Student Blog: Who Would've Thought Going to College Means Going Back To School?

My Dearest Blog,

I have absolutely no clue as to why I didn’t draw the connection that going to college meant going back to school.

Hello! Good morning, afternoon, and evening, my name is E.J Kovacs-Morgan, and I’m currently in the Acting B.F.A program at the University of Southern California, and yes, obviously, I knew college meant going to school. Yet it seemed I forgotten that through the whirlwind that was welcome week, moving in, missing home every five minutes only to love being at college the next five, going to school-sponsored events, meeting people, asking them the big-three-hot-ticket questions of the month: “What’s your name? Where’re you from? What’s your major?” and of course, the hidden fourth question that was only asked if the rocket-science-geometric-engineering major matched your acting major vibe: “What’s your Instagram? We should be friends!” Only to watch them disappear into the foreboding school of smart-chemistry-science-and-math, where they’re assigned so much calculus you’ll never hear from them again! 

My schedule, not involving calculus, is as follows. On Mondays, I have Movement 1 from 8:00 am to 9:50 am, followed by my elective course, Theatre in Los Angeles, from 2:00 pm to 3:50 pm. On Tuesdays, I have Acting 1 from 9:00 am to 10:50 am, Text Studies for Production from 12:00 pm to 1:50 pm, and then my general education course, Happiness and the Human Condition, from 2:00 pm to 3:50 pm. On Wednesdays, I have my 8 am Movement course followed by a Movement Lab from 2-3:50 pm. Thursdays are the same as Tuesdays. On Fridays, I only have an Acting Lab from 10 am to 11:50 am, in which we explore the principles of clowning. Some requirements of the B.F.A Acting program are that an individual must wear actor blacks to all of their studio classes. For me, that would be any class that isn’t Text Studies, Theatre in Los Angeles, and Happiness…, however, because of the construction of a B.F.A major's schedule, I often find myself too tired to go back and change, and I end up wearing all black all day. Punctuality is also very important, which, like, duh. For every two tardies, a B.F.A major will be given an absence. 

My schedule involves a morning class every day, 8 am on Monday and Wednesday, 9 am on Tuesday and Thursday, and 10 am on Fridays. It seemed a relatively easy feat for someone who, for the past four years, would wake up at 6:00 am every day, then would drive 45 minutes to my performing arts high school, where I would have dance as my first class. Well, boy, was I wrong. It is not easy, and the B.F.A program does not mess around with its discipline! It was Monday of the second week of school, I had silenced my third alarm of the morning when I rushed to get ready at 7:10, to get breakfast at 7:30, then walk across campus to get to class at 7:50, and be ready for my movement class at 8. In class, we proceeded to run for 10 minutes, and then explore our bodies in different ways through stretching, connecting, and ultimately in crab crawling, an exercise that was a lot harder than I remembered it to be. I was on the floor, sweating and sighing, when I thought to myself, my God, this is what I’m paying for? It was a desperate thought born from the realization that it wasn’t even 9:00, and here I am at one of the most expensive universities, crab crawling! However, before I could even digest the thought, another voice came over me, My God! This is what I’m paying for! A brave thought commanding myself to get it together and remember why I am here.

Just as a person may contract after coming ill with Covid, I had harbored a lingering case of Senoritis. A rather debilitating infection usually develops towards the middle-end of an individual's senior year of high school. But what they don’t tell you is that unless you do something about it, it will follow you. The habits of work ethic, motivation, and passion don’t just magically come back because the fatigue of senior year has bid farewell. It must be a conscious effort to rebuild what you previously had, and I was not aware of this going into college. That’s what I meant when I wrote I didn’t realize school was going to be school. I didn’t realize I had to regain what it meant to be a student. Since then, I’ve conducted a study for myself, which I’ve titled “The Great Lock-In.” Here is what I’ve found to work for me;

THE GREAT LOCK-IN!!!

