Student Blog: Maybe Don't Break A Leg

About two hours before opening night this semester, I was at physical therapy telling my PT about my show. As I limped out, she tried to wish me luck but caught herself; “Actually, I feel like I shouldn’t say break a leg...” 

I have been a very active performer for as long as I can remember. I started dancing at 3 years old, which led to a love for acting, further leading to a love of tech. I spent most of 11th and 12th grade with a drill in one hand and a paintbrush in the other. 

My chronic pain started around 4 years ago, when I was 16. While it was certainly a challenge throughout high school, I was mostly able to keep up my daily life as usual. Navigating these challenges led me to fall in love with the gym, which is a habit that became a huge crutch, both physically and mentally. With some consistency, my pain felt like it was improving ever so slightly. 

Fast forward to this semester. Around the end of August, I had a slow but steady onset of an injury related to my chronic pain. I have always dealt with flare-ups, but this was something I couldn’t just stretch and ice. A lot of my life was uprooted; I’ve had to abandon my lifting routine, my social life is limited to what I can physically handle, and dancing is a thing of the past. 

There are a thousand things I can speak on about the challenges of this new pain, but the biggest hurdle was the show I participated in this semester. The Northeastern University Theatre Department did a play called “The Numbers,” a devised work about data and the challenges of the city that was largely created with a movement methodology called Viewpoints. These rehearsals called for running, jumping, and even just standing still, all of which are major risks and irritants for my injury. While some days are better than others, I had to spend a lot of rehearsals sitting on the side, sometimes even having members of the creative team standing in for me during blocking. 

I want to preface everything in this article by expressing my gratitude for my director, cast mates, and the entire creative team. Everyone around me has been so incredibly supportive and caring when it comes to navigating my injury, and I am so lucky to have so many people watching out for my health. However, it’s hard not to feel guilty or like I’m holding the team back. I am someone who has always prided myself on hard work and commitment to my projects, so having to step back and not give my 100% for the first time ever is terrifying. It’s hard enough being in so much pain at any given time, but when it starts making you question who you are, it’s easy to spiral. 

I don’t want my entire article to be a downer, but I also don’t feel I’m qualified to speak on anything related to injuries or health; I haven’t even figured out how to handle my own chronic pain yet. So instead, here are some things I’ve been doing (outside of physical therapy) to navigate my day-to-day life without spiraling severely into depression. 

I’m lucky enough to go to school in an incredibly walkable city. If you are someone who regularly goes to the gym or engages in some form of physical activity, you know that quitting cold turkey can be draining and disheartening. While I haven't been able to get back to weight lifting yet, I’ve found it really important that I walk as much as I can. Whether it’s just walking to class or going out to visit the Public Garden or the Charles River, keeping that low-impact exercise in my life has been vital both physically and mentally. 

In lieu of my more physical interests, I’ve leaned into some of my more low-intensity passions this semester in order to keep my creativity active. I’ve been loving painting, something I’ve grown up doing, but have never really taken on as a long-term project. Right now, I’m working on a painting of a sunset I captured at the Charles River, and it’s been really fun to go all in on researching tips and tools from more experienced artists. Other small activities like bracelet making, sewing, and sketching have also served as fun ways to stay passionate about the arts. 

Finally, your support system is always going to be vital when dealing with challenges like chronic pain and mobility issues. Even with all the anxiety over if I’m holding my friends and cast back, I’ve been so lucky to be surrounded by people who are understanding when I need to take a few minutes or call the night short. Health issues can be painfully isolating, so having simple movie or game nights with friends is vital to combating loneliness. 

I’m so grateful for all my experiences this semester, but I am definitely planning to slow down over winter break and going into the spring semester to give my body a little more space to recover. It feels weird to be so separate from the person I was this time last year. I’ve had to abandon so many staples of my daily routine for the last 6 months or so. I’m trying to remind myself that life comes in waves of ups and downs, and this is just a moment I’m gonna have to slowly build back up from.