Student Blog: Leaning Into the Chaos

I just closed a production of the Merry Wives of Windsor at my local outdoor theatre, Theatre in the Park or TIP. It was wild and chaotic but I wouldn’t have changed anything about it. I learned so much and I met some incredible people that I hope to always have in my life. Doing this show wasn’t at all what I expected. I could not have imagined this experience playing out at all like it did, but I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in God and I believe that he maps out every single detail of our lives. Whether you believe that to be true or not, I can honestly say that Merry Wives was a miracle and was something that I needed in my life.

In one of his podcasts, Patrick Page talks about how a life read backward makes complete sense, a life read forwards is chaos. Everything that happens and every choice we make looked at after the fact, makes perfect sense. But, when we are going through life and we “read '' our stories beginning to end, it doesn’t always make sense and it is so confusing, but we have to get through it in order to experience the good. To fully reap all the wonderful joy that our lives will bring. And that is exactly what Merry Wives was for me. Confusing and chaotic, but now that it's over I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

When I was first cast in this show, I was so excited. I got cast as Anne Page which was a dream role of mine. My freshman year of college, we studied The Merry Wives of Windsor in my fundamentals of theatre class. We watched the Royal Shakespeare Company’s version of it and we studied the script and I loved it. After that I knew I wanted to play Anne at some point in time. She didn’t just take what was handed to her. She spoke up for herself and went after what she wanted. I never get cast as the love interest or the young ingenue. I’m never the girl that everyone wants. Anne has three men in the show that think she is so beautiful and want to marry her. I’m never that girl. I’m never the pretty one. I’ve played pants roles a majority of my life. I’ve always thought that I wasn’t skinny enough, or that I didn’t look right. I wasn't enough. So the fact that somebody saw me and thought that I could be that, was huge for me. It broke down some walls that I had built up so highly in my head. It helped me prove to myself that I can be the young girl ingenue, just the way I am. It is something that meant a lot to me and I couldn’t wait to jump into this show and make Anne Page who I wanted to make her.

I had to miss a good two-ish weeks of rehearsals due to my New York trip and a few other commitments, which was fine since Anne Page isn’t in the play a whole lot (best princess track ever). When I came back home and actually started rehearsals, I was exhausted. I was drained and I wasn’t as excited about the show as I was initially. I was almost at a point where I didn’t even want to do the show anymore. After about 2 or 3 rehearsals, my spirits started to lift and I was getting a little bit more excited again. I had a few friends in the show that I had previously worked with and I was excited to see them and work with them again and I was also starting to get to know a few new people and I was enjoying that. Things were looking up.

After attending about 4 rehearsals, we all showed up for rehearsal and were greeted by the board and executive director of TIP-that normally means something has happened and something not good. We were informed that our director had been asked to leave the production due to unforeseen circumstances. This was two weeks before we were supposed to open. I’m gonna be honest this kind of came out of left field. We were never told specifically why or what happened, but we were all sort of confused and unsure of what this meant for the production. When our director was asked to leave, he left and he also took his ideas and his adaptation of the script with him. The show was originally to be set in the 1950’s and our original director had adapted the script to fit that time period. This then meant that not only did we need a new director, but we also needed a completely new concept/idea for the show. Things seemed a little bleak to say the least. Our assistant director, Carrie, was asked to step up and be our new director, which she willingly and graciously did. Our producer and one of our cast members also stepped up and volunteered to help re-adapt the script and make new changes. I was then asked to become the assistant director which I agreed to because I still wanted the show to happen despite the chaos. We as a cast decided to take the weekend and then meet up again the following week, read the newly adapted script and decide from there if we wanted to continue with the production. This was not at all what I was expecting my summer to look like. I haven’t just been an actor in a show in a while. I was looking forward to less responsibility and to just focus on being Anne Page. That’s all I wanted but that isn’t exactly what God had in mind. I was so confused, I was tired, I didn’t think I had it in me to step into this new responsibility. I was lost in the chaos. But I knew that I wanted the show to happen. We had already put so much work into it and we deserved to see some pay off.

Fast forward a week and we all gathered and read through the new script and we decided to move forward with the show. This meant a lot of work had to be done. We decided to

bring the show into modern day and have it take place in Menard County, IL-which is where TIP is. Our directors to-do list just grew immensely. The next day we were out at the TIP site reblocking and kicking things into high gear. Everyone in the cast and crew helped out in any way they could. Our costumer was amazing and completely turned directions and gave us new costumes and the cast helped out by providing stuff from our own closets. One of our cast members and one of my friends, Logan, is an artist and he was able to paint a banner for us and have these incredible detailed paintings that we needed. Everyone just really came together. From memorizing lines, to helping re-market, we all banded together to create something so special in just two weeks.

Tech week was insane, a lot of things were done last minute due to our lack of time. Almost every night our director and I were out there from 4:30pm until 11 or 11:30pm. It was exhausting, but I’m so glad we did it. We were out there fixing mic’s, painting, and building. I was so freaking tired. Carrie and I were becoming delusional, but we did it. Carrie did it. And it was great. For the time we had, and maybe I’m a little biased, I think it was pretty dang good. People came out to see our little show. And we all had so much fun. I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a while. I was sad to see the show close. I looked forward to

going out to the theatre every night and just being around these people. I still feel a little lost without seeing all these folks every night. TIP is probably one of my favorite places in the world. I love outdoor theatre so much, I just think it’s so cool that we get to do that.  I miss being outside doing theater under the stars every night. As corny as this sounds, our show was a miracle and it was magical. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

A life read backwards makes complete sense, a life read forwards is chaos. Looking back on this show, everything had to happen the way it did. If everything happened the way it was supposed to, I would never have gotten as close to Carrie as I am now. Carrie is now a friend that I hope to have in my life forever. I definitely wouldn’t have gotten to spend as much time with friends like Logan, and other cast members and gotten to know them. I wouldn’t have laughed as much. I wouldn’t have learned some skills that I didn’t even know

I needed, like figuring out how to build a laundry basket that a full sized man could fit into. I never would have made those memories and met those people. I was so frustrated at the situation, but looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. I still got to make Anne my own, especially with all the changes, I got to help bring her into a new light and it felt so good. This experience also reminded me of why I love community theatre so much and how important it is. I could go on and on about how vital community theatre is, but I’ll get into that in my next blog post so look out for that.

At the end of the day, everything happens for a reason. Everything always comes together in the end, always. So when all you see is chaos, try and enjoy it. Embrace the chaos. Lean into it. And as always, go do great things.

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