Student Blog: The Next Five Years

I’m in a time of rediscovery and growth, which means everything kind of sucks but there is still hope. The summer is a time for ‘rebranding’ and refocusing, something I’ve realized I need to do. 

As I’ve entered the summer and gotten a sneak peek into what adulthood will truly be like, I've been thinking about what my ideal future would be. That age-old interview question I need to familiarize myself with as fall internships open up: where do you see yourself in five years? 

As I apply to fall internships, I find myself moving further and further away from theatrical opportunities on account of my fears about my financial situation. Unfortunately, wanting to pursue your dreams and have financial stability is an ambition too great to have in this world. As I learn more about myself as both a worker, artist, and person, I can confidently say that my life without creating art in some way, shape, or form is soulless. I find that I’m in a spot in my life where I want to redirect where my early career development has been aiming me. 

Career redirecting happens all of the time, and part of what I’m doing as a student and intern is learning and defining what it is I want to do. I don’t want to think about the current and very evil job market right now. I don’t want to think about the loans I’ll have to pay off in a year. Although it will be busy and I will be tired, I’d like my realistic future to be working a 9-5 Monday through Friday in some way related to theatre or the entertainment industry, with my evenings and weekends spent on making art. But until then, what can I do now to keep my creative spirit alive during what feels like a three-month-long burnout episode? How do I keep myself creative without it feeling like a chore? 

1. Video Editing 

Every now and then, I like to make little vlogs or get my hands into vlogging. This allows me the chance to work on skills like video editing. I’ve finally graduated from CapCut to iMovie. Here, it allows me the chance to put a narrative towards my everyday life and tell a story in a way I’m not always used to. It gives me a chance to work on a skill I’m not that comfortable with and actively reframe my days. Specifically, I’m following the storyline of ‘How Joli Got her Groove Back,” where I am forcing myself to find a way out of this episode of feeling terrible and hopeless. Finding new tactics and breaking out the self-help books everyone swears by. 

2. Writing 

I have two plays I’ve started and never finished. One is nearing two years old, the other is only a few months old. The problem with writing is that it often feels like a chore, especially with the standards I put on myself. Despite my writing being for myself (at least for right now), I still can’t help but think about things like, would this be marketable, would this be realistic, would people like this? With the videos and vlogs I film and post, I do so without much worry or stress because I know no one will see them, even if I do post it online. It gets lost in everything else, and something about that brings me comfort. But my writing, that no one will ever see until I decide they do, makes my brain turn. 

It’s hard too because my inspiration only really hits at 3 am when I need to wake up in four hours, but can’t sleep. So, how do I find the balance? Writing just for the sake of writing or writing only when inspiration strikes? 

Moving forward, I want to start writing at least one page every day. It doesn’t have to be for the storylines I have planned; it can simply be a one-page prompt based on something I saw. I saw a flower on the street. Write about that. It doesn’t have to necessarily be a story either. It can be an observation, an idea. I also want to have the chance to hand write more, keeping that motor skill active and giving my eyes their well-needed rest from the screen. Hopefully, after doing this, rather than being tired when I’m not working, I can instead have my brain churning out ideas so inspiration for my more long-term self-imposed writing projects will be more frequent. 

3. Self-Educating and Research

Something that’s been holding my mind captive is the fact that I really want to start assistant directing, yet I’m not finding a lot of opportunities. I’ve been working on my network and cold emails in that regard, but I did finish the directing classes my school has to offer. The next step is to live life and to start working. However, that doesn’t mean there aren’t other perspectives to entertain. I’m lucky to know some people whom I’ve been reaching out to, asking for advice, learning their career stories, and asking if there are any books or teachings they apply to their work. 

I’m a big advocate for libraries, so I intend to continue taking advantage of them. I’m aware that there is a point where the only thing left to do is apply what you’ve learned, but until then, I’m hungry. For knowledge and for opportunity. 

At the end of the day, I can’t predict what my next five years will look like. However, I hope the little things I do now to help me cope with the stressors of growing up and adjusting to all the many new realities will leave me better equipped to deal with what will come. I still have my dreams, the fantastical ones I escape into, and the more realistic ones I can work into making a reality. Despite the glamour projected across social media, being in your late teens and early 20s, where you are truly figuring out who you are as a person and where your life will lead to is no easy feat. 

It’s important to note that nothing is set in stone. Where you are now doesn’t determine where you will be in five years. A guest speaker at my internship said that if she were to write a book, it would be called ‘Nothing is Inevitable’. Although it pains the inner child in me who was raised with stories of chosen ones and great destinies, I’d like to believe that this is true. 

Things both in and out of your control will change. 

Nothing is inevitable. 

And that’s okay. 

AND RELAX! You have your whole life ahead of you, everything just feels so big, and you feel so small now. But you will look back a year from now and be like ‘wow, it really wasn’t that big of a deal.’ 

All that’s left is to take a breath. 

In…

And out…. 

And breathe. 

Signed, 

J.F