Student Blog: Every Time I Thought Theater Wasn’t for Me, It Proved Me Wrong

There have been many moments throughout my time in theater where I felt disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy. Moments when auditions didn’t go the way I wanted them to, when I questioned whether this was the right path for me, or when I wondered where the joy I once found in theater had gone. What I didn’t know then and what I’m still learning now is that some of the lowest and most discouraging moments in my theater career were followed closely by incredible opportunities waiting just around the corner, opportunities that shaped me into the artist I am today. Looking back, three examples of this happening stand out most: one in middle school, one in high school, and one in college.

When I was in sixth grade, I auditioned for Peter Pan Jr and wanted to be Wendy more than anything. Instead, I was cast as her mother and a pirate. I was devastated. Still, I made the best out of the situation and ended up having an incredible experience. I decided I would be the best Mrs. Darling/Pirate ever, ended up making friends I still have today, and genuinely enjoyed the process. Soon after, the theater announced that they would be doing Mary Poppins as their next show. Because I had loved doing Peter Pan, I eagerly auditioned for Mary Poppins, and this time I was cast as Mary Poppins. I didn’t realize it then, but this kind of pattern would repeat itself many times.

A similar thing happened during my sophomore year of high school when my school announced it was doing Newsies. I had my heart set on playing Katherine. She felt like the perfect role for me, and everyone told me I was going to get it. But I didn’t. I was cast as Albert, one of the newsies. Once again, I was crushed. Crushed to the point of having to be picked up from school early because I could not stop crying in the bathroom. I started doubting myself and my talent. If I couldn’t land a lead in my high school, what business did I have thinking this was a feasible career path? Despite these doubts, I had an amazing time as a newsie. I was able to showcase my dance training in a way I rarely got to, even though I still felt disappointed about Katherine. The following year, my school announced it was doing Funny Girl. I immediately counted myself out of the running for Fanny Brice because it was so out of my normal typecast. But I auditioned anyway, received an unexpected callback, and was ultimately cast as Fanny. That role solidified my desire to pursue musical theater in college and pushed me so far out of my comfort zone that now I feel capable of taking on anything.

The most recent version of this experience happened this past year. Going into the fall of my sophomore year of college, I hadn’t been cast in any shows. I had just come off a very successful summer season where I was in two different professional productions. While Otterbein offers an incredible amount of opportunities for students who haven't been cast in mainstage productions, I hadn’t been cast in any of those student-directed shows either, which really threw me. Once again, I began spiraling with self-doubt. Was this the right path for me? If I couldn’t even book shows at school, how am I ever going to do this professionally? (Even though I had just spent the past summer doing it professionally.) Still, I worked relentlessly in my classes and prepared intensely for this semester’s auditions. Now, I am playing Cinderella in our mainstage spring musical.

Looking back at all of these moments, I see one common theme, and it is perseverance. I didn’t drop out of shows or develop a bad attitude. I showed up for myself and my fellow castmates and made the most out of situations that were not ideal. In doing so, those moments led to opportunities that were more than ideal. Even though hardship and failure may show up in different forms, I’ve proven to myself over the years that I have all of the tools to get through them. And every time, I’ve emerged on the other side, greeted by new opportunities that I never saw coming.