People talking during shows

[forfivemoreminutes]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:14pm

Genuine question - do a lot of people not know that talking during a performance (even whispering) is rude and not acceptable theatre etiquette? Or is this not actually as rude as I think it is? I go to the theatre a lot (like 50+ times a year) and I'd say at least half of the shows I attend, maybe more than that, someone near me is talking to their neighbour. And in my experience, no one other than me seems to tell people to be quiet (even when they are talking LOUDLY), and people I've told to stop talking tend to be pretty hostile...most recently I was at a regional theatre performance where the woman next to me turned to her husband literally every five minutes or so to comment on the performance, and I told her multiple times to stop talking, and each time she either ignored me or said something like, "I have every right to ask a question during the show."

My other worst audience interactions were probably at MJ, where the people behind me acted like I was the problem for asking them to stop singing loudly along to the show, and at Some Like It Hot, where this guy kept singing along and whistling loudly partway through songs (and when I told him to stop, he said, "I paid for this ticket and I have a right to a good time!" and he refused to stop singing along even after I got an usher to talk to him).

Having these experiences over and over again makes me feel like I'm somehow crazy for thinking that people shouldn't be talking (even if they're whispering) during a show, especially since the people doing this behaviour often get really angry and confrontational when I ask them to stop, even though I always ask them politely, usually something like, "Please stop talking/singing along during the show. It's disruptive/rude." And asking them to stop rarely actually gets them to stop - they'll sometimes just "whisper" (but still audibly). Is silence during shows not actually a theatre norm anymore? I came to the show to see the performance; not to hear random audience members' commentary on it, and I find it difficult to tune out when people are talking near me (and especially if they're singing along).

Will ushers actually help with this kind of thing? In my experience talking to ushers, they'll usually help if the behaviour is really egregious (like the guy who was singing along audibly enough for people several rows back to be glaring at him or commenting on him), but in other circumstances they haven't been much help, and even when they do approach someone to tell them to stop, the person usually just goes back to talking after the usher leaves. And sometimes if someone is whispering I'm not sure if that behaviour is "severe" enough to get ushers involved, especially if I'm in the middle of a row and it would be a hassle to get out and find an usher.

Is it unreasonable for me not to want people around me to talk during shows? Is there a more effective way I can deal with this beyond asking them to stop and/or alerting an usher if possible? And why is it happening SO OFTEN?

[ljay889]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:15pm

I’ve noticed in the past year that audience behavior has gotten absolutely HORRIFIC.  

[nativenewyorker2]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:18pm

At life of pi, the person next to me was TALKING on the phone DURING act one giving directions to their partner to their theater. And act two the partner was watching sports on his phone. The usher just did the basic turn off your phone and walked away. Big help. I emailed the Shurburt  customer service and got the basic sorry for the inconvenience but please spend money on another show to give us a second chance 

Updated On: 3/26/23 at 10:18 PM

[ElephantLoveMedley]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:21pm

ljay889 said: "I’ve noticed in the past year that audience behavior has gotten absolutely HORRIFIC."

Agreed. Since theatre resumed after the pandemic shutdowns, I've found audiences to be absolutely horrible. So many cell phone issues, excessive talking, and just rude behavior. A few months ago, I had to grab an usher for the first time to speak to an audience member who was TAKING A PHONE CALL during a show. 

Sometimes, I wonder is how much of this is a generational thing. I was at Wicked earlier this month and sat next to a family of two parents and their daughter who couldn't have been much older than nine or ten years old. The parents were absolutely horrendous. They probably bought out the entire snack stand at the Gershwin bar and were very audibly shoving every food and drink into their mouths, chattering to each other, and even pulling out their phones every 10 minutes to check the time. I wanted to scream at them.

But what fascinated me was that their daughter was absolutely captivated by the show. The mother interrupted her every few minutes to offer her a potato chip or to say something and the kid was just totally transfixed by the show and wanted nothing to do with her parents. It was remarkable to see.

[forfivemoreminutes]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:26pm

Do people genuinely not know that it's rude to do this stuff (talking, singing, texting, etc.)? I've seen a bunch of people texting during shows too, or answering email, which, a) why would you spend $200 on a ticket to a Broadway show and then spend most of that time checking your email, and b) do people genuinely not understand that it's rude to do that? Because again, when I tell people, "Put away your phone, it's distracting," they often glare at me like I'M the problem and then proceed to go back to their email as if I hadn't said anything at all. And in that case again, even alerting the ushers, all that happens is the usher will ask them to put it away, which they will, and then take it out again once the usher is gone. It's harder when they're in the middle of the row for the usher to keep an eye on it.

[Broadway Flash]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:26pm

If people don't want to go to the theatre, and would rather be watching sports, STAY HOME.

[BalconyClub]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:28pm

The people who talk in a theatre are the same ones who are vocal in a bedroom.

[sinister teashop]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:30pm

I don't think it's a generational thing. It has definitely gotten worse since the pandemic. We're all a bit less socialized now. There has been a loss or a forgetting of different social ideas... why we get together, who we are when we get together, etc. 

