danecook on Twitter

Back to Main...

http://www.twitter.com/danecook
4/18 @ 12:48 AM
DaneCook - "Who the fahk give care buddy. Be like a ball. You go higher des people essplode demselves." - Masada I just literally laughed my face off.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/17 @ 9:38 PM
DaneCook - Whenever you spot a moving van in your neighborhood there's always a wooden chair in the back that you never see when you visit the house.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/16 @ 11:24 PM
DaneCook - I wish there was a stay lost and not found.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/16 @ 8:01 PM
DaneCook - I was never a cutter but I was a stirrer.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/16 @ 5:33 PM
DaneCook - If all of your dreams came true? ALL OF THEM? That'd be a fuckin' hassle. Managing one dream is hard enough. But ALL of them?

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/16 @ 5:18 PM
DaneCook - Sometimes when I have sex I pull my own hair.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/16 @ 5:06 PM
DaneCook - I made a gift horse look into my mouth.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/16 @ 3:38 PM
DaneCook - Some people grow old gracelessly.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/16 @ 2:48 PM
DaneCook - If you do a tiny bit of what you love every day it grows. My career started off with one 5 minute set at a dark hole in the wall.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/16 @ 2:20 PM
DaneCook - 4-Year-Old Boy Honored With Touching Star Wars Funeral http://t.co/xJWYkUwUUK via @cinemablend May the force be with you Jack. Always.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/16 @ 1:36 PM
DaneCook - The term "nothing personal" means "this is 100% totally personal."

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/16 @ 3:18 AM
DaneCook - This is just incredible. Jeff Bauman: Thank you Boston! http://t.co/4K8zOKAo2O via @BostonHerald #BostonStrong

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/15 @ 10:23 PM
DaneCook - 30 minutes of #AskDane starting now. *please include the hashtag #AskDane or #AskDane

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/15 @ 9:49 PM
DaneCook - I wonder if Superman ever has to shit.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/15 @ 7:18 PM
DaneCook - I have not been sexually active since noon.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/15 @ 3:06 PM
DaneCook - #BostonStrong http://t.co/kXVF6nD2v9

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/15 @ 2:22 AM
DaneCook - #Bloodmoon sounds like an unreleased AC/DC album.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/14 @ 11:29 PM
DaneCook - Huge loss for the comedy world. @OttoAndGeorge - Truly funny.

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/14 @ 3:17 PM
DaneCook - 7 years ago today my pops passed away. George Cook was so old school that he actually saw it being… http://t.co/7Wqjc5n0n8

Retweet | Reply | Link

4/14 @ 1:47 PM
DaneCook - You know you over pray when you hear a booming voice from the sky say, "NO."

Retweet | Reply | Link


Next Page >>

 


Jump to: Art | Books | Classical | Comedy | Dance | Fashion | Movies | Music | Opera | TV

Subscribe for News & Specials