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1/24 @ 8:06 AM
TheOnion - Study Finds Getting Smacked Right In The Mouth With A Goddamn Tree Branch Really Sucks https://t.co/TePQtHjKoD https://t.co/EcFabVoBIX

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1/24 @ 12:49 AM
TheOnion - Pros And Cons Of Vaccinating Children https://t.co/fe4WZ8b3DZ

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1/23 @ 11:35 PM
TheOnion - Death Row Inmate Can’t Deny He Curious To See How State Pulls Off Lethal Injection https://t.co/uMlDOKY9O5 https://t.co/GaNjMCZAnH

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1/23 @ 10:58 PM
TheOnion - Mob Not Angry At Monster, Just Disappointed https://t.co/gZN17lOcoO https://t.co/AqFs9yUBKl

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1/23 @ 9:44 PM
TheOnion - New Evidence Suggests Early Humans First Used Fire To Impress Friends https://t.co/bIs3jH1pj3 https://t.co/nFWiNsHkAE

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1/23 @ 9:07 PM
TheOnion - Moviegoer Manages To Sneak Candy Past Teenage Usher Earning $7 An Hour https://t.co/TBC28iFVtZ https://t.co/OuQBKbmvoA

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1/23 @ 8:30 PM
TheOnion - In today's news: Mike Pence, a compassionate fisherman, and an explanatory Post-it note https://t.co/1QHQLnJlEl

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1/23 @ 8:12 PM
TheOnion - To see more unmatched reporting, visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed. https://t.co/2WsNR448D7

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1/23 @ 7:53 PM
TheOnion - Did You Know? https://t.co/JQYGkEJMmc

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1/23 @ 7:16 PM
TheOnion - Women’s Marches See 2.9 Million Participants https://t.co/ADcDtTO4uJ #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/3o1qS5QQTu

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1/23 @ 6:02 PM
TheOnion - Tips For Making The Perfect Bloody Mary https://t.co/JVb2LY5aHi https://t.co/uJrBHGzRZV

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1/23 @ 5:25 PM
TheOnion - Olive Oil In Skinny Bottle Obviously Better https://t.co/VwmKv6xfLf https://t.co/gJJRH3Y4oy

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1/23 @ 4:11 PM
TheOnion - Kellyanne Conway’s inspiration is stage moms everywhere. https://t.co/qqPmEuZlCM

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1/23 @ 3:34 PM
TheOnion - Temp Excited To Begin First Day As Secretary Of Agriculture https://t.co/y6NZo1kS1k https://t.co/5bgUqiIpqz

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1/23 @ 2:57 PM
TheOnion - National News Highlights https://t.co/0vrbGzoKXj

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1/23 @ 2:20 PM
TheOnion - Obama Fills Out Lukewarm Glassdoor Review After Exiting Presidency https://t.co/QtFRSeSeKt https://t.co/ht1z2pAbBg

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1/23 @ 1:43 PM
TheOnion - Sign you shouldn’t accept a job offer: the job posting was found on the same site where you got a free couch. https://t.co/B5HSslBuDq

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1/23 @ 12:29 PM
TheOnion - Compassionate Fisherman Doesn’t Have Heart To Throw Trout Back Into Incredibly Polluted Lake https://t.co/pVxRl3Zcz6 https://t.co/vhjXfIzmyg

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1/23 @ 11:52 AM
TheOnion - ‘El Chapo’ Extradited To U.S. https://t.co/zQx65NHcMi #WhatDoYouThink? https://t.co/wHWZtMioWg

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1/23 @ 11:15 AM
TheOnion - The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 23, 2017 https://t.co/AvqdDa7KaF https://t.co/tj6vi1OrGp

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1/23 @ 10:32 AM
TheOnion - Prescription Label Recommends Just Taking More And More Until Something Kicks In https://t.co/0To3Dj2eeR https://t.co/AQsfWhOY7I

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1/23 @ 9:46 AM
TheOnion - Capitol Building Dome Deflates https://t.co/nKWL4rkabz https://t.co/8vW2i5bYpP

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1/23 @ 9:00 AM
TheOnion - Head Of National Potato Council Declares U.S. In Midst Of Potato Renaissance https://t.co/QPbVzUbvp8 https://t.co/kbbfnE1bJe

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1/23 @ 8:14 AM
TheOnion - Anthropologists Discover Ancient Greek Super PAC That Helped Shape First Democracy https://t.co/0VlyoS1yOT https://t.co/NiBaNjphQA

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1/22 @ 11:52 PM
TheOnion - Scroll through eight years of killer tuneage, mean machines, and shotgunning brewhas with Diamond Joe.… https://t.co/jFm6CAHunV

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1/22 @ 10:57 PM
TheOnion - Black Man Out Of Work https://t.co/4XUW0dpbFh https://t.co/nxTEW261Kv

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1/22 @ 10:02 PM
TheOnion - Scroll through 'The Onion’s’ complete coverage of the last 8 years of a Republican-controlled president.… https://t.co/yt8L2HRXmY

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1/22 @ 9:07 PM
TheOnion - Biden Making Plans To Go Completely Legit After Vice Presidency https://t.co/pV8DuEBGPj https://t.co/6494db99KN

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1/22 @ 8:12 PM
TheOnion - License To Negotiate: A Look Back At The Covert Operations Of Secretary Of State John Kerry https://t.co/tasJd13EfV https://t.co/JkyMPPug3n

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1/22 @ 6:22 PM
TheOnion - Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football https://t.co/qXixSTmlR8 https://t.co/uHmzyTDeeA

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1/22 @ 4:32 PM
TheOnion - Quarterback Better Snap The Ball, Reports Man Nervously Eyeing Play Clock https://t.co/v2eqyff3jF https://t.co/GKw08QLDjt

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1/22 @ 3:26 PM
TheOnion - "I must do these foul deeds to free Papa, thinking only of his pained, spectral face slowly disappearing behind tha… https://t.co/nmDogC7vUw

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1/22 @ 1:47 PM
TheOnion - One of Melania Trump’s goal as @FLOTUS: visit the White House every now and then. https://t.co/cnBZWscVHe https://t.co/TYp3M13X9v

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1/22 @ 12:57 PM
TheOnion - Obama Hoping He Doesn’t Run Into U.S. Populace After Presidency https://t.co/uWsr2tatI8 https://t.co/zTYYZA5MQC

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1/22 @ 11:57 AM
TheOnion - Scroll through eight years of killer tuneage, mean machines, and shotgunning brewhas with Diamond Joe.… https://t.co/xYwi9LDYEF

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1/22 @ 11:02 AM
TheOnion - Asshole Moves To Part Of City Where All The Assholes Live https://t.co/yK9J07IMFs https://t.co/Sbqk5u5mtX

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1/22 @ 10:07 AM
TheOnion - Scroll through 'The Onion’s’ complete coverage of the last 8 years of a Republican-controlled president.… https://t.co/fC5spekXwK

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1/22 @ 9:12 AM
TheOnion - Whale Regrets Eating 290,000 Plastic Poker Chips That Fell Off Container Ship https://t.co/rP6sWIun0l https://t.co/687iZQmXys

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