BWW Blog: Tired And In Tech Week
This tech week is a rough one. Now, I know that no tech is a walk in the park, but trying to manage a particularly rough spot with my own mental health and to be fully present and active as a member of a creative team doesn't make things any easier.
On Monday, I came home from rehearsal, ate a snack, watched some Netflix, and then around 3am, (it was a sleepless night if ever I've had one) I broke down sobbing. It had nothing to do with the show.
We had a few setbacks but tech is always like that. I have truly never been in or involved with any show without a Tech Week Disaster. The most jarring one I've ever had was when the day tech was supposed to start, we found out the space we were performing in was unavailable for rehearsals until 2 days before opening night. That was not awesome, but the show turned out great! This show's big issue isn't even worth going into because we solved the problem the same night it arose. It was taken care of, and here we are. That wasn't why I cried Monday night. That night I cried for no reason other than to release and recover from anxiety that I've been dealing with for awhile. By any and all means: if you feel like you might have to do that, DO THAT! I won't lie, it didn't solve all of my problems, but anxiety doesn't go away overnight. Letting myself feel my feelings kept me from totally boiling over. Basically, it helped, but I'm not out of the woods yet.
However, there are a few bright spots! I get to see my parents this weekend because they're coming to see the show, and I really miss them! My friends plan on coming too, so it'll be great to see what they think. Show weekends are really fun!! I enjoy being part of the process and it's exciting to see everyone's work come together.
I love doing this, I really do, but that doesn't necessarily mean I have to be thrilled all the time. For example, I have a habit of beating myself up for mistakes I make, especially in theatre, and I made mistakes this week. Tuesday, I ran from my car to the rehearsal space, only to realize when I got there that I had mixed up the times and I was an hour early. Monday, I got so caught up in making a note of something that I missed a run crew cue entirely and messed up a whole scene change. Mistakes aren't fun, but they happen, and I have learned from them.
We ran our cue to cue, we have our lights down, and the cast is absolutely wonderful. Am I stressed? Yes. Am I living on coffee and like 4 hours of sleep a night? Also yes. Despite all that, I'm getting by, and the show is going to be great! Until then, I just have to push through. 3 more days!!!