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12/21 @ 10:30 PM
TheOnion - T.J. Maxx Job Application Just Asks Prospective Employees How Much They Plan To Shoplift http://t.co/4doHrRBooj #OurAnnualYear

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12/21 @ 8:30 PM
TheOnion - Germans Humiliated After Winning World Cup 6.38 Seconds Behind Schedule http://t.co/9mEXBLflJ6 #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/ARTBYhDTym

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12/21 @ 6:30 PM
TheOnion - Few More Items Knocked Off List Of Desirable Traits In Partner As Woman Turns Year Older http://t.co/7TlKRwtU86 #OurAnnualYear

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12/21 @ 4:30 PM
TheOnion - New Anti-Abortion Legislation Requires Doctors To Scale 18-Foot Wall Surrounding Clinic http://t.co/nlJqoDlZIs #OurAnnualYear

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12/21 @ 4:00 PM
TheOnion - Perverted Little Boy Asks To Sleep With Parents http://t.co/zkXqmrLHKo #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/4vhTRG5XHD

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12/21 @ 3:30 PM
TheOnion - Americans Demand New Form Of Media To Bridge Entertainment Gap While Looking From Laptop To Phone http://t.co/5rV67PDzm1 #OurAnnualYear

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12/21 @ 2:30 PM
TheOnion - Nation’s Gratuitously Sexual Couples Announce Plans To Wait In Line At Six Flags http://t.co/n4lx2xQheP #OurAnnualYear

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12/21 @ 1:30 PM
TheOnion - Report: Climate Change Skeptics Could Reach Catastrophic Levels By 2020 http://t.co/23Qa2OymGA #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/xrZqvb9O15

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12/21 @ 1:00 PM
TheOnion - NASA Announces Plans To Launch Chimpanzee Into Sun http://t.co/uPAXrPGX6t #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/HNjA8zTgPs

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12/21 @ 12:30 PM
TheOnion - Whitewater Rafting Trip In Which Friend Drowned Still Pretty Fun http://t.co/cCUuNRTpmx #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/KHOEDlwONb

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12/21 @ 12:00 PM
TheOnion - Two Dozen Restaurant Patrons Made Violently Ill From Marriage Proposal http://t.co/SQr4S4oUp7 #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/aQnetea7M7

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12/21 @ 11:30 AM
TheOnion - Everyone In Middle East Given Own Country In 317,000,000-State Solution http://t.co/HKrzZl1SeQ #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/HeFM3LppfW

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12/21 @ 11:00 AM
TheOnion - 45 Million Gallons Of Crude Blood Lost In Red Cross Pipeline Rupture http://t.co/u6icNjN9xV #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/OcTTNoP3nf

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12/21 @ 10:30 AM
TheOnion - Moon Finally Hatches http://t.co/wHR5G6lwYt #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/NxjBarhcOY

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12/21 @ 10:00 AM
TheOnion - Environmental Study Finds Air In Chicago Now 75% Bullets http://t.co/6PARlsgoXk #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/CNDKoJpboJ

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12/21 @ 9:00 AM
TheOnion - Red Lobster Celebrates Return Of Annual All-You-Can-Eat Krill Fest http://t.co/CmtlvivdEO #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/xlrvzx8eDA

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12/20 @ 10:30 PM
TheOnion - Nation Wondering Why Struggling Mental Health System Can’t Just Pull Itself Together http://t.co/WBegmmKarL #OurAnnualYear

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12/20 @ 6:30 PM
TheOnion - Area Woman Decides Not To Post Facebook Status That Would Have Tipped Gun Control Debate http://t.co/LQ6IulUpD4 #OurAnnualYear

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12/20 @ 4:30 PM
TheOnion - Bedtime Story From Fucking Bible Again http://t.co/AL4wWyg1QP #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/T0BzKzm0Ri

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12/20 @ 3:30 PM
TheOnion - U.S. Government Sets Aside 600,000 Acres Of Pristine Land For Future Generations To Pollute http://t.co/63A0Y419L3 #OurAnnualYear

