Student Blog: Meet My New Friend: the Present!

Celebrating yourself. It sounds like the goal of every girl at the beginning of every romcom (that or being so weird because of her oh-so-uncool glasses.) Whether you're a glasses girl or are already amazing at hyping yourself up, finding times to celebrate your wins is essential to continue on your path, especially if your path leads to the theater. I know first hand that if you choose a theater major, chances are you have worked your tail off to get there, both in college and in high school. I am a perfectionist when it comes to my academic and theater work, so I have been pushing myself hard for what feels like my whole life. If you are like me, you will understand when I say that every time I get the, struggled for, A, I get the big role, or I get the exciting yes, the question in my head is, ok yay but what next?

While this mindset can be helpful to prevent procrastination and such, it’s not the most helpful for building a positive relationship with your wins and it can make those inevitable losses cut deeper. I have never once celebrated my wins for more than a day and for some, this makes sense, but most successes deserve more time and appreciation. I wrote about my rough semester last winter and part of that difficulty came from being unable to enjoy my wins, whether big or small, because I was constantly trying to one up every win I achieved. My acting mentor now calls me out for it during my scenes because sometimes I am too busy thinking about my next line, movement, or emotion so that I don’t stay present with my scene partner(s). So I have decided that I need to build a friendship. The present and I are trying to become friends. It’s not an easy friendship to build, I’ll tell you that, but it’s what I’ve learned I need to do to cultivate, both in acting and life. 

So I’ve been practicing. I have made two rules for myself when I get a win, big or small: 1) tell at least two people about it and 2) don’t do anything even resembling a “next step” until at least 2 days after. Because I am my harshest critic, I have found that sharing my successes with those closest to me helps me appreciate them a bit more. Whether sharing my exciting new role with my hometown friend in our monthly FaceTimes or shooting my parents a text when I crush my midterm or even simply showing my roommates a successful pasta dinner, I am growing my friendship with living and appreciating my present instead of constantly looking to the future. When I get the results of the test or the audition, I try to stop my brain from instantly jumping into planning my next study sessions or beginning to learn my latest lines and just be excited for my win. 

It has been hard to let myself be happy with the wins I get in that moment because I have 19 years of experience doing the complete opposite (well maybe 17-18 years because I know I was a baby who definitely celebrated her wins, sorry mom and dad.) It’s a giant thing to try and overcome a habit seemingly ingrained in my system but I am doing it, moment by moment, win by win.

~ Natalie