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4/20 @ 11:45 PM
TheOnion - Iowa Restaurant Patron Can Remember Every Breakfast Ruined By Presidential Candidates http://t.co/jgSdTktwFw http://t.co/rBP9dCXlKg

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4/20 @ 10:45 PM
TheOnion - Hand Gestures Transform Friend’s Story Into Immersive Virtual Reality Experience http://t.co/BmZuR8giFB http://t.co/CJbVE1U7Td

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4/20 @ 9:45 PM
TheOnion - CON: Enables children to Google negative findings of studies on excessive screen time http://t.co/Hxf2CFZU2D http://t.co/iR2kZtu9wJ

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4/20 @ 8:45 PM
TheOnion - "I figured out I could just replace the part about her being a frigid woman.” http://t.co/dRwJyy5FX6 http://t.co/nLp8fW2qDe

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4/20 @ 7:45 PM
TheOnion - Viewer Prepared To Believe Whatever Documentary Tells Him About Coral Reefs http://t.co/1Aq5rLQY8e http://t.co/Xo5VQhr8Gw

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4/20 @ 7:00 PM
TheOnion - Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse http://t.co/GfpycIaTdv http://t.co/5MD4z6mwSJ

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4/20 @ 5:49 PM
TheOnion - The ancient Sumerians had no word for "journalistic integrity." We honor their legacy with this #sponsored content: http://t.co/rBpNT3m6R9

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4/20 @ 5:21 PM
TheOnion - In Focus: Mysterious Crate Arrives From London http://t.co/1i7At8EZin http://t.co/rysMtGV84T

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4/20 @ 4:20 PM
TheOnion - Pot Smokers Around World Celebrate 4/20 http://t.co/goxMsNlDZE #WhatDoYouThink? http://t.co/A98sWw2xhU

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4/20 @ 4:02 PM
TheOnion - The media landscape may shift, but our deep contempt for our readers will never change. Read this #sponsored content: http://t.co/Z60dKAKT2f

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4/20 @ 3:29 PM
TheOnion - Hand Gestures Transform Friend’s Story Into Immersive Virtual Reality Experience http://t.co/0v9b1T6cRH http://t.co/361U8veDI6

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4/20 @ 3:05 PM
TheOnion - PRO: Finite battery life an important lesson on mortality CON: Puts your high scores in danger http://t.co/bUEFSzjaL8 http://t.co/1YIWbvdjJz

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4/20 @ 2:53 PM
TheOnion - Here are some pros and cons of screen time for kids: http://t.co/bUEFSzjaL8 http://t.co/dW9lkw9GeD

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4/20 @ 1:38 PM
TheOnion - In Focus: Black Box Records Last 90 Minutes Of Hot-Air Balloon Crash http://t.co/yZ34TkW9LJ http://t.co/U76IoZiHKE

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4/20 @ 12:59 PM
TheOnion - In Focus: Stoners Announce Plans To Get Stoned For That http://t.co/E9NTNA0Duo

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4/20 @ 12:24 PM
TheOnion - Viewer Prepared To Believe Whatever Documentary Tells Him About Coral Reefs http://t.co/CR6Lr8tgNK http://t.co/QYpjXPBDIu

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4/20 @ 12:14 PM
TheOnion - The Onion has sold our 23 previous #Webby awards for scrap. Vote here and help us begin this beautiful cycle anew: http://t.co/6jAvsRUXXk

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4/20 @ 11:49 AM
TheOnion - Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse http://t.co/YPJlpdgBph http://t.co/58cLepOwuf

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4/20 @ 11:11 AM
TheOnion - Editorial Cartoon: 'To Hill And Back' http://t.co/7IcixNDfzA http://t.co/zSYutRZ8Ii

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4/20 @ 10:41 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: Alcoholic Father Disappointed In Pothead Son http://t.co/b8EfEA4ne6 http://t.co/hQwjg9XAfq

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4/20 @ 10:12 AM
TheOnion - The Week In Pictures – Week Of April 20, 2015 http://t.co/npBVkXo1rr http://t.co/knOYnbagJ3

