Etiquette of seat-taking...?

[Armie3]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 8:06am

People are awful, this we know, but I have some questions...

 

Are patrons expected to stand to let others take their seat? Or will a slight shifting of the legs suffice?

If you have an aisle seat, should you wait until the row fills up before sitting down?

If you are in a group, should you wait until you are all together to take your seats at the same time?

If you have not checked your coat, is it permissible to hang it on the back of your chair?

Can couples put their arms around each other or lean their heads on each other's shoulders?

When people stand to let you pass as you make your way through the row, is a "thank you" due? If so, to each person or just a general smile and nod as you go by?

Likewise, if a person passes you without acknowledging your effort to make way, is this rude?

Should people check all bags or is that a personal choice?

 

Please answer any or all of these questions, I would love to hear your thoughts! Thanks.

[kdogg36]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 8:32am

Armie3 said: Are patrons expected to stand to let others take their seat? Or will a slight shifting of the legs suffice?

I always stand, and I think most people should, but there probably is a small minority of people who are petite enough to allow others to pass without standing.

If you have an aisle seat, should you wait until the row fills up before sitting down?

This seems like a matter of convenience for the person in the aisle seat. If that person is willing to stand up repeatedly, I don't think sitting is a problem, and I always have done that.

If you are in a group, should you wait until you are all together to take your seats at the same time?

I'd prefer that they did, but I don't think it's a big deal either way.

If you have not checked your coat, is it permissible to hang it on the back of your chair?

I'd strongly discourage this, as it encroaches to some extent on the limited space of the patron behind you.

Can couples put their arms around each other or lean their heads on each other's shoulders?

I think the main thing here is not to move about too much during the performance. Obviously most of us will feel the need to shift during a show, but the really annoying thing is when the people in front are moving their heads and torsos frequently, forcing you to react so that they don't block your view.

When people stand to let you pass as you make your way through the row, is a "thank you" due? If so, to each person or just a general smile and nod as you go by?

I think a smile and nod is good. As long as the person is on time, this is just what's expected, not a favor done by seatmates, so I don't think a full exchange of "thank you/you're welcome" is required.

Likewise, if a person passes you without acknowledging your effort to make way, is this rude?

I don't think so, for the reason given above. As long as they're on time. :)

Should people check all bags or is that a personal choice?

I don't check my small backpack, which fits easily under my seat (or on my lap). That seems like a fair guideline to me.

I like to think I'm a polite seatmate, but I realize my answers inevitably reflect a tolerance for things I do and less so for things I don't do. I'm interested in what other people have to say. I think this was a good idea for a thread.

 

Updated On: 10/8/18 at 08:32 AM

[kdogg36]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 8:32am

[duplicate]

Updated On: 10/8/18 at 08:32 AM

[carolinaguy]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 9:01am

I always select an aisle seat and choose to wait until curtain time to sit down, just for my own convenience. But it's also one fewer person for others to crawl over to get into the aisle.

I generally find that coats are best folded and placed under your seat. Definitely not draped over the back into the aisle behind you. Even putting it in your own seat, sometimes the sleeves, etc. hang over onto a neighboring armrest.

Updated On: 10/8/18 at 09:01 AM

[ArtMan]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 9:19am

I always stand for males or females regardless of where I am sitting in the row.  I have found that courtesy is not extended by either sex.  Most don't even shift their legs to get by.  At a show last year, two guys just sat while I tried to get by.  There was limited space and I am tall.  My butt was inches from their face. I was sorry I hadn't ate beans earlier.  But that's what they get for being rude. Also to add to your list.  Women, if you have purses and purses with long straps, put them in your laps when someone is trying to get by.  At Carousel, not only did the woman and man not get up or shift, the woman left her purse with an extremely long strap on the floor.  My foot got entangled in the strap and I almost fell.  I gave her an ESAD look.

Updated On: 10/8/18 at 09:19 AM

[rayoflight104]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 9:27am

if i'm in the middle of the row -i stand and let the seat fold - then sit down on the edge of the seat and wait for people to pass. so i'm standing - but stand/sitting on my seat - so that it allows for more room to pass. sometimes a slight shift to the side to allow people even more room.
the theatre is like going to the movies or a sporting event these days with people coming and going like they went to get a hotdog,then a soda, then pringles chips, coming in late etc... it's a bummer.

[quizking101]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 9:41am

All of these answers are coming from a theatregoer who is 6'8 and 300+ (evenly distributed) pounds:

Are patrons expected to stand to let others take their seat? Or will a slight shifting of the legs suffice?

Considering most theatres do not have enough room in the row for two people to occupy the space at the same time, it's smarter to stand and shrink yourself as best you can. If you see me coming and you decide to only shift your legs, it is your own damn fault if I step on your foot/injure you.

If you have an aisle seat, should you wait until the row fills up before sitting down?

