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danecook on Twitter

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http://www.twitter.com/danecook
9/30 @ 6:14 PM
DaneCook - I think if I inserted myself into the election race today I have a really good shot of getting the votes needed to come in second.

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9/30 @ 6:10 PM
DaneCook - I don't know any other way to say it so here goes. https://t.co/49ksXxISj3

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9/30 @ 2:32 PM
DaneCook - Someone need to make the movie Spiderboy asap & hire my buddy Petey Parker here. https://t.co/S8VZccJGKS

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9/29 @ 11:41 PM
DaneCook - Another pic from the https://t.co/FfnQrzQqPQ premiere last night with @mo_abhat richard_pollman & thats my… https://t.co/ucHsqbabLa

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9/29 @ 5:29 PM
DaneCook - Wonder Woman is bi which is both wonderful news for bisexual people as well as my descriptive fantasies since I was 15.

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9/29 @ 5:17 PM
DaneCook - #stopthat https://t.co/tH8QXDdHyJ

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9/29 @ 4:46 PM
DaneCook - "These violent delights have violent ends." - @WestworldHBO

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9/29 @ 4:18 PM
DaneCook - Matt Damon & Ben Affleck Fight Over Tom Brady's Friendship https://t.co/Fg9790inS5

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9/29 @ 1:38 PM
DaneCook - Last night with my friends Bryan Burk, richard_pollman @mo_abhat & jjabramsofficial at the… https://t.co/UoHOgBTt6d

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9/28 @ 8:00 PM
DaneCook - Biggest news today that I can not wait to share with you all. It's been a long haul riding the… https://t.co/JuXeK6GUKn

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9/28 @ 5:11 PM
DaneCook - I'm an equal opportunity ball buster but no bs we all have hearts that break, personal revelations that are beyond color, class or religion.

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9/28 @ 5:10 PM
DaneCook - I'm an equal opportunity ball buster but no bs we all have hearts that brea, personal revelations that are beyond color, class or religion.

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9/28 @ 3:08 PM
DaneCook - I'm have sexual OCD. I have to make her orgasm an even amount of times.

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9/28 @ 1:44 PM
DaneCook - It's all about them digital digits.

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9/27 @ 9:27 PM
DaneCook - I just got the greatest facial and I don't mean the kind where people jizz your face even though… https://t.co/5d0cOboQER

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9/27 @ 6:17 PM
DaneCook - You have made me the happiest man this side of the Hollywood Hills. https://t.co/syGMvfmjH8

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9/27 @ 6:05 PM
DaneCook - Few things: A: @Oddballfest this weekend is the last 3 dates of the festival. Get tix for Cali… https://t.co/yEoFmE6yd7

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9/27 @ 3:59 PM
DaneCook - Sex in the afternoon is like breakfast for dinner... it's such a rare treat!

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9/27 @ 2:41 PM
DaneCook - A great day just got greater! #Patriots #PatriotsNation #NewEnglandPatriots #NFL #footballl https://t.co/kgAMfzDqd9

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9/27 @ 2:21 PM
DaneCook - If you give it all towards hard work now during trying times just think of all the time for you later with success under your belt.

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9/27 @ 2:02 PM
DaneCook - I just saw a homeless man dumpster a pair of Steph Curry's and opt for just the duct tape wrapped around his feet. #totallymadeup

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9/27 @ 12:41 AM
DaneCook - One of the beautiful nights this year here in #LosAngeles. Sittin' on the porch appreciating the… https://t.co/3tYAfNj0iV

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9/27 @ 12:09 AM
DaneCook - I don't have stamina I have Stamosina! Thank you @JohnStamos #debatenight https://t.co/pNkGQKFwcH

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9/26 @ 11:55 PM
DaneCook - I know that I liked @HillaryClinton's red onesie more than the one @realDonaldTrump wore. #debatenight

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9/26 @ 11:24 PM
DaneCook - It's not my word but thanks for the credit. https://t.co/rjXzPtKssW

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9/26 @ 10:10 PM
DaneCook - Trump thinks all overweight people are hackers. #debatenight

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9/26 @ 8:42 PM
DaneCook - Charlie & Chopper https://t.co/IEtk44JcRo

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9/26 @ 8:17 PM
DaneCook - I was just masturbating and suddenly remembered where I left my sunglasses. They were on my head! Sometimes I'm so forgetful.

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9/26 @ 8:15 PM
DaneCook - I was just masturbating and suddenly remembered where I left my sunglasses. They were in on my head! Sometimes I'm so forgetful.

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9/26 @ 5:47 PM
DaneCook - This year has been seriously amazing. I made a list of things I've wanted to accomplish for… https://t.co/n8EfhKWJZ8

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9/26 @ 5:25 PM
DaneCook - Congrats! You're alive.

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9/26 @ 4:01 AM
DaneCook - Just watch this: https://t.co/Yg31Kf5E9Z

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9/25 @ 6:00 PM
DaneCook - I'm no scientist but the energy it takes to complain must be equal to doing something about it.

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9/25 @ 4:30 PM
DaneCook - Thank you #Texas for coming out to @Oddballfest this weekend. Houston, Dallas & Austin all… https://t.co/4VzB9lH4LE

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9/25 @ 9:41 AM
DaneCook - #thirstforknowledge @ Austin-Bergstrom International Airport https://t.co/WhDkxT9cfP

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9/25 @ 9:38 AM
DaneCook - I love webbing my fingers in between my toes and holding them above my head like a champion.

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9/25 @ 3:17 AM
DaneCook - Tonight in #Austin we played for thousands of comedy fans. What a fun tour here in Texas! Back… https://t.co/XSvzz9Euj3

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9/25 @ 12:36 AM
DaneCook - Austin is making me feel right at home!

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9/24 @ 6:32 PM
DaneCook - I'd love to visit Gettysburg but I don't know the address.

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9/24 @ 1:13 PM
DaneCook - Last nights @oddballfest show was killer but tonight it's Austins turn! Same deal as yesterday.… https://t.co/BSMFPvIgqz

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