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7/31 @ 10:15 PM
TheOnion - GlaxoSmithKline Releases New Drug To Treat People Who Just Feel Sort Of Weird Sometimes http://t.co/40gjV5TLM4 http://t.co/f6tYEdfONb

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7/31 @ 10:00 PM
TheOnion - Maybelline Introduces New Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask To Use In Place Of Makeup http://t.co/sVdGAZnLyS http://t.co/C5fv4q1eO3

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7/31 @ 9:00 PM
TheOnion - Report: All Things Aside, American Flag Still Looks Pretty Good Majestically Billowing In Wind http://t.co/TBxYuS1Wge http://t.co/lRhJFH4aH9

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7/31 @ 8:00 PM
TheOnion - Psychology Comes To Halt As Weary Researchers Say The Mind Cannot Possibly Study Itself http://t.co/tg3kseqbcJ

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7/31 @ 6:25 PM
TheOnion - "Individuals do not need to exercise very much to increase the number of years they live in dull, aching pain." http://t.co/VuvZFT7msN

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7/31 @ 6:14 PM
TheOnion - STATSHOT: Why Are We Cutting Our Trip Short? http://t.co/8MwpzdXF0l http://t.co/nBYEe1Wq7d

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7/31 @ 6:04 PM
TheOnion - Amazon says their newest Kindle perfectly replicates the experience of reading a real book in public for attention http://t.co/EbXVcSYl7q

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7/31 @ 5:06 PM
TheOnion - [American Voices] “I’m just excited that Star Wars might feature two puffins going at it in the background.” http://t.co/y2fLuN7nnB

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7/31 @ 4:39 PM
TheOnion - CON: Have to perfect the forced smile that accompanies choking down tempeh http://t.co/HAmAwlRpp2 http://t.co/vPJnITj2iq

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7/31 @ 4:03 PM
TheOnion - Report Finds Children Of Parents Often Become Parents Themselves http://t.co/Qe8H9LW33d http://t.co/G1bnyEGmDO

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7/31 @ 3:18 PM
TheOnion - Experts Warn Situation In Gaza Will Get Worse Before It Gets Much Worse http://t.co/bVGhFDxa4A

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7/31 @ 2:56 PM
TheOnion - .@Maybelline: "You’ll easily achieve a look that would have otherwise taken hours to create." http://t.co/NFDv9zz6Fl http://t.co/24Qsf7x2W3

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7/31 @ 2:40 PM
TheOnion - "All I need to do is yank this over my head, and that's it. I'm conventionally attractive." http://t.co/uF5cfQFCTU http://t.co/iO35H0aCxz

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7/31 @ 2:17 PM
TheOnion - Report: All Things Aside, American Flag Still Looks Pretty Good Majestically Billowing In Wind http://t.co/Ih7TAjGsLn http://t.co/IRGlVMqQXk

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7/31 @ 1:33 PM
TheOnion - STATSHOT: Why Are We Cutting Our Trip Short? http://t.co/bcXQOebsxO http://t.co/p8wxHql4dU

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7/31 @ 1:03 PM
TheOnion - Psychology Comes To Halt As Weary Researchers Say The Mind Cannot Possibly Study Itself http://t.co/OHs6qKDCTD

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7/31 @ 12:03 PM
TheOnion - GlaxoSmithKline Releases New Drug To Treat People Who Just Feel Sort Of Weird Sometimes http://t.co/xTy9WSqJ9v http://t.co/K7ZmVY9X7M

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7/31 @ 11:42 AM
TheOnion - "Getting off the couch once a day may give you one or two more years of clutching at your lower back and wincing." http://t.co/NVEjTT90Bd

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7/31 @ 11:26 AM
TheOnion - New Study Finds Running For 20 Minutes Each Day Could Add Years Of Soreness To Life http://t.co/uRVy7oUirz http://t.co/9rJ7YsqSZd