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12/20 @ 2:30 PM
TheOnion - Report: Average Male 4,000% Less Effective In Fights Than They Imagine http://t.co/kpt7CEcI1n #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/aB5NjBrykF

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12/20 @ 1:30 PM
TheOnion - Dead Facebook Friend From High School Still Has Cartman Profile Picture http://t.co/g83YnKjo4z #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/kCTNoAFqj9

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12/20 @ 1:00 PM
TheOnion - Dad Thought He Could Make It Out Of Zoo Without Buying Kids Light-Up Shit http://t.co/zmRGNlChja #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/v0rJq8Pj3Z

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12/20 @ 12:30 PM
TheOnion - Shocking ‘Game Of Thrones’ Finale Concludes With Arrest Of 5 Million Viewers For Piracy http://t.co/zEAZeeLZPv #OurAnnualYear

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12/20 @ 12:00 PM
TheOnion - Man Unaware All His Friends Think Of Him When They Want To Put Things Into Perspective http://t.co/5KtCLyCjX5 #OurAnnualYear

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12/20 @ 11:30 AM
TheOnion - More Office Workers Switching To Fetal Position Desks http://t.co/teUH3TTEjk #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/8KBm0MIuD8

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12/20 @ 11:00 AM
TheOnion - Man Nothing But Lumbering Golem Of Rewards Cards http://t.co/otBA8l0cfF #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/naoYAtoVsT

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12/20 @ 10:30 AM
TheOnion - Study Links Drinking While Pregnant To Being At Kid Rock Concert http://t.co/Zy6jpb5Ko0 #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/qjnTuOZOqp

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12/20 @ 10:00 AM
TheOnion - New Law Enforcement Robot Can Wield Excessive Force Of 5 Human Officers http://t.co/zw0YlZaNs6 #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/R0q2yWYfXk

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12/20 @ 9:00 AM
TheOnion - God Wonders What Happens To Humans After They Die http://t.co/l5z0I8RkR4 #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/lgP4vE8FaB

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12/19 @ 9:30 PM
TheOnion - Newly Engaged Couple Receives Incredible Outpouring Of Insincerity From Family, Friends http://t.co/98gVCmZyWZ #OurAnnualYear

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12/19 @ 8:30 PM
TheOnion - Kay Jewelers Recalls 2 Million Cursed Wedding Rings http://t.co/i4yu1QRaGt #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/EHIkdiaRd2

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12/19 @ 7:30 PM
TheOnion - Woman A Leading Authority On What Shouldn’t Be In Poor People’s Grocery Carts http://t.co/6pMC6vb1J5 #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/UUoL1tJPJP

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12/19 @ 6:30 PM
TheOnion - Scientific Community Baffled By Man Whose Waist 32 With Some Pants, 33 With Others http://t.co/lv55bREeuS #OurAnnualYear

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12/19 @ 5:30 PM
TheOnion - Modernized Space Camp Allows Kids To Simulate Frustration Over Lack Of Funding http://t.co/e9avvcWA5S #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/exK1mE0eeZ

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12/19 @ 4:30 PM
TheOnion - Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection With Humane New Head-Ripping-Off Machine http://t.co/4hYne78KDd #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/KvAnzhHT4u

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12/19 @ 3:30 PM
TheOnion - Man Only Buys Products Made Right Here In The USA By Cheap Immigrant Labor http://t.co/vVGdd21DeF #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/UlEWzJt661

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12/19 @ 2:30 PM
TheOnion - High School Suspends Hunky Student For Wearing Shirt http://t.co/e1QRibpXQ4 #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/hLjxlOb0FF

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12/19 @ 1:30 PM
TheOnion - Fourth-Grader With Shark Tooth Necklace Must Have Killed Great White http://t.co/3df2jvG2Tt #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/AF0ZQ7JXi8

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12/19 @ 1:00 PM
TheOnion - Everyone In Sears Spanking A Child http://t.co/xttvdWOHoj #OurAnnualYear http://t.co/yq198I2AsO

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