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danecook on Twitter

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http://www.twitter.com/danecook
7/31 @ 12:59 AM
DaneCook - Performing tonight and doing what I do.

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7/30 @ 11:06 PM
DaneCook - .@FloydMayweather I bet if you were drunk in the shower soaping up your feet I could sneak in and knock your ass out.

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7/30 @ 8:38 PM
DaneCook - Fellow comedy hostage @TheJeffRichards has created music you must hear. I love it. So will you. Read this & get it: http://t.co/wa7YuOPRet

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7/29 @ 11:59 PM
DaneCook - Fuck the haters they just jealous I'ma true entertainer a lil overzealous Don't worry I ain't gonna falter You can't top me cuz I'ma halter

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7/29 @ 11:31 PM
DaneCook - My flow is baked just like a potato My rhymes are mad as OJ was at Kato You can't stop me I'ma terminator Catch me now or miss me lataaaa

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7/29 @ 9:26 PM
DaneCook - NAME CHANGE: Thank you @SnapChat for securing TheDaneCook on your platform. There you have it folks. TheDaneCook on Snapchat.

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7/29 @ 7:53 PM
DaneCook - Everytime someone refers to me as an "artist." #MeLaughingInsde

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7/29 @ 6:41 PM
DaneCook - You can do anything you want in life. Well, you can do a bunch of things. Probably limited to several. Maybe a few or one thing sorta.

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7/29 @ 6:10 PM
DaneCook - If you're not a lawyer but finish making a point by saying, "case closed" I hope you end up falsely accused of high treason.

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7/29 @ 6:04 PM
DaneCook - I just realized how much I care when someone unfollows me and how hurtful it is when I do it to others. God damn it this life hurts.

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7/29 @ 3:51 PM
DaneCook - The show Botched on @Eonline has to be one of the greatest worst things ever.

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7/29 @ 3:14 PM
DaneCook - Being a single mom is not as difficult as being a single person in Los Angeles.

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7/29 @ 2:25 PM
DaneCook - TIE-me-up Fighter #StarWarsPorn

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7/29 @ 2:06 PM
DaneCook - Chewonmycockbacca #StarWarsPorn

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7/29 @ 2:04 PM
DaneCook - Boba Fettish #StarWarsPorn

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7/29 @ 2:01 PM
DaneCook - Luke Guybopper #StarWarsPorn

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7/29 @ 2:00 PM
DaneCook - Jabba the Slut #StarWarsPorn

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7/29 @ 1:56 PM
DaneCook - C-3P all Over me #StarWarsPorn

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7/29 @ 12:46 PM
DaneCook - I am the gold standard of safety.

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7/29 @ 2:15 AM
DaneCook - Had to lay down. I'm not just feeling so unprecedented.

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7/29 @ 12:38 AM
DaneCook - If you're 9 months pregnant you should not enter at Carolina Reaper eating contest.

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7/28 @ 11:49 PM
DaneCook - If you're a model you have to lose 10 pounds by Thursday.

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7/28 @ 11:32 PM
DaneCook - Relationships get better as you start to uncover each others true wants and needs.

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7/28 @ 10:47 PM
DaneCook - I'm on snapchat now user name: MyNameGoesHere - Will be on Instagram in 9 minutes @DaneCook and maybe hit another social network site later.

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7/28 @ 9:15 PM
DaneCook - You're having bad sex when you start wondering when and how you're going to die.

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7/28 @ 8:49 PM
DaneCook - I love stand up comedy. This is the greatest life. I've met almost all of my heroes and can't wait to get onstage tonight. #thankful

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7/28 @ 8:03 PM
DaneCook - “@ZacEfron: I'm excited and a little bit nervous. Thanks for watching! #RunningWIld” And thank you for viewing me on @NakedAndAfraid after!

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7/28 @ 7:36 PM
DaneCook - PLS special HUGE rock star surprise performance AND a couple other names that will cement THIS is the show not to miss this summer.

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7/28 @ 7:35 PM
DaneCook - Dane Cook & Friends: A Benefit For Pete Laugh Factory Hollywood July 31st-8pm Bill Burr, Jerrod Carmichael http://t.co/tAoIwpSXZ6 TIX NOW!

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7/28 @ 3:47 PM
DaneCook - If you crash your car while making a Vine video you need to be arrested for "just fucking dumb."

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7/28 @ 1:28 PM
DaneCook - I will climb the outside of the Eiffel Tower naked while listening to Muse "Survival." #JustPutItOutThere

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7/28 @ 3:20 AM
DaneCook - Just threatened to go all "Game of Thrones" on my neighbor if he didn't stop screaming outside. No idea what I meant but it sounded harsh.

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7/27 @ 10:38 PM
DaneCook - “@cliffyharv: @DaneCook move over Cruise, there's a new TopGun in town- Dusty Crophopper #Planes2 rocks! http://t.co/IM10mkgzwV” Awesome!

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7/27 @ 7:27 PM
DaneCook - Anyone want to want Anyone

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7/27 @ 7:26 PM
DaneCook - .@tonyrobbins I woke up w/ a desire to kidnap myself, hold me for ransom & demand an amount of money I don't have. Am I ok? What's it mean?

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7/27 @ 3:38 PM
DaneCook - .@tonyrobbins I woke up w/ a desire to kidnap myself, hold me for random & demand an amount of money I don't have. Am I ok? What's it mean?

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7/27 @ 3:25 PM
DaneCook - The universe is on your side when your gf is about to see a pic another girl txt you & a colossal coronal mass ejection disrupts the globe.

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7/26 @ 5:32 PM
DaneCook - Here at Comic Con with an exclusive 1st look at Batman v Superman! #wow #magic #sdcc http://t.co/XlQD3rkaRg

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7/26 @ 6:20 AM
DaneCook - Pool party 1994 style.

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7/25 @ 10:34 PM
DaneCook - I'm waiting at Stage 16 in Sweden for JJ Abrams to show me a ship for his reboot of Ice Pirates! Thx @bad_robot for making it happen. #SDCC

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