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3/30 @ 3:58 PM
TheOnion - Wait no more for the latest entry into the American #sponsored content canon, for it has arrived. http://t.co/yadp7vIf2l

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3/30 @ 3:38 PM
TheOnion - In Focus: http://t.co/McWg4CGpVq http://t.co/ALbvYc9nqE

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3/30 @ 3:13 PM
TheOnion - Man Torn Between Boycotting Indiana, Visiting Evansville Zoo http://t.co/Gx2xm2kx3Y http://t.co/o3MX48nSZs

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3/30 @ 2:50 PM
TheOnion - NYC Tourists Incite Outrage By Taking ‘Selfies’ At East Village Blast Site http://t.co/R0oZP0f4ZJ #WhatDoYouThink? http://t.co/OahKJTzm9s

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3/30 @ 1:58 PM
TheOnion - Man Who Baked Banana Bread Spends Entire Party Anxiously Watching It Go Uneaten http://t.co/kj34MCZM1H http://t.co/aFNw9Ov11t

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3/30 @ 1:34 PM
TheOnion - Rehabilitated Otter Released Back Into Food Chain http://t.co/ImxuFUxGv6 http://t.co/Re6LBGhY1N

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3/30 @ 1:00 PM
TheOnion - Editorial Cartoon: 'Screwing America' http://t.co/ouWu9IRwEI http://t.co/L3w9zeZ9Em

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3/30 @ 12:18 PM
TheOnion - Woman Who Teaches Special-Needs Children Killing It At Dinner Party http://t.co/P8h1JUOUk4 http://t.co/ZEF2m3WNMa

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3/30 @ 12:01 PM
TheOnion - The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 30, 2015 http://t.co/XYPji6eVlW http://t.co/I57hLXpWqd

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3/30 @ 11:37 AM
TheOnion - Man Thinks Going To Vegas For Things Other Than Gambling Somehow Less Sad http://t.co/7V52Sk7Md3 http://t.co/jZbK527QOx

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3/30 @ 11:02 AM
TheOnion - Add TheOnionSnap on Snapchat or our social media team will be forced to do something actually meaningful.

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3/30 @ 10:47 AM
TheOnion - Study: Women Who Sleep Longer Have More Sex http://t.co/ZUQeCC2m84 #WhatDoYouThink? http://t.co/ruU20AC5JU

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3/30 @ 10:15 AM
TheOnion - Gerrymandering Mishap Leaves Nation Without Any Borders Whatsoever http://t.co/jHliXj5XVx http://t.co/5ksdEcYy3z

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3/30 @ 9:30 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: U.S. Department of Education Study Reveals Seniors Rule http://t.co/ODtDZjDvzi http://t.co/v5HbJI1xgu

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3/29 @ 6:45 PM
TheOnion - In Sports: Dallas Cowboys Honored For Helping Reintegrate Criminals Back Into NFL http://t.co/ElS6vwNOLG http://t.co/D2c3ZYxp6E

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3/29 @ 5:00 PM
TheOnion - In Science News: Conservationists Attempting To Get Head Start On Mars http://t.co/bWIQef1Oqi http://t.co/Wo8zlufgC1

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3/29 @ 4:00 PM
TheOnion - In Entertainment News: http://t.co/cFyluFOFFD http://t.co/ddn9a8DNhV

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3/29 @ 3:00 PM
TheOnion - “Maybe he’s just a lost cause.” http://t.co/2aUzDnWIqj http://t.co/gxCSkszWEQ

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3/29 @ 2:00 PM
TheOnion - In Local News: Mom Scanning Menu Finds ‘Pan-Seared Diver Scallops’ Faster Than Speed Of Light http://t.co/tPQvgHYujM http://t.co/Z0z7RDlGod

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3/29 @ 1:15 PM
TheOnion - This Week Last Year: Tips For Using Online Dating Sites http://t.co/sjCvDIw2Hc http://t.co/kmHf1kcz3i

