Student Blog: The Wrong Kind of Hand Shake

A very common way to show nerves is to shake. Whether that be in your voice, your hand, or even your eyes, something often literally shakes with nerves. For me, it’s my hands. The biggest hit to my confidence in an audition room is to see that my hands are shaking when the rest of me is as cool as ice. It’s like nerves are forming that I didn’t even know I had. It was a huge insecurity all throughout high school theater. I genuinely think I lost roles over this, not because the casting team noticed, but because of what happened to me once I noticed they were shaking. I could be absolutely killing my audition song, then go to dramatically stick my hand out just to see that it’s shaking, and boom, there goes my confidence. I thought I was the only person who did this and that it was so unprofessional of me to be scared and for it to show up in a physical way. I have come to learn that that is absolutely not true, so I’m here to maybe help soothe your nerves, or, if not, give you peace of mind.

I have gone to many Broadway shows. I mean, A LOT of Broadway shows, and I always thought that the actors on the stage were these untouchable figures that I was so far removed from. While Broadway actors are still legends in my mind, I have come to learn that I have much more in common with them than I originally thought. I was at a show a couple of weeks ago, and I was sitting in the front row. The understudy (who was absolutely amazing) was on for the lead, and although he had done the role many times, you could tell he was a little nervous. He stuck his hand out in the classic, dramatic theater kid way, and there it was. His hand was shaking. I couldn’t believe it. Professional Broadway actors still have their hands shaking out of nerves?! I was so confused and also a little embarrassed. I put so much pressure on myself to steady my hand when the people I put on pedestals do the same thing. I would like to mention that I am not in any way trying to shame Broadway actors for getting nervous. It made me love them even more. Of course, I knew they still get nervous, I’ve been on enough Instagram lives to hear them answer that question before, but I never knew it materialized in them the same way it did in me. Seeing the understudy's hand shake in the same way mine had done a million times was the most assuring thing I had ever seen. Lin-Manuel Miranda himself could tell me I sounded good while singing, and it wouldn’t even touch what that felt like. Something lifted off my shoulders in that moment, and I felt relieved. I’m not even auditioning for anything right now, which goes to show in a way how much this followed me. I put too much pressure on myself in auditions, and now I know that, if I ever do decide to audition for something again, I don’t have to worry about being viewed as less of a performer if my nerves show. I’ve seen it with other Broadway performers now that I know it exists in the professional Broadway world, and every time it reaffirms what I saw that first time. It is also a friendly reminder that Broadway performers are simply grown-up theater kids, and they’ve been in the same boat most of us have been in. So, if you take anything away from this, it’s to not let your nerves, mistakes, or quirks define who you are as a performer or the art you produce. If you love what you’re doing, you’re doing what you’re supposed to be.