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10/24 @ 12:30 AM
TheOnion - Early registration times allow scholar-athletes to enroll in the most in-demand fluff courses http://t.co/XOxVRf08Mf http://t.co/H36jmKYv3g

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10/23 @ 11:40 PM
TheOnion - Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise http://t.co/bEiGEQ2IUx

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10/23 @ 10:40 PM
TheOnion - Report: Advertisers Threatening To Pull Money Now The Only Remaining Way To Effect Any Change http://t.co/fYbtjfywMO

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10/23 @ 8:40 PM
TheOnion - Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats http://t.co/1HrnBXXRge http://t.co/xKG7K2QiY5

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10/23 @ 7:40 PM
TheOnion - New National Park Caters To Business Travelers http://t.co/iUoghPF0xh

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10/23 @ 6:33 PM
TheOnion - New Hobby To Tide Retired Man Over Until Death http://t.co/NUpiIaokAY http://t.co/C8Pf0llq10

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10/23 @ 6:10 PM
TheOnion - [American Voices] Report: UNC Inflated Grades, Created Fake Classes For Over 3,100 Students http://t.co/GrNAV5LUJL #WhatDoYouThink?

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10/23 @ 5:54 PM
TheOnion - Post-epidemic tribes will refer to this site as “the darkness lands” | Track Ebola in the U.S. http://t.co/PV3NFwCADi http://t.co/zCQy7G2PSf

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10/23 @ 5:00 PM
TheOnion - In Focus: Brave Woman Enters Restaurant Without First Looking It Up Online http://t.co/dN9fclkU30 http://t.co/jc3B1LM3HQ

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10/23 @ 4:34 PM
TheOnion - Are you strong enough to resist the overpowering urge to buy our sponsor’s products after reading this content? http://t.co/Fetj57mj38 #SPON

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10/23 @ 4:08 PM
TheOnion - [American Voices] Tinder Offering Premium Paid Service To Help Users Find Better Matches http://t.co/wb3zBgclNq #WhatDoYouThink?

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10/23 @ 3:44 PM
TheOnion - At Ohio State, athletes receive complimentary transportation to and from crime scenes http://t.co/8dwC5D756E http://t.co/I3zhnCQ4Vh

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10/23 @ 3:31 PM
TheOnion - Researchers also recommend slowly tightening one’s grip around their boss’s throat http://t.co/qqb77u7PNR http://t.co/JdVIFNVgxZ

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10/23 @ 2:54 PM
TheOnion - This content is brought to you by the wanton greed inherent in human nature http://t.co/AbxQCAKJOJ #SPON

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10/23 @ 2:40 PM
TheOnion - Report: Advertisers Threatening To Pull Money Now The Only Remaining Way To Effect Any Change http://t.co/ZbJg6IDYQs

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10/23 @ 2:24 PM
TheOnion - Scientists Announce Today Best Time To Look Directly At Sun http://t.co/KvSspqNblC http://t.co/pKmb9L83td

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10/23 @ 2:01 PM
TheOnion - Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats http://t.co/g36OuEdstd http://t.co/m1xy1PlBwF

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10/23 @ 12:59 PM
TheOnion - New National Park Caters To Business Travelers http://t.co/F9SabeREQu http://t.co/7WjZkQNbj4

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10/23 @ 12:16 PM
TheOnion - This Week Last Year | Who Said It: Kanye West Or A Manual For The Cuisinart CRC-400 Electric Rice Cooker? http://t.co/3tSvBk3ths

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10/23 @ 11:15 AM
TheOnion - New Hobby To Tide Retired Man Over Until Death http://t.co/QJ6QIhz2mv http://t.co/xqqUogP7jW

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10/23 @ 10:39 AM
TheOnion - STATSHOT | What Are Strangers Putting In Our Halloween Candy? http://t.co/hVqDsxIYH3 http://t.co/UELXR0OfIQ

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10/23 @ 10:08 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: Scientists Finally Pronounce Human Genome ‘It’s Gatcaatgaggtggacaccagaggc…’ http://t.co/ounGBJ2Pa6

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10/23 @ 9:35 AM
TheOnion - From The Archives: Man Always Three Ingredients Away From Making Pancakes http://t.co/Ns7RlS3kr6

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10/23 @ 12:10 AM
TheOnion - Pueblo Indians Can’t Keep Pace With Area Mom’s Appetite For Earthenware http://t.co/pzIHP2to7I http://t.co/E0gJqyOqWH

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10/22 @ 11:10 PM
TheOnion - Area Man Released After Being Wrongfully Employed For 9 Years http://t.co/NZNuFRrrEj

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10/22 @ 10:10 PM
TheOnion - New Census Study Finds That 40% Of U.S. Population Is Filler http://t.co/kDiPwBZ8nx http://t.co/AFGZyAXFHe

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10/22 @ 9:10 PM
TheOnion - Second-Grader Likes To Save Purple Pills For Last http://t.co/NRcgFcweF9

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10/22 @ 8:10 PM
TheOnion - Cake Left Out In Break Room With No Instructions http://t.co/74VNGoYmOt http://t.co/L8hK0IFG7Y

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10/22 @ 7:10 PM
TheOnion - Midterm Candidates Distancing Selves From United States http://t.co/RAyQe3VwRT

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10/22 @ 6:12 PM
TheOnion - Man’s Whole Job Undoing Handiwork Of Self-Checkout Machine http://t.co/yZ1i3Hqn1b http://t.co/LbN7TeQ3XS

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10/22 @ 5:38 PM
TheOnion - Here are some tips for finding the right doctor: http://t.co/fxKTa1gEhj http://t.co/rRB4Y6QdEO

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10/22 @ 5:02 PM
TheOnion - [American Voices] Toys ‘R’ Us Pulls ‘Breaking Bad’ Action Figures From Shelves http://t.co/oCw6SwvUnl #WhatDoYouThink?

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10/22 @ 4:21 PM
TheOnion - Pueblo Indians Can’t Keep Pace With Area Mom’s Appetite For Earthenware http://t.co/YffXD3LVjS http://t.co/H0TDx3p0aF

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10/22 @ 3:48 PM
TheOnion - Area Man Released After Being Wrongfully Employed For 9 Years http://t.co/M3zmweQ4dE http://t.co/sJyCUSoByq

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10/22 @ 3:03 PM
TheOnion - New Census Study Finds That 40% Of U.S. Population Is Filler http://t.co/UCtYOPqpPl http://t.co/hzh93LER5B

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10/22 @ 2:20 PM
TheOnion - If you never click this link to our sponsor’s content, you’ll never know if it’s shameful, embarrassing or both http://t.co/RqQmCT2A0w #SPON

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10/22 @ 1:53 PM
TheOnion - Second-Grader Likes To Save Purple Pills For Last http://t.co/zpFFbb6XAA http://t.co/0Es3NTKkiC

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10/22 @ 1:32 PM
TheOnion - Reports indicate that the cake definitely isn’t big enough for the entire office http://t.co/z2wfmA0P0F http://t.co/6nFE5HKXAg

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10/22 @ 1:23 PM
TheOnion - Cake Left Out In Break Room With No Instructions http://t.co/dmdSjZoH0s

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10/22 @ 12:51 PM
TheOnion - Midterm Candidates Distancing Selves From United States http://t.co/fsJ9ZRVRuM http://t.co/QnANIIckWi

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