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3/29 @ 12:30 PM
TheOnion - Top Story: Nation’s Money Constantly Disgusted By What Americans Doing With It http://t.co/IoKecTkVFX http://t.co/8EF0DuIxNF

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3/29 @ 11:45 AM
TheOnion - How Michelin Rates Restaurants http://t.co/iLbwGHtcgM http://t.co/eP4U3yD1o1

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3/29 @ 10:00 AM
TheOnion - Editorial Cartoon: 'Enemy Hair-itory' http://t.co/CEIoUFVe3H http://t.co/wO9MvardOA

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3/28 @ 6:30 PM
TheOnion - In Commentary This Week: http://t.co/X5d7Gj2uJT http://t.co/TaEjxMQMoO

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3/28 @ 5:00 PM
TheOnion - Everyone On Defense Team An Equally Matched Romantic Interest For Member Of Prosecution http://t.co/1aErkDZwKr http://t.co/4s5dB5mhJs

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3/28 @ 3:30 PM
TheOnion - In Politics: ‘Time’ Magazine Subscribers Brace For Inevitable Issue With Close-Up Of Ted Cruz’s Face http://t.co/WiWwHZDgJc

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3/28 @ 2:30 PM
TheOnion - Top Story: Michelle Obama Renovates Van Buren Workout Room http://t.co/1Y5f0dT1ne http://t.co/zisECSkCYm

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3/28 @ 1:30 PM
TheOnion - In Sports: Fewer NBA Players Choosing To Learn Unborn Child’s Position http://t.co/L00KG7AYzB http://t.co/d9MeIqcOBO

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3/28 @ 12:30 PM
TheOnion - This Week Last Year: How The College Admissions Process Works http://t.co/Q1XNmEdk1b http://t.co/65BEAwLhyP

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3/28 @ 11:45 AM
TheOnion - In Local News: Siblings Playing Tense Game Of Chicken To Decide Who Going To Care For Mom http://t.co/UIHogIBEkz http://t.co/KGqaPaOB1v

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3/28 @ 10:00 AM
TheOnion - Report: Employees Most Innovative When Brainstorming Dramatic Quitting Scenarios http://t.co/kNGoazDCtx http://t.co/pxcdATkRo5

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3/27 @ 11:45 PM
TheOnion - Kentucky Cancels Practice For NBA Draft Suit Fitting http://t.co/CzVFWfOz0w http://t.co/yGTx6tWZtT

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3/27 @ 10:45 PM
TheOnion - Troubling Report Finds Dreamily Sliding Down Back Of Door After Kissing Date On Porch Plummets 78% http://t.co/8MTSVkU7N3

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3/27 @ 9:46 PM
TheOnion - Study Finds Growing Number Of Americans Would Be Comfortable With Female Pep Boy http://t.co/9tDIEFQuNK

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3/27 @ 8:46 PM
TheOnion - The Pros And Cons Of Paying College Athletes http://t.co/OZ7UmalWMt http://t.co/Xv13wkfA7a

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3/27 @ 7:46 PM
TheOnion - Siblings Quietly Relieved Oldest Brother Setting Bar So Low http://t.co/nvUyx8nJP4 http://t.co/SvKQqbDzAH

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3/27 @ 6:45 PM
TheOnion - College Newspaper Staff Know Exactly How They Would Respond If Editorial Freedom Challenged http://t.co/MAXX7YR5VM http://t.co/YlxlMsbBuT

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3/27 @ 5:30 PM
TheOnion - Biden Worries Legalized Weed In D.C. Will Cut Into His Business http://t.co/MmqM1Fj00u http://t.co/nKx8guf2Pa

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3/27 @ 4:46 PM
TheOnion - Ted Cruz Boldly Declares Nation Not Deserving Of Better Candidate http://t.co/84p6XdtRaA http://t.co/j7yy4FVDQZ

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3/27 @ 4:05 PM
TheOnion - If we get 10 million clicks on this piece of #sponsored content, we will finally reveal the secret to immortality http://t.co/uNN7O7jzL8

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