Student Blog: Offstage Growth

Theatre has been one of my best teachers when it comes to social interaction. Being surrounded by castmates and crewmembers, learning empathy through analyzing characters, and forming community in every show you do. It is no secret that theatre is a fantastic outlet to gain interpersonal skills. A huge factor in my personality and extroverted nature is growing up performing. Many theatre kids can attest that being involved in the theatre community helps develop interpersonal skills and confidence.  

I like to stay busy. My junior and senior year of high school I was constantly on the go.  Between rehearsal, work, school and cheer practice I was always surrounded by friends. And that’s how I like it. So entering college at an out of state school with not a familiar face in sight was a little more difficult than I anticipated.  

My first week at college at the University of Utah was a little different than most. As a student athlete, I had the option to move onto campus early. Not for practice or team bonding, just cause. Sounds good to me! I had no clue just how barren campus would be. It was a ghost town. My first four days away from home, no family, no friends, in an unfamiliar environment, were very difficult, I can’t lie. For the first time in over a year, it was just me, myself, and I with no to-do list. For days! It was a drastic change compared to my busy schedule the last couple years of high school.  

Being alone with my thoughts was daunting. I found myself having a great deal of anxiety. I was so used to constantly being around people or being distracted by tasks, that being left alone with just my thoughts for days was very new and unsettling. I didn’t feel like myself. I was intimidated by going out and exploring. Looking back, I think my brain was just so confused and nervous about all the new, it seemed easiest to just hide in my dorm room for a few days. And that’s what I did. Not a good choice on my part; I know that now. But at the time, it seemed like a better option than trying to embrace the new. 

The first few days were really tough. But when move-in day for the rest of the students arrived, I was stoked. The campus that was once completely deserted was now bustling with college kids and parents carrying carts full of luggage. What a blessing.  

Though, my first month was more difficult than I thought it would be to make friends. My confident and positive facade that came so naturally at drama club and rehearsal back home, did not come as naturally in a strange and new place. I don’t remember talking to people to be this difficult.  

On the other hand, it became easier and easier for me to spend time alone. Over time, I learned to manage my anxiety and found my alone time to be valuable, and not a waste of time like I would have said a year ago.  

Flash forward to now, in a few hours, I will be taking a flight back home to Washington State. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I will be seeing friends from high school that I haven’t seen in nearly four months, before I left to Utah. Now with a greater sense of self, the busy-bee, man of action they once knew has taken a step back and learned to chillax. I’m sure there will be virtually no changes in my personality that my friends will recognize, but I really do feel that after my first few months of college, I’ve learned to respect and accept all parts of myself far more than I ever did in high school. 

As performers, it is natural to want to constantly be on the go. This industry is centered around planning the next audition, working tooth and nail to shine over the competition, and networking to create future opportunities for yourself. We all value the hustle, and spending time alone reflecting on our busy lives leaves us feeling guilty for not being productive. For some of us, that rare time spent alone can leave us feeling worse about ourselves than reenergized. In my case, practicing positive thoughts and spending time going on a walk or reading a book has greatly helped me battle the plethora of anxiety that comes with being in a new environment. Practicing reclusively has made me an even better extrovert, because now I can be the best version of myself for the people that matter most.