Review: CRUEL INTENTIONS: THE 90S MUSICAL at The Garden Theatre

This encore production of The Garden Theatre’s 2022 Houston premiere features ’90s music from all your favorite artists of the time, performed by most of the show’s original cast. Created by Jordan Ross and Lindsey Rosin in collaboration with Cruel Intentions writer/director Roger Kumble, CRUEL INTENTIONS: THE ’90S MUSICAL lifts its story and most of its dialogue directly from the 1999 movie, which is a modern-day telling of Les Liaisons Dangereuses by Choderlos de Laclos.

For those of you who may not know the cult classic, the film stars Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ryan Phillippe as rich, sinister step-siblings in Manhattan. They make a bet that involves seducing the wholesome new-girl-in-town (played by Reese Witherspoon), and suddenly the game is afoot. Along the way there’s sex, drugs, and a parade of collateral casualties. The film was an absolute hit for me and mine back in the day, and weaving in a slew of jukebox hits to turn it into a musical seems like a slam dunk.

And from a camp perspective, it is, and that’s where this production truly shines. The utterly villainous story works best when played full force, with characters belting out Christina Aguilera and *NSYNC while chewing the scenery. With minimal costumes and a single but highly functional set, the production leans on choreography (of which there is a lot), lighting (equal parts stagey and concert-like), and strong vocals (all of which the cast delivers in spades).

Reprising her role as Kathryn Merteuil (the SMG role in the film) is Julianne McBride, who brings powerhouse vocals to every song she tackles. She proves she can sing virtually any genre, even when the number doesn’t entirely fit the script (looking at you, Melissa Etheridge). McBride effortlessly navigates scenes with nearly every cast member, shifting in chameleonic fashion to win her bet with stepbrother Sebastian. Oh, and that bet (on one side at least) does involve them sleeping together…so thank goodness they’re step-siblings.

Opposite McBride is Jake Cummings as Sebastian Valmont. Cummings also showcases vocal chops in both ’90s ballads and bangers, but I felt he could have leaned into the camp factor even more. I appreciated the sincere push-pull over his own deception, but it felt slightly misplaced in a production where the person he’s seducing is throwing themselves across the stage while singing Boyz II Men.

On that note, newcomers Morgan Kaupert and Miles Estes (as Cecile Caldwell and Ronald Clifford) clearly got the camp memo–and they went for it. Kaupert’s physical comedy embodies Cecile’s sexual immaturity and curiosity, and her voice fills the theater. Estes’ Ronald is a little femme-y, and it works! When they’re together, we’re never sure whether they’re going to bone or go shopping, but either way, we cannot look away. Their chemistry is contagious, and I’ll never think of “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” the same way again.

In the Reese Witherspoon role of Annette Hargrove, Jackie Cortina returns from the premiere production. Cortina’s voice is controlled and beautiful, and she sings a few of my favorite decade tracks (thank you, Natalie Imbruglia and Jewel!). I just wish some of that emotion would reach her eyes; at times it felt like she was somewhere else. As the wholesome, Jesus-loving character destined for destruction, she missed some prime opportunities, playing it just a little too straight.

Wendy Taylor’s voice is known throughout Houston, and as Bunny Caldwell (Cecile’s mother) she does not just chew up scenery, she inhales it whole. She also treats us (twice!) to an operatic take on TLC’s “No Scrubs” that should not be missed. If you’re planning to see the show, note that she’s in the role only through January 6th; afterward, Whitney Wyatt (reprising the role) takes the reins.

In the original Cruel Intentions film, the handling of characters Blaine Tuttle and Greg McConnell’s sexuality was problematic and often insensitive. But in this show, which thrives on heightened parody, camp, and a knowing wink to its audience, the production embraces that edge and flips it into outright gleefully exaggerated performance. Efren Calderon and Daniel Edwards, both reprising their roles, fully commit to this approach, delivering moments that are sincere in their joy yet deliciously overblown in every beat. Whether they’re slaying choreography in *NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye” or singing “Sometimes” by Britney Spears,  their swagger and comic timing make them unabashed and unafraid to dance their butts off.

CRUEL INTENTIONS: THE '90S MUSICAL is a fun idea that provides a warm, nostalgic feeling that is a welcome palette cleanser after all the seasonal holiday responsibilities. While some of the songs feel slightly shoehorned in and others could have fit better, director Logan Vaden & Team have brought a much-needed end-of-year tonic to MATCH. Whether you grew up with these songs or not, you’ll find yourself dancing in your seat and possibly singing along.

There will be a special performance on December 31 that will be followed by the ultimate '90s bash as The Garden Theatre counts down to the new year. The party includes an open bar (beer, wine, and a specialty cocktail), food, a midnight champagne toast, and dancing to '90s karaoke hits! Tickets are available through the website in the link below. 

Houston Awards - Live Stats

Best Musical - Top 3

1. ROCK OF AGES (Standing Ovation Theatre)

8.2% of votes

2. BRIGHT STAR (Spark Theater)

6.4% of votes

3. THE WIZARD OF OZ (A. D. Players at the George Theater)

5.8% of votes

Vote Now!