Guest Blog: Playwright Cordelia O'Neill On ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT HARD ENOUGH

The play, which tackles infant mortality, runs at Southwark Playhouse

By: Aug. 26, 2021
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Guest Blog: Playwright Cordelia O'Neill On ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT HARD ENOUGH

My daughter didn't sleep for the first six months of her life. Baby sleep is one of life's unsolved mysteries: some sleep, some don't, and there is very little to explain why. During this time, I became obsessed with everything we did. If she went down easily one night, then I would only put her in those pyjamas. If she slept from 7:30pm-1am (a good stint) then I would replicate the exact things I did that evening.

I was given no reason, no logic, no understanding as to why she wasn't sleeping. I would speculate for hours. Every morning, I would want to have a debrief with my husband. Could it be this, is it the material of her body suit, maybe she's too cold, too hot, has an itch? I became obsessed.

And the truth is, there really isn't a reason, and trying to solve it and make sense of it sent me mad. A couple of times I picked up my coat and keys and left the house, leaving her screaming. There were nights when I didn't even sleep; I would sit up and wait for her to wake up and see if being witness to the waking up would help me understand why she was waking up. I had no reason and trying to find a reason was sending me mad.

So, imagine, if you can, carrying a baby - or your partner carrying a baby - for nine months, and then one day, without any real reason or explanation, that baby dies.

This, sadly, is still far too common. Many women go through the marathon that is labour only for their baby to be born still. Many women at the late stages of their pregnancy find out that tragically their baby has died; they are then induced and have to birth their baby still.

And many women, today in 2021, will never know the reason why. They leave hospital with milk coming in, stitches, hormones raging, sleep deprived and without their babies. I wanted to draw attention to this. To me, it seems so unbelievably unfair. And to me, it seems that we all shy away from the subject.

Many mothers I have spoken to long to hear the name of their babies, but often people are too scared to mention them. Many mothers want to tell their birth story, but again, their versions make others feel uncomfortable. They then become the forgotten mothers, and their babies are also forgotten.

I wanted to tell a story that you couldn't forget. I wanted to expose the grief and the pain and how you continue your life without ever really knowing why your baby doesn't walk beside you. Anything Is Possible If You Think About It Hard Enough is a hard play, but it's also a fun play and at the heart is hope.

I hoped in the bleak winter months of 2021 that one day my daughter would sleep through, and by some miracle she eventually did. I'm lucky. So very lucky. This play can't perform miracles, but it can deepen our understanding of baby loss and it can, I hope, help us help those who have or are going through such a tragedy.

Anything Is Possible If You Think About It Hard Enough is at Southwark Playhouse from 22 September-9 October. Book tickets here



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