Interview: Wacky Musical GOLEM OWNED A TROPICAL SMOOTHIE Comes to SoHo Playhouse

Golem Owned A Tropical Smoothie tells the story of Golem, a non-copyright-infringing creature who owns a non-copyright-infringing smoothie shop called Tropical Smoothie in Panama City Beach. I saw a concert reading of the wacky, whimsical musical at 54 Below in 2023 (read the review here). Nearly two years later, the creators, Ethan Crystal and Garrett Poladian, are doing a limited run of the show at SoHo Playhouse’s 2025 Lighthouse Series this week. It will be performed at SoHo Playhouse on Thursday April 17 at 7 pm, Saturday, April 19 at 7 pm and Sunday, April 20 at 3 pm. We spoke with them about the journey from conception up to this limited run, and their future plans for the work.

Where did the idea for Golem Owned A Tropical Smoothie come from?

Ethan Crystal: It was Garrett’s idea. He was working at a Tropical Smoothie Cafe (with whom we’re not technically affiliated) in PCB and just hating his f-ing life when one morning he imagined Gollum (with whom we’re not technically affiliated) ordering him around in the shop and it made him laugh. 

When he told me the story, it sorta struck a nerve - I think because we had been living on a cruise ship for four months on a gig, and there were times where we all felt isolated, unable to escape, and saved by the grace of some stupid fuckin joke that kinda made it feel ok again. So the show started as sort of an ode to those things. It still is. But it used to be too.

Garrett Poladian: It all started when I was working at a Tropical Smoothie Cafe in Panama City Beach, Fla. One very early morning after opening the shop, I randomly thought of a title for a musical: Golem Owned A Tropical Smoothie. Like—"owned"? As in he lost it? He loses it? What does that even mean? And Golem—like from The Lord of the Rings? I had so many follow-up questions for my own mentally ill brain for coming up with something so absurd, but for some reason, it had me in literal tears as I was serving smoothies to customers.

It was totally arbitrary, and honestly, I didn’t think much more about it after that moment… until about five months later. I was working as a performer on a cruise contract when I met Ethan—and that meeting changed everything.

I owe so much to Ethan. He was the first person to believe in the idea when it was nothing more than a silly title. He didn’t ask questions. He didn’t roll his eyes. He just got it. He laughed with me—hard—for like ten minutes as we drank Coronas and imagined Golem singing a heartfelt ballad.

A few days later (and not six beers deep), Ethan played me a jingle he had written that could be the chorus of the opening number. And right then, I saw the full potential. That was the moment I knew, without a doubt, we had to write this story together.

Can you walk us through the process of developing a show like this from conception through the concert reading stage to a more fully staged production like you're putting on now? What have some of the most pivotal moments been?

GP: Wow—there have been so many moments. And honestly, neither of us had ever done anything like this before. We’d both been part of shows in development, but being the ones actually developing the show? That’s a whole different ball game.

Everyone’s process is different, but ours has felt weirdly linear—which is kind of wild, considering we had no idea what we were doing. But I think that actually helped us. We didn’t have anything to compare it to and no expectations of where it “should” go. We just kept going, kept writing, kept laughing, and kept wanting to make our friends laugh.

Some of the most pivotal moments have been hearing those laughs—from our friends, from early readings, from new audiences. Every time that happens, it’s this amazing reminder that we’re on the right track. It brings us right back to that first moment on the cruise ship, laughing uncontrollably at the ridiculous idea of Golem owning a smoothie shop. That feeling is what’s guided us the whole way through.

EC: For me it was the first reading on the ship - we wrote the opening number only and staged it in the Crew Bar with our friends in the cast and printed lil flyers that fit in the key cards of people’s cabins. Garrett made that puppet, I made the score, we wrote the whole thing together not having any experience before as writers - and we got a reaction we didn’t expect. Everything we did after came from that moment. 

Without that first crowd, or those first people asking us what’s next and what we’re doing with it, we never would have had the confidence to submit it for the grants and concerts and readings and development opportunities that brought it forward and put it on people's radar. 

Have you revised or reshaped the show at all since your 54 Below reading?

GP: Oh yeah—big revisions! After the 54 Below concert, we walked away with a whole new perspective on the show—what it could be, and what it could mean. We’ve cut and added songs, changed plot lines, introduced and removed characters… the works. But from what I’ve seen and heard from other writers, that’s all part of the process.

Ethan and I are constantly chasing the best possible version of this story and the best way to tell it. Our cast jokes that there’s never been a draft of the show that’s even remotely the same—and honestly, they’re right. And I can pretty much guarantee there never will be. It’s a living, breathing thing. We’re always shaping it.

EC: After that concert we replaced Gabby’s song (the one where she wants to fuck Golem) with a whole new thing with this giant reveal that we can’t give away. It’s like such a big reveal that we don’t even wanna post it anywhere. People saw it in the fall at The Tank, but they can keep a secret, I hope. 

Our biggest journey with this show has been learning how to be book writers. A musical is like a big puzzle. One thing out of place and it changes everything else. There’s a joy in the process of using so much brain power to try and make something so dumb so smart. It’s poetic to me, because every moment we spend on it is exactly what the show is about.

What are your next goals for this show?

GP: An official Off-Broadway run and a cast album—those are the big ones! We want to get this show in front of as many people as possible and share the music with musical theater lovers around the world. We've put so much heart (and chaos) into it, and we’re excited for it to live beyond the stage and reach a wider audience.

EC: We saw Beetlejuice at the Winter Garden. Maybe it could go there after

What are you most looking forward to about this upcoming run?

GP: I love a fringe festival. It takes me right back to competing in high school with the International Thespian Society—that’s really where my passion (and full-blown obsession) for creating theatre began. It reminds me why I got into this industry in the first place.

I’m also just genuinely excited to get the band back together and be stupid with puppets. 

EC: This Soho Playhouse series (with 25-minute snippets in competition) is a lot like the first ever thing we submitted for and won in 2019 - SoundBites with TheaterNow. With that, it was only 10 minutes, and our opening number was exactly 10 minutes at the time. But with Soho Playhouse, we submitted our 2.5 hour full-length musical, and they said “Great! You’re in. Now chop it down.” Which is an excellent writing exercise. Brevity is the soul of wit, y’know.

Without giving away too much, I’ll say that the more meta aspects of the show allow it to be (I hope) a bit of a Swiss army knife. Our vision for it is that it can be done by anyone anywhere. A series like this (where you do the 25, then a 45, then a full length) is a great test of that. 

Aside from Golem, what else have you been working on lately?

GP: Ethan and I have a song cycle in the works, as well as a podcast called Quiet Time (@quiet_time_pod). We also run a sketch comedy channel on Instagram called Gay Straight Allyance (@gaystraightallyance), where we post original video content. We're constantly writing, creating, and finding new ways to get our foot in the door of this wild industry.

EC: And I think we both just submitted for that tennis ball commercial last week. But we haven’t heard back.

Is there anything else you’d like to add?

EC: Wait. G I just got the email. I didn't get the commercial.

GP: Me neither.

Learn more about this show online at golemownedatropicalsmoothie.com