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9/25 @ 5:52 PM
TheOnion - Report: U.S. Students Lack Language Skills, Vocabulary To Effectively Belittle Classmates https://t.co/CdLRLnibi8 https://t.co/XN0gdzkY2m

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9/25 @ 4:38 PM
TheOnion - Applebee’s Steak Sent Back For Not Being Properly Slathered https://t.co/WEXwN9iOgw https://t.co/uI5MxMVHPa

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9/25 @ 2:51 PM
TheOnion - Gary Johnson Worried He Peaking Too Early After Hitting 9% In Polls https://t.co/iIp7V3HNd6 https://t.co/vDOQNj6sm6

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9/25 @ 1:33 PM
TheOnion - Blindfolded Clinton Invites Debate Coaches To Attack Her With Talking Points From All Sides https://t.co/Tu2a2IYlhy https://t.co/mxeBc2t7xM

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9/25 @ 12:35 PM
TheOnion - Dismembered Nate Silver Found In Dumpster Behind Gallup Headquarters https://t.co/D1fliagDVJ https://t.co/0IgrveQ5IK

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9/25 @ 11:35 AM
TheOnion - Cooking Class Instructor Can Already Tell Which Couples Signed Up Based On Marriage Counselor’s Recommendation https://t.co/DwhxOv7B7h

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9/25 @ 10:30 AM
TheOnion - Terms To Know On The Golf Course https://t.co/Nc2RjPOvTN https://t.co/mvxhmy2gEr

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9/25 @ 9:37 AM
TheOnion - Editorial Cartoon: 'Bye Buy' https://t.co/bVvoFm57Su https://t.co/zsGrMZStXk

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9/24 @ 5:26 PM
TheOnion - A Primer On North Korea https://t.co/5wcz8YAnTq https://t.co/RrtDFAl5zT

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9/24 @ 4:01 PM
TheOnion - Report: Feeling Bad Right Now Most Reliable Predictor Of Feeling Bad Forever https://t.co/kIElWmFJJH https://t.co/mr9d4bJXXb

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9/24 @ 2:27 PM
TheOnion - Mom On Vacation Marveling At Time Difference Compared To Home https://t.co/5VACSIpBQz https://t.co/by4KUSyO8D

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9/24 @ 11:35 AM
TheOnion - "I’m sorry, but I don’t believe in any so-called “protest” if it involves raising awareness of systemic problems."… https://t.co/Ihia90isxK

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9/24 @ 10:36 AM
TheOnion - Teens Throwing Rocks At Overgrown, Long-Vacant Supreme Court Seat https://t.co/RznDyeXVFI https://t.co/vNOTs7lFb8

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9/24 @ 9:33 AM
TheOnion - Pastor Going On Little Spiel About Seeing How In Love Couple Are Despite Not Knowing Them For Very Long https://t.co/3RD2eAxF6t

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9/23 @ 9:01 PM
TheOnion - Visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed to see more from the standard bearer of global journalism. https://t.co/80j5qWGaIQ

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9/23 @ 9:00 PM
TheOnion - Tips For Proper Dental Hygiene https://t.co/aD8Fud56PB

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9/23 @ 8:00 PM
TheOnion - 30-Year-Old Factors In Birthday Money https://t.co/HyLLlpLQNt https://t.co/TaaMgakJTU

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9/23 @ 7:00 PM
TheOnion - In today's news: Gary Johnson, Ken Burns' new documentary, and the dangers of MDMA https://t.co/CoCs5ZzXQS

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9/23 @ 6:35 PM
TheOnion - South Korea Unveils Plan To Assassinate Kim Jong-Un https://t.co/DGElo7O0UC #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/VJ8bdYZh0w

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9/23 @ 5:58 PM
TheOnion - Little-Known Rules Of Golf https://t.co/OWLesFh41q https://t.co/DveHxbwHeV

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9/23 @ 5:22 PM
TheOnion - Did You Know? https://t.co/d55OdwKgmP

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9/23 @ 5:20 PM
TheOnion - Did You Know? https://t.co/zFyz6QGqP0 https://t.co/45ajTCyuhG

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9/23 @ 4:39 PM
TheOnion - Little Karate Figures On Top Of Local Dojo's Trophies All Cowering In Fear https://t.co/ctXQ5YOZIM https://t.co/MjRxDxoxYq

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9/23 @ 4:00 PM
TheOnion - Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’ https://t.co/ab3tEHueFG https://t.co/UY2qq8fD91

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9/23 @ 2:51 PM
TheOnion - Officials Unveil Plan To Convert Underused Senate Chamber Into Storage Facility https://t.co/6DAU1UOkvs https://t.co/roTnHudpLt

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9/23 @ 1:52 PM
TheOnion - How To Strike It Rich https://t.co/BHPtUdzXrr https://t.co/AG0AhZh2hn

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9/23 @ 1:20 PM
TheOnion - Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons https://t.co/Rntmn3QUOp https://t.co/mGhcN669kD

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9/23 @ 12:49 PM
TheOnion - Small Town Beginning To Wonder What Taking Heroin Epidemic So Long To Get There https://t.co/f8DQeVM7H3 https://t.co/sqBfIwolRL

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9/23 @ 12:12 PM
TheOnion - Ken Burns Completes Documentary About Fucking Liars Who Claimed They Watched Entire ‘Jazz’ Series https://t.co/T7zyd6QoFu

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9/23 @ 11:31 AM
TheOnion - Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact https://t.co/QaZrnkDYyq https://t.co/1SQKS9jUfV

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9/23 @ 10:49 AM
TheOnion - Sunday Magazine: https://t.co/twaPFfDxof

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9/23 @ 10:21 AM
TheOnion - Study Confirms Link Between Holidays And Weight Gain https://t.co/MgnL7yYQd8 #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/3W7lkwBaKv

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9/23 @ 9:45 AM
TheOnion - 6-Day Visit To Rural African Village Completely Changes Woman’s Facebook Profile Picture https://t.co/6peMDZAAvu https://t.co/gE5YalE3gh

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9/23 @ 8:44 AM
TheOnion - Anti-MDMA Campaign Warns Teens About Dangers Of Feeling More Connected To Others https://t.co/DmLEdxDqNc https://t.co/vbDQDlh6h1

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9/22 @ 10:00 PM
TheOnion - Tips For Growing An Herb Garden https://t.co/3ZLQpbAtUC

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9/22 @ 8:20 PM
TheOnion - For the latest from the world’s most unstoppable media juggernaut, visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed. https://t.co/E1NWBt7YK5

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9/22 @ 8:04 PM
TheOnion - Man Arriving Late Forced To Use Excuse He Was Saving For Leaving Early https://t.co/yXh9bSaRQn https://t.co/3FpqGfbu6R

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9/22 @ 7:12 PM
TheOnion - In today's news: A blindfolded Hillary Clinton, U.S. language skills, and a high school rivalry https://t.co/GhGC5AbqSB

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9/22 @ 5:46 PM
TheOnion - Chicago Adds 1,000 Officers To Police Force https://t.co/MgxA5JRdw9 #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/l8i4RiAuLG

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9/22 @ 5:14 PM
TheOnion - From The Archives: Bloomberg Defends NYPD’s Controversial Stop And Kiss Program https://t.co/Drk1ggZCsK

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