There are increasingly fewer opportunities to be in social spaces. We shop online. We work online. So the way we act around each other in social spaces becomes less and less of a necessary skill.

Updated On: 3/27/23 at 10:30 PM

[nativenewyorker2]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:33pm

The worst are school groups. Their teacher sits three rows in front them watching the show intently meanwhile their students are  being disruptive to everyone behind them

[forfivemoreminutes]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:35pm

At Phantom most recently multiple parties around me were talking, including the people beside me and behind me, and someone who I think might have been two rows back but was talking loudly enough for me to hear. At Bad Cinderella also several parties in the row behind me (two older women were chatting and then a younger man and woman were chatting). The guy at Some Like It Hot seemed like he'd had a LOT to drink and was disruptive a lot of people. At Leopoldstadt I sat next to a woman who kept coughing and clearing her throat so intensely throughout the entire show (especially in the last act) that another guy came up to her and told her she'd ruined the show for him. 

The only well-behaved audiences at Broadway shows I've been to recently were A Doll's House, Parade, and (interestingly) Six. I don't know if people are actually better behaved at Six (or they just aren't commentating because there isn't much to commentate on), or if the music is just so loud I can't hear anyone around me talking, but I've only ever had one audience member beside me at Six who was singing along, and she stopped when I asked her to stop (and seemed a bit embarrassed about it too). I've seen that show 20+ times, and I've never had a problem with any other audience member at that show...which is funny because the fandom of that show gets a really bad rap.

[Impeach2017]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:38pm

That's what tasers are for.

[forfivemoreminutes]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:38pm

nativenewyorker2 said: "The worst are school groups. Their teacher sits three rows in front them watching the show intently meanwhile their students are being disruptive to everyone behind them"

This happened to me when I saw Fiddler in Yiddish last year - I was so excited for that show, and it was completely ruined by TWO separate groups of students who talked, laughed, and unwrapped and ate candy throughout the ENTIRE show. Multiple audience members complained to their teachers about it, but the teachers didn't (or couldn't) do anything. The kids were even talking and laughing during Anatevka, and that theatre is small enough that there wasn't any way to get away from them - at intermission the kids spread out through the entire theatre, because there were a lot of empty seats, and even though I moved to the very far side of the theatre, I could still hear them across the aisle several rows away. They were LOUD.

[forfivemoreminutes]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:39pm

Impeach2017 said: "That's what tasers are for."

I wish!!!

[JSquared2]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:49pm

BalconyClub said: "The people who talk in a theatre are the same ones who are vocal in a bedroom."


Huhh??

[TheOnlyOne2]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 10:56pm

People are just Loyd and uncouth in the theater. I sat in front of someone who laughed piercings loud when the rest of the theater was silent. Laughing is great but there still needs to be s level of control. You can't be distracting people from what's on stage. It's also annoying as an actor. 

[dramamama611]

Posted: 3/26/23 at 11:51pm

What happens at the theater is a microcosm of the world. Society,at  least here in America, has become increasingly rude and ego-centric. On all sorts of transportation (air, rails, road...), in restaurants,  at the grocery store, in classrooms. 

[perfectlymarvelous]

Posted: 3/27/23 at 12:59am

re: dealing with talking as an usher, I will 100% address it if I hear it or if someone directly complains to me, but because of the acoustics of the theatre and where speakers are placed, it's SO hard to hear people unless they're right next to where I'm standing in the aisle or they're talking very loudly. At least in my theatre we do our best with the audience behavior, but it does sometimes feel like we're fighting a losing battle. 

And, on the whole, kids are usually *way* better behaved than their parents. 

[bear88]

Posted: 3/27/23 at 3:16am

I was in New York City last week and saw four Broadway shows and had no problem at any of them. I wondered whether it was because I was there midweek. At Sweeney Todd, which had as enthusiastic an audience I had been around in years, everyone was very well-behaved. Sure, one guy left behind a bunch of bloody tissues because he apparently had a bloody nose, but that seemed somehow fitting and wasn't disruptive during the musical. 

On Sunday night, in San Francisco at the Golden Gate Theatre, we sat in front of a group of middle-aged women who wouldn't stop talking, or in some cases singing along, during Fiddler on the Roof. It was so maddening, and my wife so frustrated, and I turned around, raised my hand, and said loudly, "You're not at home." This worked for a while, and then they started up again near the end of the first act. At intermission, they left - not sure why. Too much alcohol and those irritating glass bottles that people knock over so they roll down the inclined cement floor at maximum volume during quiet, emotional scenes. Another family brought their 6-year-old, if that, who unsurprisingly got restless and loud. They did leave, although it took them too long to realize that this just wasn't going to work.

I was just curious if midweek shows are better bets, or if it's just the luck of the draw at Broadway or touring houses. I never have issues at smaller venues.

Updated On: 3/27/23 at 03:16 AM

[hearthemsing22]

Posted: 3/27/23 at 8:22am

One time I made a comment about this, and someone was like "you can excuse it because maybe it's their first time at a show and they don't know the rules". PLEASE. They do. They choose to ignore them. They think rules don't apply to them. Usually when I hear people talking I turn around and give them a death glare. If they're on their phone I have no problem telling them to put it away-unless they're too far away from me. 

