BWW Blog: Embracing the Unknown in London - Featuring a Hapa Girl, Cappuccinos, & a Trip to Amsterdam

What happened before the pandemic seems like miles away already, and in fact, it was quite literally miles away from where I am. I was studying abroad for the first time in my life at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London. We had been there for a month and a half before being sent home, and though my time was short, I learned a lot, especially about myself.

Going abroad almost refreshed my mind, in a way that made me wake up every morning, look out the window and wonder what adventure I'd have today. It made me wonder what new thing I could eat or see or experience. It made me so grateful to sunny weather because of the dreary London weather that never seemed to end. It made me realize that just a few good friends are better than a whole group of pals. And, it made me realize that no one is in charge of my growth, but myself.

The growing pains when I first arrived were real. The completely new environment, with a completely new ensemble of mostly strangers caused me to readopt some old habits. I didn't take up quite as much space as the semester before. I missed my friends and community at NYU, NYC, and the freedom and empowerment I felt in the previous semester. Not to mention, the BIPOC community abroad was extremely minimal and it was not acknowledged at all, causing a sense of alienation at times.

But, I was growing, despite not feeling like I was. Through this period in my life, I realized that I was letting the fear of being outside my comfort zone affect me, and I was letting the discomfort of my surrounding community affect me, even though I went there for the exact purpose of pushing myself out of my comfort zone. When I realized this, I began to lean more into that fear, accepting it, but not allowing it to dampen my craft. I began to realize that the only person who will push me, is me. Once I realized this, I began to approach classes and experiences with more bravery.

About a week before we were sent home on March 13th, I went on a trip to Amsterdam with my roommate that we planned on our own ( which isn't something I have done before). It's almost funny to think about, because we were freaked out about COVID even then, stressing even though there were only 2 cases in Amsterdam when we arrived. I'm so glad I had the chance to at least go to this beautiful place with my amazing roommate before everything happened. And though we missed our train because I had caused us to be on the wrong platform (I'm terrible with directions), and we were tired from no sleep, and we shared a bathroom with other people at the hotel, it was exhilarating. To wake up at 3am and eat a hearty English breakfast at the airport, to be at those picturesque canals, to eat all those mini pancakes, to see Anne Frank's annex and cry, to see the Red Light District, to be awestruck by Van Gogh's artwork... And then to go back to London, refreshed and excited for what else is to come.

In London, my roommate and I went on our own mini adventures to Chinatown for food where we filled our grocery baskets with all the Asian comfort food we could find. We went to Covent Garden, and stumbled upon the cutest little French cafe, and had cappuccinos and sandwiches. We went to Oxford, running from one place to the next, so we could gaze in awe at the beautiful castle-like interiors and exteriors where they filmed Harry Potter. We went to a cafe where they claimed to have "Oxford's Best Cappuccino" and the waiter looked exactly like Ronald Weasley.

I also learned to love solitude again. Much like I had learned to love independence in NYC. Going to coffee shops alone to do work, and peacefully savoring a pastry (preferably a scone) with iced coffee, were just some of my favorite moments in London.

And I grew. I have grown.

When I returned to America, I was relieved to be home, though sad that my Spring Break and Shakespearean training was cut short. But being home, and being able to reflect on all that I learned, and remind myself of what I have learned from past semesters too, only allowed me to continue my growth.

Growth isn't just one arrow pointing up. It's going up, then slightly down, then up, then down, then really high. And I think I've really begun to learn this... Especially now, when it's harder than ever to create art, it can be hard to know your own progress. But wherever you are, whatever you're doing now, even if it feels like you're not growing at all in your life, know that you are, you just don't know it yet.