Student Blog: Finally Getting Hobbies and Understanding Myself!

There is no better feeling than giving your all. The long, grueling rehearsal process you commit to. The extra effort you do outside of the studio to ensure growth. The racing thoughts until your head hits the pillow, motivating and engraving a certain “I will succeed” mindset. This kind of dedication is instilled into performers at a young age to keep up with the growing talents and demands of the industry. When we take a step back and recognize that hard work is necessary, it is also important to understand who you are outside of your craft. 

For some performers, there is, unfortunately, a huge disconnect between their work and the characters they portray and knowing themselves fully. Whether it is because you feel as if you do not have the time to explore other interests or that you’ve put on so many faces for the stage, you lose yourself within the characters. The experience is common - especially amongst young people in the arts. As a young adult, I’m constantly changing every single day. What I love today might be what I hate in a couple of months and vice versa and what I do that makes sense to me now might not make sense to me in 20 years. You mix that with constantly altering yourself to fit the standards of your teachers and the harsh expectations you may have put on yourself, it can start to weigh down on not just you, but your love for what you do. 

As many things as we feel that we can outrun, tiredness always seems to creep in. The “mental cardio” it takes to convince yourself that you have energy is even worse than acknowledging you’re tired and pushing through. No matter what anyone says, too much of one thing will become unhealthy, so why do we not view our self-imposed standards as the same? I am not saying to not go to your 8AM ballet class, because you’re tired. Finding a balance between working hard and playing hard is ultimately key. I’ve found that now that I’m in college and my schedule isn’t filled every single minute of the day, like how it was in high school. I’ve been looking into things that make me feel like my life outside of dance is worthwhile and emphasize the things I love. I’ve focused 15 years of my life to dance and it has given me amazing opportunities and I’ve met so many cool people who I hope to always stay in contact with, but that is only one part of me - which was all realized through contemplation. During my break time or just right before I’ve gone to bed I’ve been easily swept up in wondering who I am outside of what I’ve been training for my entire life. My training consumed all of my time back home, so now that I have the option to venture out, I’m trying to find who I am outside of my main passions.  

To beat burnout, I recently took a look back into what I loved when I was younger and found that it still resonates with me today. When I was looking for some joy after a hard, physically taxing series of classes, I looked back into my old music playlist from when my music taste was way different. I found some old K-Pop that would be considered prehistoric now and listened to it. It made me weirdly nostalgic of all of the trends at the time, but it also made me realize how far I’ve come in my journey. No matter how long ago certain interests were, they were still a part of me and made me who I am today. I’ve been in the arts for so long and though I’ve shifted who I am multiple times, but dance was something that was consistent with my life. It made me realize how I’ve grown as a person while still working hard. I can have interests while still working hard. Every single second of my free time doesn’t need to be used to think of all of the corrections I've gotten or filled with mental strenuity - it can be peaceful and enjoyable. I felt my own sense of self slipping away in fear that I’m not working hard enough, but if you don’t have things that fill your emotional needs outside of what you’re studying, you might lose yourself completely. 

I also stopped overlooking other things I might be interested in. I do believe applying for this student blogger position was one of my first steps. My passion for writing is immense as I also like to write poetry, songs and screenplays. I’ve had the opportunity to write for my school’s television station and join the Writers Club here at Point Park. Honing in on my skills has led to me finding a sense of community. I’ve found that finding community in your hobbies makes you 1. defy the guilt of not working, because you’re having fun and 2. helps you build strong relationships with people you never thought you would speak to. I feel like I’m gaining new friends I would’ve never thought I would meet, because of our differences. 

I’ve also found out some surprising things about myself. I actually like sports! Who would've thought? That would come as the biggest surprise to my younger self, but now that I’m giving myself the chance… It’s not bad in the slightest. Don’t get me wrong, if you asked me to kick a soccer ball for a million dollars I’d be going home empty handed, but it’s fun to watch someone else kick a soccer ball and get their millions of dollars! I’ve become fond of the WNBA (Women's National Basketball Association), the NWSL (National Women’s Soccer League) and women's college basketball. I’m in genuine awe of these women that compete at such a high level and then continue to be themselves on such a public platform and then on top of that, advocate for their rights as female athletes. It is admirable the work they do for their leagues. I find inspiration in strong, daring women that make discrepancies known and protest to fix them, like the incredible player Napheesa Collier! :)  

I still feel like I have a lot to learn about myself. One of my main reasons why I started my journey of finding new hobbies is to add a “why” to the art that I do, but then it turned into learning more about myself more than I could've imagined. Why do I react this way in a scene? Why do I emote this way when dancing? Why do I encourage myself in times of doubt? Why wouldn’t I want to share my artistic expression with the world? This journey has made me excited to see what comes next in my own life and how I adapt to the culture around me. I hope reading this blog has allowed you to put some thought into what might possibly make you happy in the future and find your “why” to the things that you do. Not everything might have reasoning, but everything inevitably has an emotion. If you find no reason, but it makes you happy then your pure feeling is the “why.”