I usually try to do this, but mostly because I also want to minimize the amount of time I'm in a cramped space (not all aisle seats are the same).

If you are in a group, should you wait until you are all together to take your seats at the same time?

God yes. Unless you and your group have a whole row to yourself, you should try to consolidate the number of times you inconvenience the other patrons in the row by making them sit and stand so you can enter the row.

If you have not checked your coat, is it permissible to hang it on the back of your chair?

Uh, no. If your coat/jacket cannot fit in your lap or under your seat, check it, because then you take away the already small leg room of the patron behind you.

Can couples put their arms around each other or lean their heads on each other's shoulders?

First Question: Don't recommend it, unless your arm lands below the top of the seat. You can hold hands instead. Second Question: I don't see a problem with this, as it doesn't really create more of an obstruction.

When people stand to let you pass as you make your way through the row, is a "thank you" due? If so, to each person or just a general smile and nod as you go by?

A thank you is always appreciated, but at least an acknowledgement (smile/nod) is required. That's basic manners, 

Likewise, if a person passes you without acknowledging your effort to make way, is this rude?

Yes. Yes. Yes. 

Should people check all bags or is that a personal choice?

It very much depends on the bags. Again, I follow the "fit under the seat" rule. Usually, I have my drawstring backpack and the bag that contains the poster I buy, and that's okay for me. If you have very large shopping bags or backpacks, they need to be checked.

[Armie3]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 9:43am

Thanks all. 

Who has claim over the shared arm-rest? First come, first served?

[Br0adway]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 10:17am

Unless you have a group of people, your seat that you paid for is your space. And that space doesn’t slowly work it’s way into the seats next to you.

Let’s talk about the cost issue. We saw Hamilton in January. It was cold and we all had coats. Now coming from Philly, I get the folding the coat on your lap and keeping it there. However, the family from Hawaii didn’t understand that. The adult woman next to me (and she had to be in her 50s) her coat on my lap half the show. I don’t know how many times I moved it off my lap or said to her don’t put your coat on me. Did she care? No. Your seat is your space and that’s it’s. Unless the seat next to you is empty then fine. But if there is a body in the seat next to you, don’t use their limited space for your coat.

Also yes arm rest is first come first serve. Claim that armrest space before the person next to you does!

[Armie3]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 10:35am

What if the person only gave up the arm rest by standing to let you in?

Another finer point...

How do you know if the person occupying the aisle seat is going to stand or not? Approach and smile...I guess if they don't stand up right away, chances are they're not going to? 

[BalconyClub]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 10:45am

I will always stand to let others pass.

My one irritation - which quickly dissipates - is when a patron with seats in a crowded row ahead or behind will use my near empty row to gain access to their seat.

[SomethingPeculiar]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 11:25am

Are patrons expected to stand to let others take their seat? Or will a slight shifting of the legs suffice?
If the show hasn't started yet, I feel it's my obligation to stand and let people pass (especially if I'm on an aisle). Most of the time, others will do the same. I usually arrive early, so I'm used to standing to let people pass, and I'm fine with that BEFORE the show. Once the lights go down, I have no obligation to stand, no matter what the leg room situation is.


If you have not checked your coat, is it permissible to hang it on the back of your chair? Should people check all bags or is that a personal choice?
Do not let it spill into anyone else's "seat bubble." Put your coat directly behind your back and your bag between your legs or under your seat.
 

Who has claim over the shared arm-rest? First come, first served?
That's a battle between you and your seat-mate. Nobody's arms should be on BOTH armrests and no elbow should venture beyond the armrest!


Most of this is all common sense, spacial awareness, and courtesy.

[dearalanaaaa]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 12:59pm

Answers from a teenager born and raised in New York, 5'11 and thin

Armie3 said: "
Are patrons expected to stand to let others take their seat? Or will a slight shifting of the legs suffice?
stand before the lights go down, after rotate legs. If you are both thin you may be able to slide being seated, or ask to wait if you are busy.


If you have an aisle seat, should you wait until the row fills up before sitting down?
Yes, otherwise you will be squatting several times. Wait on the outskirts or in SRO and watch your seat.


If you are in a group, should you wait until you are all together to take your seats at the same time?
Yes, but groups should get aisle seats so they are not distracting. Couples can slide.


If you have not checked your coat, is it permissible to hang it on the back of your chair?

Wear it or fold it into your lap and under the seat.

Can couples put their arms around each other or lean their heads on each other's shoulders?
Please no PDA. As a kid, it makes me really uncomfortable and I may even ask you to knock it off. High five or finger gun, no kisses, no hugs, no hickeys during the show. 


When people stand to let you pass as you make your way through the row, is a "thank you" due? If so, to each person or just a general smile and nod as you go by?

Smile and nod. If they are very sweet, thank you.