1. Work on attention span!
   1. I love my TikTok more than the next guy, but I’ve found more enjoyment in reading a book! I know, I know, it sounds like an ancient thought, but believe me when I say I had to fight myself to go to the bookstore and buy one. However, I noticed that when I read something I’m interested in, something like a history book, or psychology, areas of interest I have beyond my major, I feel like I’m satiating the academic within me, I feel my knowledge expanding, however true that may be, I can’t tell you. In addition, each chunk of the book that I read makes me feel accomplished. Slowly, I’ve felt my attention span healing. There have been times when I’ve traded TikTok for a good movie, sometimes going so far as to lock my phone away so I have no choice but to focus on the movie.
   2. Whenever I must focus on work, I use an app called Forest to help me. It starts a timer and grows a tree while you do your work; the tree will revert the more you pick up your phone. In an hour, you have two trees, and the best part is that once you save up enough coins within the app, you can spend them on planting a tree in real life!

2. Treat yourself like the amazing person you are!
   1. You are worthy and deserving of so much. This means you have to respect yourself as such. I’ve made a promise to myself not to put myself in situations I don’t want to be in. For example, as someone who goes to sleep at 10-11:30, going out to late-night functions is very foreign to me, so when I’ve gone out with friends and I’ve felt tired, I allow myself to go home and sleep. My friends will be there next time, there will be other parties and gatherings, this is a four-year endeavor, so trust that you will have fun!
   2. Unfortunately, this also means the hard and boring stuff like eating somewhat healthy, getting exercise in, and staying hydrated. I’ve tried, and am currently succeeding, after numerous failed attempts, to drink at least a gallon of water a day, eat relatively healthy, somebody's got to eat the dining hall french fries, and get exercise in, whether it be a walk outside or weights in the gym.

3. Get Thee A Project!
   1. By finding something you care about, you allow your inner you to be excited, thus connecting to yourself on a deeper level. Freshman B.F.A majors are not allowed to do mainstage productions for the first semester, so with this free time, I’ve committed myself to various projects. 
   2. These include; keeping a journal of everything that makes me happy, so I can look back on it when I’m sad and find things I enjoy, keeping a journal for curiosity, whenever I ask myself a question, such as, “how do they measure how long it takes to cross a street?”, I will write that question in my journal and continue to research it until I find an answer, by doing this I’m listening to my natural impulse and respecting myself enough to follow through on it. I am also a playwright, and because I am not currently taking a playwriting class, I am doing everything I can to continue writing. I just finished Act 1 of the new play, yay! And of course, there’s the Duolingo French and Spanish course, and may I just say, Oui, c’est ci bon!

4. Practice gratitude.
   1. Try to list at least 5 things you’re grateful for every day.
   2. Remember that it is a privilege to be studying what you love. To be studying at all! Go you!

5. Lastly, trust. Trust. Trust. Trust!
   1. You must trust that you are on the right path. That you will see improvement. That you have done your work. You are enough. You are worthy. You are loved. You are supported. You are here for a reason. You must trust all of this and more.
   2. Affirmations help with this a lot. The affirmations I have above my desk as I’m writing this blog are: “Above all else, love!”, “Day by day, moment by moment,” “Lock tf in.”, “Remember why you are here!”, “Positive thoughts -> Positive feelings -> Positive actions!”, “I am worthy of steady love and I am ok with uncertainty,” and lastly, “Overthinking about getting a false sense of control.” So, do with that information what you will!

Thank you for joining me on this journey! And for reading till the end. I can’t wait to see what unfolds ahead of us. Just remember, in the wise words of Stephen Sondheim, you are not alone. There are thousands of us going through the same thing, and they are all around you, and me, and we. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and if no one’s lending a hand, you’re asking the wrong people. Slow down, have fun, live fully. Have an amazing day, afternoon, and night wherever you are!

Sincerely,

Your friend,

E.J Kovacs-Morgan