How to Handle Weird Career Questions From Family During the Holidays

Spencer Glass, actor and coach for actors, delivers advice on how to handle tough conversations at family holidays, and pointed questions about your acting career. Check back monthly for more actor wisdom from Spencer. 

Actors know the script before the night even begins. Someone hands you a plate and casually asks, "So when are you going to be famous or on Broadway or in a movie?” A little later, someone else follows with, and when are you actually going to make money or find something stable?” It is exhausting.

These questions feel a) rude, and b) like a pop quiz you did NOT SAY YOU'D BE TAKING!!! You're navigating one of the most unpredictable careers out there, and suddenly you’re presenting a progress report to people who have no idea how this industry works. You're not imagining the sting...it's real, and it makes sense if a part of you shuts down. Your career is not a group project, and yet it can feel like everyone thinks they get a vote. This holiday season, I want you to take some of that power back.

Why These Questions Hurt

These questions often land like judgment, even when they're framed as friendly curiosity. "When are you going to be famous?” can sound like, "nothing you’ve done so far matters.” “When are you going to make money?”* can feel like, when are you going to grow up and choose something real?” For an artist pouring time, training, rejection, faith, and a lot of financial investment into their craft, that cuts deep. You're allowed to feel that. You're allowed to want your family to recognize the courage it takes to stay in this industry. Often, they simply do not know how to talk about your career without falling back on these WEIRD questions. You aren't alone.

Responding to the Fame Question

When the fame question appears, remember this...you owe no one a timeline, a resume recap, or proof that you’re “still in the game.” A grounded response might be, "I’m building a career that means something to me, and success in this field looks different for everyone.” That's a boundary without defensiveness. It reminds them that not every win is public, and not every milestone shows up on a playbill or billboard. Progress is often invisible from the outside. Sometimes, even we as actors can’t see it clearly while we’re in it. Which reminds me, please take a second to stop and smell the roses. Have you applauded yourself lately? 

Responding to the Money or Stability Question

When the money or stability question rolls in, remember that you do not have to justify your life choices. You might say, “I’m building stability in my own way and on my own timeline.” The artistic path is not linear. If the conversation drifts into territory that feels belittling, you can pivot or simply state, “The same way I wouldn’t ask you about your finances, I don’t feel the need to discuss mine.” Protecting your peace is allowed. (You could also do what I once did and ask a certain family member, “Oh, have you gotten any promotions lately? Feeling secure financially?”… but I don’t exactly recommend that but whoops, that happened.

A Final Reframe

The holidays don't have to become a performance review of your talent or your worth. You're allowed to take up space as an actor even in rooms that don’t know how to hold that truth. You're also allowed to explain the complexity of this career if you want, because sometimes people who love you need a clearer picture. Your career is not a group project. Your timeline is not up for public debate. And you do not need permission from anyone at that table to keep going.