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4/20 @ 9:35 AM
TheOnion - In Focus: Manager Slits Own Throat After Realizing Some Members Of Company Not On Same Page http://t.co/ZJb6JNTFBm http://t.co/WmG3mLerIV

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4/19 @ 5:30 PM
TheOnion - In Sports: Left Fielder Thinking About The Ways A Triple Play Could End With Him http://t.co/VOqwNavSvH http://t.co/o4O8kh9TIv

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4/19 @ 4:15 PM
TheOnion - Petco: All full-time hires entitled to complimentary therapy rat http://t.co/73fiS3qSja http://t.co/XvmNUcXMnH

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4/19 @ 3:00 PM
TheOnion - In World News: Interpol Admits 89% Of Its Cases Involve Finding, Recovering The Mona Lisa http://t.co/pijBQthWV3 http://t.co/Fxk049Dh7u

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4/19 @ 2:00 PM
TheOnion - Consider opening a registry at your local bank http://t.co/19vmu7rjJk http://t.co/kJD6EaSFFR

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4/19 @ 1:00 PM
TheOnion - Lethal Injection Least Effective Drugs Man Took While In Prison http://t.co/ahaF3gwwNG http://t.co/NlktvO2g1E

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4/19 @ 11:15 AM
TheOnion - Top Story: Lovestruck Arabian Princess Begs Father To Spare John Kerry’s Life http://t.co/5x3mCCVms7 http://t.co/9aGa7eePG4

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4/19 @ 10:30 AM
TheOnion - This Week's Top Story | Hillary Clinton To Nation: ‘Do Not Fuck This Up For Me’ http://t.co/tHCP9gSPgv http://t.co/PDmjnYY7t1

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4/19 @ 9:45 AM
TheOnion - Editorial Cartoon: 'La Cage Aux Fat' http://t.co/NXV7HyTePQ http://t.co/FI7J3gJ6aq

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4/18 @ 7:00 PM
TheOnion - Fast Food Drive-Thru Just Cow Carcass, Bucket For Money http://t.co/RvtA2ketn5 http://t.co/K4IVDR23Mw

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4/18 @ 5:45 PM
TheOnion - In Sports: Mom Scared For NHL Players Without Visors http://t.co/1UkfmzDzGJ http://t.co/ECJ1jy7Jtt

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4/18 @ 4:30 PM
TheOnion - U.S. Encouraging Cuba To Shift Toward Democratic System Of Corruption http://t.co/knyLkG3oV0 http://t.co/KcbgMllJPU

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4/18 @ 3:15 PM
TheOnion - Hillary Clinton: The Merciless, Unrelenting March To The Presidency http://t.co/BFp8YGtOuj http://t.co/jN7I1HWiSQ

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4/18 @ 2:00 PM
TheOnion - Top Story: Oh God, Teacher Arranged Desks In Giant Circle http://t.co/R4BYLBx2L3 http://t.co/nH8TQVnFzk

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4/18 @ 1:15 PM
TheOnion - The Onion breaks down what you should know about @MarcoRubio: http://t.co/V0zeJqwVGv http://t.co/h8k5memVQY

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4/18 @ 12:30 PM
TheOnion - In Focus: Alzheimer's Disease Causing Baby Boomers To Misremember 1960s Even More http://t.co/pm1pPTDwQg http://t.co/4faPsHgKDW

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4/18 @ 11:45 AM
TheOnion - In World News: New Evidence Suggests Middle East Conflict Predates All Human Civilization http://t.co/RndzlWG5kR http://t.co/tqEEbUMaGI

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4/18 @ 11:00 AM
TheOnion - Architect Presents Obama With Generic Options For War Memorial That Could Work For Syria, Libya, Yemen http://t.co/q5W8yNIPSc

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4/18 @ 10:15 AM
TheOnion - This Week Last Year: Community Theater Gives Part Of Blanche DuBois To Kathy Fucking Hamilton http://t.co/nedH7TMqgd http://t.co/uKUfuQlOIR

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