Likewise, if a person passes you without acknowledging your effort to make way, is this rude?
No, they're probably just a New York/Jersey person who is at shows all the time.


Should people check all bags or is that a personal choice?

i never check bags, bring a small backpack or wallet (gender).

Please answer any or all of these questions, I would love to hear your thoughts! Thanks."

for the arm rest, keep your arms in your lap and sit tall. It'll be hard to see the show otherwise

[Phantom4ever]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 3:10pm

Are patrons expected to stand to let others take their seat? Or will a slight shifting of the legs suffice?

Unless you are especially tiny and we could easily move past you, you should stand up to let others in. 

If you have an aisle seat, should you wait until the row fills up before sitting down?

No reason for this, but also, don't get annoyed if you have to get up every 30 seconds between 7:45 to 8pm. When I was seeing Fun Home, I was on the aisle and I stood up to let a woman in who then paused right before she stepped in the row to check her messages. I finally said "we're waiting here" and she said "wow you must be having just an awful day to be so rude" and I said "I just wanted to know if you're coming in the row or not"  And then  she made me the Enemy of the Row for rest of the show lol. 

If you are in a group, should you wait until you are all together to take your seats at the same time?

That is more of an irritation at intermission, when one person in a group leaves to get snacks, and then 2 minutes later somebody else decides to join, then somebody comes back with the snacks, then someone else decides to go to the restroom.......

If you have not checked your coat, is it permissible to hang it on the back of your chair?

This is rude because the seat behind you is not part of your space. That being said, people frequently put their coats on their seatback and onto my lap.  Whenever they do, I start to pet their coat, comment on the label, ask my friends to touch the material, I cuddle with it, etc.  It's fun. 

Can couples put their arms around each other or lean their heads on each other's shoulders?

This interferes with sightlines. 

When people stand to let you pass as you make your way through the row, is a "thank you" due? If so, to each person or just a general smile and nod as you go by?

Say thank you. People appreciate a thank you, especially in New York City. 

Likewise, if a person passes you without acknowledging your effort to make way, is this rude?

yes it is

Should people check all bags or is that a personal choice?

If you can keep it to within your space, sure, hold onto it, but if not, check it. There was one time when I had been shopping before a show and I had this loud crinkly plastic bag that somehow managed to make a noise every time I inhaled and exhaled (not exaggerating) and it drove everyone around me crazy so I should have checked that. 

[PatrickDC]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 3:41pm

I miss the days when these questions weren't questions. So many people today have poor interpersonal and human interaction skills, such as people who just slowly edge up to you without saying any type of "Pardon me" or "Excuse me" but just expect you to move by their silent movement. Couple this with a first-time theater goer and I'm just amazed how introverted some people are, particularly young people. 

I was at a performance just yesterday and two people just stood in aisle looking down the row at their seats, not making eye contact with me or asking to get by. I asked, "Are you in this row?" to which the young man very slightly nodded. Would it hurt you to be more interactive with a fellow patron? 

Please don't read too much into this. I'm not some snooty Emily Post type. Every human is different, I get it. But there was a time when we learned common courtesies and etiquette and the "rules" were known and accepted by all. 

[uncageg]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 4:05pm

^^^THIS!

[Broadway Joe]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 6:32pm

I can't imagine not standing to let people past me simply because there isn't a lot of leg room to begin with at these theatres.

[GavestonPS]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 9:49pm

Broadway Joe said: "I can't imagine not standing to let people past me simply because there isn't a lot of leg room to begin with at these theatres."

I'm on the other coast where a lot of theaters have continental seating. There's more room between rows than your average, older Broadway house.

Nonetheless, I'm 6'3" and try to stand for passers-by, but I have my coat neatly folded in my lap and my program open because I am reading it. Depending on the speed of the passerby, I may or may not have time to stand. (The taller one is, the lower the seat relative to one's center of gravity.) So sometimes I have to settle for tucking my large feet as far back under my seat as I can and shoving my knees hard to one side.

I think it's possible to timeshare an armrest or even for two to use it simultaneously if both are careful.

C'est la vie! Aussi la guerre...

[kdogg36]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 10:00pm

Phantom4ever said: "This is rude because the seat behind you is not part of your space. That being said, people frequently put their coats on their seatback and onto my lap. Whenever they do, I start to pet their coat, comment on the label, ask my friends to touch the material, I cuddle with it, etc. It's fun."

Fun fact: when I saw Catch Me If You Can, Jane Seymour sat in front of me and hung her coat on the back of her seat. It was the softest thing I’ve ever felt in my whole life. 

[VintageSnarker]

Posted: 10/8/18 at 11:41pm

Armie3 said: "People are awful, this we know, but I have some questions...

Are patrons expected to stand to let others take their seat? Or will a slight shifting of the legs suffice?

