When Someone Overflows Onto Your Seat & Ruins The Show?

[wolfwriter]

I'm a pretty easy-going guy & can put up with a lot in the theater, from cell phones to folks eating Chinese food during the show. And, it takes a lot to make me angry, but tonight, I am so angry I could spit nails.

I saw Three Tall Women tonight. Or, at least, I tried to see Three Tall Women tonight. 

I paid a lot of money for an Orchestra seat. I was dead center. Great seat. Except the otherwise lovely person next to me was very large and took easily 1/3 of my tiny seat. I was pushed so far to my right that the poor man next to me was as trapped as I was. I'm 6'1", but I fit in my own seat. When I pay $100+ for a ticket (or $10, for that matter), I expect 100% of my seat.

I spent the entire show unable to move my entire left side. I had to hold my left arm across my body (and I have a painful strained bicep). I couldn't lift my Playbill to read before the show. I could hardly applaud afterward and standing was out of the question.

Edward Albee is my favorite playwright and tonight couldn't come soon enough. But, I spent more time pulled out of the play, than enjoying it (and I tried--hard). Between the pain and the odor of the individual, which came home with me (I took a shower when I got in and I still smell it), I was only partly invested in the show & looked forward to it being over.

I recognize the sensitivity involved and I could care less how small or large anyone is and I know the individual next to me was terribly uncomfortable, as well.

Sorry for the rant, but, I'm so upset, I don't know what to do. This only happened once before, but an usher let me move to any empty seat I wanted. Tonight was sold out so that wasn't an option.

Has anyone had this happen to them? What did you do? How should I have handled the situation? I would never want to hurt someone's feelings, but I'm not sure why I should have an experience ruined because of another audience member.

[haterobics]

I'd've bolted just before curtain and asked the house manager if there was anywhere else I could go?

As someone who is taking up a bit too much of my own seat at present, I do spend extra time and money booking aisles and ensuring that I'm never that person, so I'm always surprised when others just sort of book whatever and just go for it.

[wolfwriter]

haterobics said: "I'd've bolted just before curtain and asked the house manager if there was anywhere else I could go?

Good point. I didn't even consider that because it was sold out. But, they may have had another option.

My fault for not getting an aisle seat, I guess.

 

[GeorgeandDot]

What has happened to compassion? There's no reason to be mad about it and there's no reason to put anyone down in any way. We're all people and theatre seats are uncomfortable for everyone. If you're squished together, who cares? Make a friend. I've been next to larger people who spill over a bit into my seat. I don't let it bother me because it's absurd to let it bother you. I've noticed that they often try their best to make themselves as small as possible in order to be respectful of the people around them. Unless, they were purposefully spreading out, there's nothing that could have been done aside for not letting it ruin your experience.

[JudyDenmark]

This happened to me in Hello Dolly. The woman next to me was pressed against me so hard the whole time, and she was tapping her foot through the entire first act which in turn made my entire leg move up and down since I was wedged in. I (politely) said something to her at intermission and she stopped moving so much which made it way better, but it was still pretty unbearable. The people around me were gasping with delight at the show, and I was sitting there practically fuming because I was so uncomfortable and distracted.

I want to be sensitive as well, because I imagine that she was more uncomfortable than I was, but I am also with you that it sucks to pay so much for a ticket and expect a transformative night at the theatre, only to have to deal with an impossible to ignore distraction that inevitably ruins the experience. Not sure what the solution is (especially in a full house for something like Three Tall Women or Dolly where changing seats isn't really an option) but I'm sure that most of us at least commiserate. It's just lousy luck. 

[ghostlight2]

Sounds like an unfortunate situation, but you lost me at this:

"Between the pain and the odor of the individual, which came home with me (I took a shower when I got in and I still smell it), I was only partly invested in the show & looked forward to it being over."

Really? Not only did you have to take a shower because the person next to you smelled bad, but after the shower, you still smelled them?

C'mon.

[wolfwriter]

ghostlight2 said: "Sounds like an unfortunate situation, but you lost me at this:



Really? Not only did you had to take a shower because the person next to you smelled bad, but after the shower, you still smelled them?

C'mon."

