Student Blog: Treat Yourself Well

As actors, sometimes we can take our art too far. It can become too real and make us feel too much. I am no expert on this, nor do I have any mental or physical health credentials. Although, I am an actor who has gone through this and I thought I would share some things I have done to help. 

The first time I “went too hard” for a role is one in which I was told to cry in. It was a simple request, cry if you can - don’t cry if you can’t. I was 12-years-old and absolutely determined to cry and prove how great of an actress I was. I tried just to pretend to cry and hoped the tears would follow - but they didn’t. So, on to the next tactic. I watched sad videos to hopefully remember the feeling of crying and create it again, but this didn’t work either. Then, I tried putting peppermint extract in my eyes in hopes I could keep it backstage, but that didn’t even make me cry - it only stung. I sheepishly admitted to my director that I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t make myself cry, and she responded that if I laughed into my hands it would look like I was crying. No shame. Just a simple fix. So.. I didn’t need to go through all of that after all!

The next time I remember going too hard for a role was when I was playing Sophie in “Mamma Mia” and in the “Underattack” scene there was a part where I was thrown on the floor. This was blocked and made so that I did all the work of making myself fall - no one actually shoved me - just a light tap to let me know it was time to fall. Although, being me, I wanted it to be as realistic as possible, so I threw myself on the ground and my knees were completely purple by the end of the run. No one asked me to do that. It would have been just as effective if I had pretended to fall, yet there I was, staring at my unreasonably bruised kneecaps that ached terribly. 

The most recent time is when I was playing Eurydice in “Hadestown: Teen Edition”. The reason I was so drawn to this role was because of her emotional depth. As an actor, my favorite roles to play are ones that have an emotional story arc throughout the show, and Eurydice is exactly that. You see so many sides of her and I found all of them fascinating. In the early stages of the rehearsal process I started feeling really heavy while running through scenes. I was really confused by this, since rehearsing this show was my favorite thing in the world at this point, so why this heaviness? I then realized the way I was portraying some of the scenes for her felt identical to when I was in my depressed state a year and a half earlier. 

Oh. That’s why I felt so heavy. 

I do believe that it is essential while playing Eurydice to have parts of the storyline where she feels depressed and numb. Although, that doesn’t have to come from my experience with that. Really? I don’t think it ever should. 

Once I understood what was happening, I immediately sought after ways to fix this problem without jeopardizing what I wanted to do for this character. Here is what I found worked for me: 

First of all, during breaks - I talked to people. I allowed myself to really take a break. Not run over things for the next scene (although this is great, that is not what I needed in those moments). Instead I needed connection from those who were in that scene to see that they are not their characters and I am not mine, no matter how similar our emotions have been to them. At the end of the day, I am only a vessel for her story, I am not living her story. 

The next thing I did was no matter how late it was, I took a moment to watch a little bit of a show when I got home. Really allow myself to have a moment to myself and not just eat, sleep, rehearse and repeat. This was crucial for me. 

Additionally, immediately after a really hard scene, I hugged my friend. It grounded me, especially since he was in the hardest scene for me to do emotionally. This moment was just another “he is not his character, and neither am I” moment that I needed so badly. 

Another thing that helped me a ton is I was going to therapy and talked about my over connection to the character. Of course, I realize I am extremely privileged to be able to have gone and continue to go to therapy and that may not be the case for everyone, but if that is an option and you are willing and open to trying it, I do believe actors can benefit greatly from this. 

As for moments I was thrown down in Hadestown: Teen Edition just like in Mamma Mia - I bought knee pads for rehearsals so that I could learn how to safely make it look real while protecting myself if I made a mistake and went too hard. Did I look silly? Oh, one thousand percent. Were my knees flesh colored by the end of the show? I am happy to report they were. 

I ended up doing all of these things every day and it started feeling lighter - to the point where I probably could have gone without these things and been fine, but I kept doing them just to recenter myself  in case it would have started to feel that way again. By showtime, I was able to very easily maneuver myself from the depths of despair as Eurydice, to unbelievably joyous at intermission as myself just gleaming at how well it had been going thus far. 

Acting is an art that puts you through so much. Learning what takes you out of severe moments and feelings is crucial. You may not have it all figured out, and these may not work for you, but slowly you will figure out what does. Also, ask around if you need more tips! Tons of actors have tons of different ways to take themselves out of a moment and remove themselves from the character. And one last note? If you are thinking of putting peppermint extract in your eyes - just don’t!