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danecook on Twitter

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http://www.twitter.com/danecook
11/26 @ 2:13 AM
DaneCook - Happy Fuckin' Holidays.

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11/25 @ 9:12 PM
DaneCook - “@TheCrusher007: @DaneCook one hell of a tour indeed. http://t.co/iKpLi9perV” - ha. He opened for me.

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11/25 @ 6:13 PM
DaneCook - Sometimes on stage I can bend space and time. #FunHolidayFact #FHF http://t.co/5Tciit0JY4

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11/25 @ 6:11 PM
DaneCook - One of the most successful comedy tours of all time. I wonder if I could top it. #hmmmmm http://t.co/G1xhwoLGgW

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11/25 @ 4:14 PM
DaneCook - Girls love taking a big poop so they can look in the mirror after and see how much flatter their tummy got.

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11/24 @ 7:04 PM
DaneCook - Is Winona Ryder on here? I wanna talk to her about Beetlejuice.

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11/24 @ 6:36 PM
DaneCook - I don't need forgiveness from a person that can't own their own betrayals.

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11/24 @ 6:08 PM
DaneCook - WOW Pablo Sandoval to join Hanley Ramirez on @RedSox

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11/24 @ 6:07 PM
DaneCook - I don't like idle threats mostly because I'm just too busy of a guy. I appreciate more of a bustling threat.

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11/24 @ 5:50 PM
DaneCook - My 2 shows in Calgary selling out quick! Get TIX before the holiday! It's for a great cause. TIX/411 are here: http://t.co/6L3CbPFAP5

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11/24 @ 4:25 PM
DaneCook - I have friends that do porn. These are some of the texts we text when we are texting. #PornText #NSFW… http://t.co/ltDMeU9AxK

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11/24 @ 3:44 PM
DaneCook - I want you to know I'm proud what you've accomplished but I'm also profoundly disappointed in you for reasons I can't get into here.

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11/23 @ 5:58 PM
DaneCook - RT this if you are in love with your roommate but they don't know it.

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11/23 @ 4:33 PM
DaneCook - Waiting to go onstage. No idea what my arm is doing. johncampanelli1 takes crappy pix. http://t.co/fCIKQTvKa9

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11/23 @ 2:23 AM
DaneCook - Girls you can't airbrush away your pain.

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11/22 @ 11:46 PM
DaneCook - #HappySaturdayNight http://t.co/eOXofnkRIz

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11/22 @ 7:33 PM
DaneCook - I wish I could have a real conversation with Reed Rothchild today.

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11/22 @ 3:16 PM
DaneCook - I took this pic with my pop a couple of years before he passed away. He came on the road with me for a… http://t.co/C1YNIFETdZ

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11/22 @ 2:03 AM
DaneCook - “@TheaTrinidadTMT: Heyyyyyyy @catherinekelley we should go see @DaneCook at #TheLaughFactory ????” -- I agree. Get down here.

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11/22 @ 1:35 AM
DaneCook - Headed to work. http://t.co/PmgF4bVCWn

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11/21 @ 11:47 PM
DaneCook - You're never gonna squirt so just relax and enjoy the mediocre sex.

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11/21 @ 8:19 PM
DaneCook - You asked. I answered. Here's the full body shot from that shoot. http://t.co/Z2j1ufQopa

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11/21 @ 8:12 PM
DaneCook - It's not a Friday unless there is a commercial for a new movie opening that Rolling Stone magazine is "raving" about.

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11/21 @ 7:00 PM
DaneCook - .@KeepCalmBeSassy said: apparently I'm the "reluctant slut" http://t.co/U55PhxtGeM” -- haaaa best so far right here!

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11/21 @ 6:51 PM
DaneCook - Let's play! Text this to someone random: I'm about to make a porn what character should I be? Save the pic & post w/ #DaneCookToldMe2

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11/21 @ 3:44 PM
DaneCook - Something.. something.. hit me on my funny boner.

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11/21 @ 3:20 PM
DaneCook - I was just working out and thinking about how much I love performing stand up comedy. I have such a… http://t.co/APVcb8LpVR

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11/21 @ 1:36 PM
DaneCook - Tonight & tomorrow night -- I'm at the Laugh Factory Hollywood. 10 show both nights.

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11/20 @ 9:28 PM
DaneCook - WATCH & LETS http://t.co/nQnxY8RGij

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11/20 @ 5:26 PM
DaneCook - I'm very excited about the launch of this brand new magazine. There was a ton of airbrushing and CGI… http://t.co/SsF1l2R4Vk

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11/20 @ 4:41 PM
DaneCook - If I unfollow you it's not personal. We just grew apart & I wanna follow other people. I wish you well. Please remember all the good posts.

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11/20 @ 4:37 PM
DaneCook - I'm funny. http://t.co/ciwY7R70Bo

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11/20 @ 3:22 PM
DaneCook - Eating a popsicle is like sucking a tasty frozen penis.

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11/20 @ 3:22 PM
DaneCook - "Victim" is an unfortunate label for a plaintiff. Yet, the word defendant has such a nobel ring to it. Should be Survivor vs Instigator.

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11/20 @ 2:58 PM
DaneCook - #tbt #sadbdayeditionpart2 #ConfidentPosture #OrangeWasTheNewBlack #CameraWasOnATimer http://t.co/j0XFeb9GU6

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11/20 @ 2:43 PM
DaneCook - I was a popular birthday boy. #BlowingCandlesOutFromTheFoulLine #CondomBalloons #TinyRedHat #tbt… http://t.co/GLERmNVW1L

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11/20 @ 2:32 PM
DaneCook - By @themccanne: One of the best shows ever! danecook & @adamsandler one after the other with Joe… http://t.co/XrMAXwEFEN

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11/20 @ 2:24 PM
DaneCook - #tbt #traveledition to when we all took Old Furniture Airlines to a family vaca. That kid… http://t.co/L7Tt0NxGOz

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11/20 @ 1:45 PM
DaneCook - Apatow brought Sandler onstage tonight at the Improv. I took a picture of it. http://t.co/teMubrM23K

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11/18 @ 6:18 PM
DaneCook - I'm coming up with a new theme song for Game of Thrones. Anyone wanna jam on this today? I just need… http://t.co/TIJSr7P9ux

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