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danecook on Twitter

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http://www.twitter.com/danecook
9/22 @ 9:37 PM
DaneCook - I'm grateful for the coming months. I've got amazing people supporting me on my journey. #Troublemaker… http://t.co/CLSChfPW23

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9/22 @ 3:30 PM
DaneCook - Send me your pic with #WhatsMyNickName and I'll give you one.

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9/22 @ 1:50 PM
DaneCook - Girls with flat faces are very loyal and are solution based. Guys with flat features will sell you into human trafficking. Beware.

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9/21 @ 10:58 PM
DaneCook - For my buddy johncampanelli1's bday I decided to destroy him in a game of ping pong. Look at his dumb… http://t.co/9dyPbPFju5

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9/21 @ 10:49 PM
DaneCook - I'm in the most adorable mood.

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9/21 @ 7:50 PM
DaneCook - Today is a perfect day to fuck up big time.

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9/20 @ 10:43 PM
DaneCook - .@changeiscomic: "@DaneCook looks like @RyanGosling if he were to cut the skin off @RyReynoIds face and wear it around like a mask." -Thx?

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9/20 @ 2:50 PM
DaneCook - Life's like dirty underwear. Sometimes you have to wake up the next day flip'em inside out and wear them again.

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9/19 @ 7:03 PM
DaneCook - Not a day goes by where I don't think about jacking a police car and driving it down a sand dune.

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9/19 @ 7:02 PM
DaneCook - I'm having way too overprotective sex.

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9/19 @ 6:36 PM
DaneCook - I'm having way to overprotective sex.

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9/19 @ 5:27 PM
DaneCook - For my show at the Laugh Factory Hollywood at 10 it's dress crazy sexy night. I'm wearing short shorts and a half tank mesh top.

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9/19 @ 4:18 PM
DaneCook - Why is there not an NFL team somewhere called the Unicorns?

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9/19 @ 3:51 PM
DaneCook - Roger Goodell's eyes sparkle like the eyes of a newborn baby. #nflpressconference

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9/19 @ 2:18 PM
DaneCook - I just can't stop thinking about iOS7. I'm starting to wonder if I gave up on a good thing.

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9/19 @ 1:21 AM
DaneCook - July 26th, 2005. Celebrating where I belong when Retaliation came out and I made history. Be there… http://t.co/wyymxWPxJI

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9/19 @ 1:02 AM
DaneCook - My first day as an aspiring young rapper. #tbt http://t.co/fzVaSNWnph

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9/18 @ 9:27 PM
DaneCook - The worst part about a breakup is explaining to people that never believed in the relationship to begin with why they were so right.

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9/18 @ 4:45 PM
DaneCook - I like a girl that looks good in life #NoFilter

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9/18 @ 2:38 PM
DaneCook - I'm writing a rare pointed letter and need a few words describing a person that's the worst kind of human. Any suggestions?

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9/17 @ 8:58 PM
DaneCook - Being a single guy in Los Angeles is a constant lottery win. Being a single girl it's like dollar scratch tickets.

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9/17 @ 8:48 PM
DaneCook - Porn stars give the best advice at noon and the worst at midnight.

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9/17 @ 4:37 PM
DaneCook - Person A: "Hey, I heard you lost your grandma when did it happen?" Person B: "During the iOS8 download." Person A: "Mine too!"

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9/17 @ 4:05 PM
DaneCook - I just updated my phone with ISIS by mistake.

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9/17 @ 3:49 PM
DaneCook - I'm pretty sure iOS 8 is downloading all the secrets of the universe in this update. #iOS8 #iOS8isSkynet

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9/17 @ 3:37 PM
DaneCook - If you ever want to make a girl go demon level pissed off just take a pic of her from a low angle in direct sunlight.

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9/17 @ 1:18 PM
DaneCook - .@JimmyDiResta said: "@DaneCook @JohnDiResta funny times. 2003. http://t.co/EXyvnvITHG” I have not seen that cover in forever. Too funny.

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9/17 @ 1:16 PM
DaneCook - Here is me way over reacting to having my name appear in a game at 2 am. @RickGlassman @davidsullivan9… http://t.co/eSQ6f8DZ5a

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9/16 @ 10:10 PM
DaneCook - Pressure creates diamonds but it also crushes skulls.

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9/16 @ 5:42 PM
DaneCook - It's back to school time bitches. New homework for myself. #HotForTeacher http://t.co/ClnmbUPhnx

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9/16 @ 3:56 PM
DaneCook - File this under Things You Never Thought You Would Ever Read Back In 1989. http://t.co/XImoIObxhI

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9/16 @ 2:32 PM
DaneCook - It's so hot today I just urinated and it was already recycled and prepped for consumption.

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9/16 @ 2:58 AM
DaneCook - File this under Things You Never Thought You Would Ever Read Back In 1989. http://t.co/XImoIObxhI

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9/15 @ 10:19 PM
DaneCook - If you add up all the times the media loops the terrible video over and over, Ray Rice has now hit his wife 1,357,221 times.

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9/15 @ 9:05 PM
DaneCook - Urban Outfitters can really go fuck itself.

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9/15 @ 8:58 PM
DaneCook - For the entire life of a model they spend on average 8 years "waiting around." #ModelLife

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9/15 @ 8:54 PM
DaneCook - Being a model means having to sit with both hands propping you up on the toilet seat or else you'll fall into the water. #ModelLife

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9/15 @ 7:59 PM
DaneCook - You wear so much bindi jewelry it's making you look like a Na'vi from Avatar. #FailingAtLife

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9/15 @ 7:54 PM
DaneCook - You tell other people how to live their lives but you pray for rain because you can't even afford a car wash. #FailingAtLife

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9/15 @ 7:37 PM
DaneCook - You have sex and it feels better for her when you are done so she can finish by herself. #FailingAtLife

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