No one is expected to do anything. I don't mind if there's enough space for me to pass but it's less polite and it's rude if there's clearly not enough space and you're passive-aggressively forcing me to climb over you so you can think that I'm rude for doing so. You don't own the aisle just because you got there earlier than I did. 

If you have an aisle seat, should you wait until the row fills up before sitting down?
No, you'd probably be blocking something by standing. But just be prepared to get up a bunch of times. 

If you have not checked your coat, is it permissible to hang it on the back of your chair?

Again, you can do whatever you want but yeah, it's rude. Especially when people have big coats in the winter. I tuck mine up into a pillow and sit on/lean against it during the show. 

Can couples put their arms around each other or lean their heads on each other's shoulders?

A little is fine (like if you're moved during a romantic moment) but seats are staggered for a reason. Depending on the seating configuration you may have just created a giant blob that blocks the view of the person behind you. And they also paid for a ticket. I had a date who held my hand on and off during a show. There are ways of being close without negatively impacting other audience members. I don't understand couples who feel the need to show off for other people.

Should people check all bags or is that a personal choice?

I hope not. Even if it's a free service, it's a hassle. I think you're fine as long as you're not bringing a giant bag with you.
 

As for arm rests, yes, if someone already claimed it, do not try to fight them for it and push them off. I have had this happen multiple times. Best case scenario, without exchanging words you can find a way to take turns (if I left for intermission and you claimed the armrest while I was gone, I'll let you have it) or share it (one person sits farther forward, the other sits further back. I have found that like manspreading, fighting for the armrest is a bigger issue with men. I also agree with claiming only one armrest. 

[Lot666]

Posted: 10/9/18 at 12:04pm

PatrickDC said: "I miss the days when these questions weren't questions. So many people today have poor interpersonal and human interaction skills, such as people who just slowly edge up to you without saying any type of "Pardon me" or "Excuse me" but just expect you to move by their silent movement. Couple this with a first-time theater goer and I'm just amazed how introverted some people are, particularly young people.

I was at a performance just yesterday and two people just stood in aisle looking down the row at their seats, not making eye contact with me or asking to get by. I asked, "Are you in this row?" to which the young man very slightly nodded. Would it hurt you to be more interactive with a fellow patron?

Please don't read too much into this. I'm not some snooty Emily Post type. Every human is different, I get it. But there was a time when we learned common courtesies and etiquette and the "rules" were known and accepted by all."

[dramamama611]

Posted: 10/9/18 at 1:28pm

This has me wonder just how many people ARE actually raised by wolves.  It must be an impressive number.

[Xman8]

Posted: 10/9/18 at 3:54pm

Armie3 said: "People are awful, this we know, but I have some questions...



Are patrons expected to stand to let others take their seat? Or will a slight shifting of the legs suffice?
 

It's courtesy to stand up and let others take their seats unless there is enough space to do that leg shuffle.


If you have an aisle seat, should you wait until the row fills up before sitting down?
 

I normally stand until the row is filled up, normally I would make sure I'm not in the middle of anyone's way. However, should the rare occurrence of an aisle seat with a big gap under the armrest present itself, I sit sideways so I don't block the aisle and my row.


If you are in a group, should you wait until you are all together to take your seats at the same time?

If I were in a big group I would wait until we are all together and sit down. That way it wouldn't be a big inconvenience for the row.



If you have not checked your coat, is it permissible to hang it on the back of your chair?

Nope, encroaching your backdoor neighbor's space.


Can couples put their arms around each other or lean their heads on each other's shoulders?

Sure! Even the leaning of the head would be appreciated by the backdoor neighbor. Clear view!

When people stand to let you pass as you make your way through the row, is a "thank you" due? If so, to each person or just a general smile and nod as you go by?

Definitely. We got to be polite. Acknowledgement goes a long way.

Likewise, if a person passes you without acknowledging your effort to make way, is this rude?

Yep. Courtesy speaks volumes.

Should people check all bags or is that a personal choice?

 

Personal choice mi amigo. Unless its a ridiculously big bag then I would check it.



Please answer any or all of these questions, I would love to hear your thoughts! Thanks."

 

Updated On: 10/9/18 at 03:54 PM

[JudyDenmark]

Posted: 10/10/18 at 12:14pm

I think hanging a coat on the back of a seat is the most egregious no-no of these (likewise, keeping it on your lap but letting the sleeves fall into the laps of the people to the right and left of you)... but in terms of having to shuffle into a row, nothing really bothers me unless someone's going out of their way to be a jerk. I always stand in my place with the seat up to let people pass, but as a 5'4" woman will sometimes just move my knees to the side if the person trying to pass is also small. I think a smile and nod is nice, but I wouldn't be offended if someone didn't - having to slither through a row to take your seat is just part of going to the theatre. 

Either way, this stuff doesn't come close to the etiquette breaches that really bother me. If we could get people to stop chomping loudly on food and talking during a show, I'd throw a parade.