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danecook on Twitter

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http://www.twitter.com/danecook
8/22 @ 12:17 AM
DaneCook - If you wear a vest you clearly want to be saved.

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8/21 @ 11:42 PM
DaneCook - Hollywood. Where everywhere you turn there's glamour! http://t.co/WxoekUatLb

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8/21 @ 9:13 PM
DaneCook - My hugs feel like you just got fucked well.

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8/21 @ 8:01 PM
DaneCook - #tbt with Jessica Alba when penguin suits were all the rage. http://t.co/J8ilTcJFrq

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8/21 @ 7:44 PM
DaneCook - Never be afraid to speak your incompetence.

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8/21 @ 7:43 PM
DaneCook - Marketing plan for my comedy event #Troublemaker is huge. Wait until you see this show. #Oct17 #Showtime

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8/20 @ 8:27 PM
DaneCook - I accepted the #ALSicebucketchallenge & nom @SteveMartinToGo @SouthPark @NASA astronauts Steve Swanson @Astro_Reid http://t.co/nJvJFMUjgF

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8/20 @ 3:38 PM
DaneCook - I love you but I still wanna see other social networking sites.

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8/20 @ 3:22 PM
DaneCook - Some people are so insensitive. These are the people that are the most fun on game night at my house.

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8/20 @ 2:37 PM
DaneCook - Hollywood is such a small community. Every girl in town got their period today.

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8/20 @ 2:27 PM
DaneCook - I just bought a water vapor satellite with my rainy day money.

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8/20 @ 1:57 PM
DaneCook - I always cry seeing that commercial where the dad leaves his family while mom and kids watch in horror. Wait.. I'm watching home movies.

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8/20 @ 3:39 AM
DaneCook - When the voices in your head go to sleep but you're still up that's a bummer.

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8/19 @ 11:55 PM
DaneCook - When I'm in a pool I splash. If you don't like it don't fuckin' swim near me.

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8/19 @ 10:35 PM
DaneCook - I believe in the power of closed.

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8/19 @ 9:44 PM
DaneCook - When someone keeps their word it's like fucking bizarre.

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8/19 @ 9:40 PM
DaneCook - Look at your #RecentlyUsed emoji. If most are crazy faces you're psycho. Food you're overweight. Gun, pill or poop you need therapy.

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8/19 @ 9:33 PM
DaneCook - It's nice to be kinda appreciated sorta.

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8/19 @ 9:04 PM
DaneCook - Harmful- 2003 Retaliation- 2005 Vicious- 2006 Rough- 2007 ISolated- 2008 Best- 2010 Troublemaker- Oct 17th 2014

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8/19 @ 6:06 PM
DaneCook - I've spent a lot of time alone the last couple of days. I'm really starting to grow on me.

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8/19 @ 4:17 PM
DaneCook - If you fall it's okay to stay down awhile instead of jumping right back into the flow. Initiative can solidify in stillness.

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8/19 @ 3:16 PM
DaneCook - I've listened to this more times than I can remember. It's something I strongly recommend hearing if… http://t.co/KhnLOJojoK

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8/19 @ 2:47 PM
DaneCook - I don't think girls really appreciate how gratifying it is as a guy to break in a baseball cap organically over time.

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8/19 @ 12:05 PM
DaneCook - My 1st @NYComedyFest show at the @BeaconTheatre already sold out so I added another http://t.co/oNU67QE6pM “SUFI" for pre-sale tickets #NYCF

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8/19 @ 3:10 AM
DaneCook - Don't let anyone take away your sparkle.

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8/19 @ 12:14 AM
DaneCook - Don Pardo, announcer for SNL, has died at 96. I want to tell a brief story about this man. I always… http://t.co/078lUMMmSl

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8/18 @ 8:03 PM
DaneCook - Steve Ballmer's induction as @LAClippers new owner sounded like he should be "LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!"

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8/18 @ 7:33 PM
DaneCook - I've gotten over 20 #ALSBucketChallenge requests. Amazing seeing this after my ALS charity event last month! My ALSBC's coming. Oh It is.

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8/18 @ 7:28 PM
DaneCook - I've gotten over 20 #ALSBucketChallenge requests. Amazing seeing this after my ALS charity event last month! Mine ALSBC's coming. Oh It is.

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8/18 @ 6:36 PM
DaneCook - .@eonline said: "@DaneCook #EXCLUSIVEMinusTheBaleFamily is such a mouthful though.” - Or how about #BabyBalesOutOfWife

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8/18 @ 6:28 PM
DaneCook - .@VH1 said: " Nick Cannon + Mariah Carey have reportedly split." - Hey 1. Not to nickel / dime here but I called this April 30th, 2008.

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8/18 @ 6:26 PM
DaneCook - .@eonline: "#EXCLUSIVE: Christian Bale and his wife Sibi have Baby #2!" - E! Is it "exclusive" if Bale his wife & Baby #1 already knew this?

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8/18 @ 6:23 PM
DaneCook - .@vulture: "Fox has killed Tina Fey's pilot: http://t.co/xRq0MQXSUC” - Killed? Vulture it's a cancelled tv show not a 3rd world dictator.

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8/18 @ 6:10 PM
DaneCook - TV news reporting is so much like entertainment news now that when they do an actual entertainment segment it's like an Oliver Stone film.

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8/18 @ 5:59 PM
DaneCook - I have a firm belief. #BeliefIsMyCocksNickname

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8/18 @ 4:33 PM
DaneCook - New neighbors moving in. This should be interesting. http://t.co/VlGSIkKu7t

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8/18 @ 3:09 PM
DaneCook - You have the right to remain vigilant.

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8/17 @ 10:37 PM
DaneCook - I think this week is going to be filled with unbridled rage.

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8/17 @ 9:28 PM
DaneCook - Remember personal beliefs?

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8/17 @ 6:17 PM
DaneCook - My ex was a real estate agent. She said she needed spacious.

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