Student Blog: The Final Days

I am in my final week of college classes for my undergrad and it has been one of the roughest weeks of my college career. I leave my house around 8 or 9 each morning and I don’t return home until 12am or later. I had to perform in three classes this week for my finals. I am trying to organize end of the year events for Alpha Psi Omega. I am also in a play that runs each night til 10pm or later, and I still have so much homework to do. Don’t get me wrong, I know how lucky and blessed I am that I get to do all those things and that I get to perform each night and I get to perform for my finals-it just all can be a bit daunting. Especially when it means I don’t have time to spend doing all the non-theatrey things I love to do before I can’t do them anymore. Things like, coming home and staying up with my roommates talking til the wee hours of the evening, or playing DnD with my friends, or getting taco bell and playing video games with my boyfriend or throwing rocks in the river with my friends one more time. I want to be able to do all those things without worrying about homework and all the other things. And it is truly infuriating and makes me sad. Then, when I sit down to do work I cannot focus and keep zoning in and out. It took me over an hour to write this blog because I could not lock in to save my life.

Right now, I am very much struggling to find the joy. The joy of still being in college. I am trying to soak up every last bit of it but am having a really hard time with that while also being so tired. And the days are going by so so fast it is crazy. I still can’t quite believe that I will graduate in 10 days. I have had many a crash out this week and have gone to bed way too late, but I know soon I’m going to look back and miss all of it. I’m going to miss going over my tap routine final til my feet hurt, staying up with my friends working on homework until 3 in the morning, running around campus like a chicken with my head cut off. It is so so much right now, but it will be so much to miss.

What I’ve had to do, besides taking an obscene amount of caffeine, is taking each day one day at a time. Doing what I absolutely have to do for each day. Then also thinking about the fun things I get to do like taking senior pictures with my friends or doing senior will downs. My school does this thing where all the seniors will things they don’t want anymore down to underclassmen and it is a lot of fun and really cool and fun. I’m trying to think about those things when I can’t seem to think straight or I start crashing out. It’s like that trend where people post video clips of them enjoying life with the caption “I almost forgot that this was the whole point.” Because this is the whole point. Getting to leave school with a lifetime of memories and people I’m never going to forget. 

Senior burnout is a very real and vicious thing. I don’t have much advice on how to overcome this feeling of running out of time as I am still going through it. But I do know one thing. But we will get through this. And there will be no regrets. Everything I do these remaining days I want to do with my full chest. I want to be able to look back at this time in my life and remember how amazing and precious it was. Because it is. What I get to do every day is so special and wonderful. I am truly blessed. Enjoy this time. And as always, go do great things.