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7/31 @ 10:51 AM
TheOnion - [American Voices] “That’s why most pornography focuses so heavily on the importance of empathy.” http://t.co/76Y0gk3mzu

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7/31 @ 9:30 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: Husband Chooses Car Based On Lowest Passenger-Side Impact Rating http://t.co/ROGhcQE4zZ

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7/31 @ 12:15 AM
TheOnion - Americans Demand New Form Of Media To Bridge Entertainment Gap While Looking From Laptop To Phone http://t.co/0TQuewAgW2

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7/30 @ 11:15 PM
TheOnion - Patient Zero Kicking Back In 38C With Episode Of ‘New Girl’ http://t.co/E7az9ZtH04

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7/30 @ 10:01 PM
TheOnion - Study Finds College Still More Worthwhile Than Spending 4 Years Chained To Radiator http://t.co/oDvfJQIVlW

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7/30 @ 8:45 PM
TheOnion - Hillary Clinton Spends Busy Day Fueling Speculation, Not Ruling Things Out http://t.co/r7F1o2cCaK

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7/30 @ 7:30 PM
TheOnion - Coca-Cola is considering removing the note on the side of the can that says “Shake Well” http://t.co/VWvrrJoh8S http://t.co/oXW0AM3sAC

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7/30 @ 6:30 PM
TheOnion - Area Man Somewhat Disturbed To Think Perfect Woman For Him Out There Somewhere http://t.co/1zeXGpG4tw

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7/30 @ 5:50 PM
TheOnion - [American Voices] Feds: McDonald’s Responsible For Welfare Of Franchise Workers http://t.co/SgvCBmndWp #WhatDoYouThink?

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7/30 @ 4:49 PM
TheOnion - There is a stone where our soul once was. Enjoy this #sponsored content: http://t.co/otSdhJM0DZ

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7/30 @ 4:16 PM
TheOnion - Experts: Ebola Vaccine At Least 50 White People Away http://t.co/UmtGnQXa3k http://t.co/ACA7GE08GY

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7/30 @ 3:50 PM
TheOnion - “I just want something to scroll through or click on or swipe. I can’t keep looking at nothing.” http://t.co/bndAi0QSrU

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7/30 @ 3:30 PM
TheOnion - Americans Demand New Form Of Media To Bridge Entertainment Gap While Looking From Laptop To Phone http://t.co/5uS6mqB3DZ

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7/30 @ 2:52 PM
TheOnion - Patient Zero Kicking Back In 38C With Episode Of ‘New Girl’ http://t.co/IWgwHb7Py7 http://t.co/xEuMMn0JdQ

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7/30 @ 2:27 PM
TheOnion - This Week Last Year: Unambitious Loser With Happy, Fulfilling Life Still Lives In Hometown http://t.co/4yrAwHFwrv

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7/30 @ 2:07 PM
TheOnion - "These are things one would not get while detained in the uninsulated basement of an abandoned warehouse." http://t.co/MccbxEg5Zn

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7/30 @ 1:50 PM
TheOnion - Study Finds College Still More Worthwhile Than Spending 4 Years Chained To Radiator http://t.co/TqgJvpaUlI http://t.co/9yHzDtGykM

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7/30 @ 1:14 PM
TheOnion - Hillary Clinton Spends Busy Day Fueling Speculation, Not Ruling Things Out http://t.co/z9niKPj9K3 http://t.co/yNjAiVLpkC

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7/30 @ 12:57 PM
TheOnion - Coca-Cola is considering reducing chunky Cola pulp by 50 percent http://t.co/MDyvuebPj2 http://t.co/JhAhLKriOQ

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7/30 @ 12:48 PM
TheOnion - Here are some options @CocaCola is considering to improve sales and win back customers http://t.co/Tn8Lw0ddTZ

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7/30 @ 11:56 AM
TheOnion - "Seriously, what sane woman wouldn’t try to change me at least a little bit?" http://t.co/d7nHCHf5GC http://t.co/0qQh5dkRlk

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