It does seem like it has gotten so much worse lately. It's ridiculous. Manners seem to have gone away during lockdown. 

[Melissa25]

Posted: 3/27/23 at 8:31am

Going midweek has become part of my overall strategy now to survive.  There’s less people to wade through in Times Square too on a Tuesday vs. a Saturday.  Now I also have to carry ear plugs in case I get seated next to an overly enthusiastic WOO-HOOer who verges on piercing  my ear drum throughout the show.  This is what happened at & Juliet and Funny Girl.  
 

The entire second act of Take me Out, I was taken out by the three middle aged women behind me crinkling their Sour Patch Kids wrappers. Sometimes I’d rather deal with a little chatter vs. all the other rude behavior.

Updated On: 3/27/23 at 08:31 AM

[hearthemsing22]

Posted: 3/27/23 at 8:37am

Melissa25 said: "Going midweek has become part of my overall strategy now to survive. There’s less people to wade through in Times Square too on a Tuesday vs. a Saturday. Now I also have to carry ear plugs in case I get seated next to an overly enthusiastic WOO-HOOer who verges on piercing my ear drum throughout the show. This is what happened at & Juliet and Funny Girl.


The entire second act of Take me Out, I was taken out by the three middle aged women behind me crinkling their Sour Patch Kids wrappers. Sometimes I’d rather deal with a little chatter vs. all the other rude behavior."

Ooof I'm sorry that's even something you have to do!! No one should have to use earplugs during a show. Absolutely ridiculous. 

[NJGUY]

Posted: 3/27/23 at 10:00am

I find midweek audiences better than weekend audiences.  What bugs me the most is how people just talk during the Overture as if it is NOT part of the show .  Luckily for DEAR WORLD, last week, the audience was transfixed for the overture, which is nice since it is close to 6 minutes and also wonderful in its composition.

[sbflyfan]

Posted: 3/27/23 at 10:08am

bear88 said: "It was so maddening, and my wife so frustrated, and I turned around, raised my hand, and said loudly, "You're not at home." "

That's a great tactic/line! I'm going to use that going forward. 

I can chime in with my own experience recently.  First performance of the "Into The Woods" tour in Buffalo.  A grandmother and her granddaughter sat to my left. The granddaughter was singing random lines, constantly standing up and sitting down, and taking her baseball cap on and off.  I glared at Grandma and made eye contact numerous times during the first act, and she kept telling her granddaughter to "sit down" and "be quiet," but she just didn't listen.

Mom and her three teenage daughters seated to my right.  The daughters felt the need to explain to mom what was happening, and identify every character when they entered.  I kept leaning forward and making eye contact with them, but they just didn't get the hint.

Thankfully the house manager was able to move me at intermission. While that gets me out of the situation, it still doesn't cause the troublemakers to be made aware that their behavior is disruptive.

It's almost like the house lights need to come down, and once the majority of the audience stops talking, start the pre-show announcement. Half of the time I don't hear them anymore, since most people keep talking and texting through them.

Do it almost like the movie theaters... some sort of low-frequency, soothing audio to get everyone to actually pay attention. Then a voiceover specifying not to talk. Not to whisper. Not to sing along.  Not to light up your phone's screen and text. Explain that the noise from your wrappers or food can be disruptive.  No cutesy announcements with "unwrap your candy now!" lines slipped in... people just laugh and think they're being encouraged to eat. 

Sadly, it all needs to be spelled out as plainly as possible before it might ever begin to sink in.

Updated On: 3/27/23 at 10:08 AM

[quizking101]

Posted: 3/27/23 at 10:33am

I don't mind the occasional whisper or "What did they say?", because sometimes, so much is going on on stage that a joke or lyric can be missed and that can take you out of it. It's when you start having full conversations/dissertations like a running commentary that it becomes a problem.

I really only find the most offenders at the well-known properties (Phantom, Hamilton) and the jukebox musicals catered to the older set (Neil Diamond, Ain't Too Proud, Jersey Boys were the biggest offenders). Oddly enough, people poo-poo the younger crowds, but both times I saw & JULIET and MOULIN ROUGE, it was the people around my age (28) that had the best etiquette.

[hearthemsing22]

Posted: 3/27/23 at 11:09am

quizking101 said: "I don't mind the occasional whisper or "What did they say?", because sometimes, so much is going on on stage that a joke or lyric can be missed and that can take you out of it. It's when you start having full conversations/dissertations like a running commentary that it becomes a problem.
 

Agreed. That quick question about not catching dialogue or a lyric is fine. But I went to a show recently where people had a full on whispered conversation throughout the whole show. On and off throughout the whole thing. I knew them so I tried to be understanding but it was so distracting and not okay. I don't know why they thought it was? 


I really only find the most offenders at the well-known properties (Phantom, Hamilton) and the jukebox musicals catered to the older set (Neil Diamond, Ain't Too Proud, Jersey Boys were the biggest offenders). Oddly enough, people poo-poo the younger crowds, but both times I saw & JULIET and MOULIN ROUGE, it was the people around my age (28) that had the best etiquette."