Discovered While Cleaning Oil Spills https://t.co/r3lOU057Uq https://t.co/FZ7h31bscH

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1/22 @ 8:30 PM
TheOnion - Partygoer Vows To Fix Keg https://t.co/Ck0roPKVY7

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1/22 @ 7:45 PM
TheOnion - Pentagon Holds Gala To Celebrate 25 Years Of Bombing Iraq https://t.co/jEEiXb0Yyv https://t.co/rAAaA2xyfH

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1/22 @ 7:30 PM
TheOnion - Tips For Successful Campus Activism https://t.co/xPo7HBn74v https://t.co/N4ZGZuMwcr

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1/22 @ 7:00 PM
TheOnion - Bill Belichick Visits Hospital To Watch Terminally Ill Fan Die https://t.co/PiWh0Ml9Kh https://t.co/yyYrutgVyT

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1/22 @ 6:00 PM
TheOnion - Entire Conversation With Parents Spent Changing The Subject https://t.co/FFZxL1vrr7 https://t.co/tGNEkIrhmo

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1/22 @ 5:00 PM
TheOnion - Congress Allocates $90 Million To Protect Remaining Eagles Members https://t.co/SbLtyGd73w https://t.co/1ctPCZQeJq

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1/22 @ 4:40 PM
TheOnion - Scalia Bundles Up In Fur Robe In Preparation For D.C. Blizzard https://t.co/OAxvoM1dua

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1/22 @ 3:29 PM
TheOnion - East Coast Braces For Blizzard https://t.co/yCwlOG0vwX #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/Tv6JpPnMRt

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1/22 @ 2:25 PM
TheOnion - Man Figured Drug Addiction Would Take Up A Lot More Free Time https://t.co/e6NMzOp6Jj https://t.co/HkCbwz7ed1

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1/22 @ 1:04 PM
TheOnion - Report: Mom Saw Car That Slid Off Road Into Ditch https://t.co/SMJ2YNOqew https://t.co/5UjvQWmL1P

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1/22 @ 12:41 PM
TheOnion - Traits Of Highly Successful People https://t.co/XLx4lRBJBq

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1/22 @ 12:10 PM
TheOnion - Everyone In Coffee Shop Can Tell Trainee A Goner https://t.co/qbW1eyuO9x https://t.co/RqyaekCvQd

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1/22 @ 11:30 AM
TheOnion - Study Finds Girls Outperforming Future Employers In School https://t.co/8bQKnaiLru https://t.co/WcdQ2k8VX1

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1/22 @ 11:00 AM
TheOnion - Visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed for the latest from the most influential media empire human civilization has ever seen https://t.co/qT8gtD0xyD

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1/22 @ 10:35 AM
TheOnion - World’s Largest Known Prime Number Found https://t.co/d7x3rzySo7 #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/sa3XGkDBha

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1/22 @ 10:05 AM
TheOnion - Amazing New Hyperbolic Chamber Greatest Invention In The History Of Mankind Ever https://t.co/cw5zGQ4HCl https://t.co/ikYOzBHMhX

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1/22 @ 9:45 AM
TheOnion - If any of your pets go outside for any reason, leave them. They belong to the snows now. https://t.co/AXfYmSyNmK https://t.co/VzeaIAykiN

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1/22 @ 9:15 AM
TheOnion - Iowa Restaurant Patron Can Remember Every Breakfast Ruined By Presidential Candidates https://t.co/JJtZYYKFQZ https://t.co/J07vmsaB7D

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1/22 @ 8:34 AM
TheOnion - Changing Weather Inspires Area Conversationalist https://t.co/ltsnRj4Vs3

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1/22 @ 12:00 AM
TheOnion - Here is a step-by-step look at how to get and use a medical marijuana card: https://t.co/P3xGvHaTLb https://t.co/lCTi5dw4Fy

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1/21 @ 10:30 PM
TheOnion - New Department Of Interior Program To Reduce Deer Population By Providing Free Condoms To Fawns https://t.co/cVWOS0dK7E

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1/21 @ 9:00 PM
TheOnion - Susan Sarandon Masturbated To For Old Time's Sake https://t.co/MYtJUzYvRr https://t.co/QvBtz9LVXs

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