Review: TWELVE O'CLOCK TALES WITH AVA GARDNER at Whitefire Theatre

Alluring, seductive, sailor-mouthed, progressive, physically stunning, smoker, martini lover and every bit a star.

These, or some equivalent, were words that were used to describe Hollywood's Ava Gardner, once branded by MGM as "The World's Most Beautiful Animal." Better that, perhaps, then The World's Most Enchanting Vegetable, but let's move on.

Alessandra Assaf, who enacts the Hollywood icon in 12 O'CLOCK TALES WITH Ava Gardner, the play she has written with Michael Lorre, brings out all of the actress's fire, charisma and messiness. The 80-minute play, directed by Michael A. Shepperd is one of count 'em 50 shows that make up the Whitefire Theatre's Solofest. Can't speak to the other 49, but TWELVE O'CLOCK TALES is more than enough to makes me want to investigate further.

During a break from the shooting of the 1974 disaster flick, EARTHQUAKE, Gardner unwinds in her trailer, and starts yacking away to her (unseen) longtime assistant and best friend Mearene Jordan ("Reenie" to Miss G.),. She hits the record button on her tape player and starts reminiscing about her life. Gardner is half expecting a call from Frank Sinatra, her third ex-husband (and perhaps her one true love) who - 20 years after their split - may be looking to propose again. If he does call with this offer, Gardner is hell-bent on dropping him like the proverbial hot rock. Maybe.

Prowling around her trailer with a mixture of anxiety and elegance, the girl from Grabtown North Carolina holds forth. She rattles some cages and spills some tea where the men in her life are concerned. She reconsiders some of her life choices, but not so very many. She is in her early 50s, but still a bombshell.

Tall and exotic-looking, Assaf is an enchanting Ava. Her tales include episodes of real pain, anguish and heartache, peppered with flashes of mystery, suggesting that the lady is holding a few choice bits back. The narrative is a little disjointed, with an impatient Gardner jumping between loosely-related topics. While awaiting her next scene (albeit on a film that she clearly thinks is beneath her) and on the sharpest of pins and needles over whether Old Blue Eyes will come through, she's passing the time, collecting some fodder for a memoir and, sure, coming to some important realizations.

Fortunately, the lady can exercise patience, whether she's throwing on a record, singing a favorite ditty or going through cigarettes like they're popcorn. Assaf smokes practically as a reflex, but she must burn through easily a dozen cigs during the course of her 12 O'CLOCK TALES, although "burn through" isn't strictly accurate since the performer never actually lights up. I'm not one to wish carcinogens (or herbal cigarettes) on anyone's lungs, but the pantomiming is a tiny production misstep. How interesting might it have been to watch a lady this confrontational and this into her habit to be periodically shrouded in smoke.

The list of people who have done her wrong is extensive and most of them, predictably, are men. First husband Mickey Rooney: a philandering egotist. Second husband Artie Shaw: aloof and Svengali-esque. Howard Hughes: weird and possessive. George C. Scott: abusive and thuggish. Assuredly, Gardner took some real lumps, but in Assaf's hands, this lady isn't one for apologies or victimization. After growing up dirt poor, this Hollywood starlet - still with traces of her southern accent - has ended up in a trailer filled with flowers and playing second fiddle to Charlton Heston and a bunch of falling styrofoam. Things, could be better but they could also be a whole lot worse.

The landscape of plays about Ava Gardner will expand in a couple of months when The Geffen Playhouse produces AVA THE SECRET CONVERSATIONS, a two-character play written by and starring DOWNTON ABBEY's Elizabeth McGovern. For the time being, the riches of Assaf and Shepperd's work are on display Sundays only through March 5.

One final note. Sherman Oaks's Whitefire Theatre is an intimate yet versatile venue that holds around 84 seats, none of which are far from the stage. If you go - and you should - for the sake of both the performer and your fellow audience members, please be prepared to sit quietly for 80 minutes. At the performance I attended, the behavior of the audience was atrocious. Between ringing cell phones, crinkling food wrappers, people talking, and people both entering and exiting the theater while the performance was in progress (in one instance, climbing over a entire row), it is a wonder that Assaf didn't stop the show.

TWELVE O'CLOCK TALES WTIH Ava Gardner plays through March 5 at the Whitefire Theatre, 13500 Ventura Blvd., Sherman Oaks.

Photo Credit: Frank Ishman