 

I smell it as I'm writing this. It's probably just one of those things that gets in your nose and stays. The person smelled. It's an observation, not a criticism.

 

[haterobics]

wolfwriter said: "I smell it as I'm writing this. It's probably just one of those things that gets in your nose and stays."

Once the sexual musk of someone's pheromones triggers you, there is no way to stop them, except to comply. 

[greenifyme2]

I’ve had both happen to me. I think I’m just so used to being squashed on the subway by people every day that part doesn’t really phase me. But the SMELL. Ugh, it was awful. I was lucky I had on a scarf and I just wrapped it over my nose and mouth the entire show. If I had been alone I would have requested from the house manager to come back another day to watch the show, it was really bad. So I know what kind of smell you mean. Yuck.

[taylortrensch]

GeorgeandDot said: "What has happened to compassion? There's no reason to be mad about it and there's no reason to put anyone down in any way. We're all people and theatre seats are uncomfortable for everyone. If you're squished together, who cares? Make a friend. I've been next to larger people who spill over a bit into my seat. I don't let it bother me because it's absurd to let it bother you. I've noticed that they often try their best to make themselves as small as possible in order to be respectful of the people around them. Unless, they were purposefully spreading out, there's nothing that could have been done aside for not letting it ruin your experience."

Seriously? It's totally understandable to be bothered by someone else's fat spilling into your seat. Come on.

[GeorgeandDot]

No, because there's nothing to be done about it, so you can either except it or be a huge a-hole and make a scene. There's nothing to be mad about. The person can't lose 20 pounds by curtain. There's nothing to be done. Unless the person smells, I don't really care how close we are. Maybe because I grew up in New York and I'm used to being jammed next to strangers. Either way a little compassion is always good and I often feel like overweight people are one of the last few groups that it's still socially acceptable to openly hold a prejudice against.

[EthelMae]

You got me on that one. I'm used to getting into arguments these days at the theatre regarding cell phone texting, talking and thinking it's a good time to rummage through your bag during a performance. Not to mention constantly looking at your Playbill and watch (does anyone still wear a watch?) through the performance-happened to me at Dolly the other night.
But large people falling into your seat and bad hygiene-I'm at a loss. What can you do? As one here has sort of stated, you have to be considerate in such a situation. But paying $100+ a ticket makes it a tough go. I had it happen at the Easter Bonnet Competition the other day but I was comped in. Didn't make it any easier to be cramped and holding my breath periodically. I know I'll get some flack here but "we all have to live together happily" thoughts don't cut it when your expensive night is ruined. Luck of the draw, I guess.

[JudyDenmark]

GeorgeandDot said: "I often feel like overweight people are one of the last few groups that it's still socially acceptable to openly hold a prejudice against."

I don't think anyone here has a problem with the actual people! It's being mad at the situation, not the person for being overweight. No doubt that they are uncomfortable and probably embarrassed, and I feel empathy for that. But it also sucks to not be able to fully enjoy a show because of the physical experience.

I think it's like a baby crying on a plane. It's a baby who doesn't know any better, so there's certainly no blame. And there's only so much that parents can do, and I definitely feel compassion for any parents who are dealing with that crying baby. But it doesn't make it any less annoying. 

[BPfan81]

It's unfortunate that this happens sometimes, however, in a civilized society, this is what we have to do - bare with the problem. I'm sure there was a level of embarrassment that person probably experienced, I assume. Theaters were built in a time where obesity and weight issues were not as prevalent as they are today and I can see them being a problem for anyone over a particular weight. But, I don't have any excuse for those with poor hygiene - this is just unacceptable. 

Needless to say, for me it's always a taller person who sits directly in front of me that's always annoying. And I happen to always book aisle seats whether I go alone or not - I tend to loose my balance if I walk in between the rows of mezz seats when I go with friends.    

At least you have the boards to rant :) 

[wolfwriter]

GeorgeandDot said: "No, because there's nothing to be done about it, so you can either except it or be a huge a-hole and make a scene. There's nothing to be mad about. The person can't lose 20 pounds by curtain. There's nothing to be done. Unless the person smells, I don't really care how close we are. Maybe because I grew up in New York and I'm used to being jammed next to strangers. Either way a little compassion is always good and I often feel like overweight people are one of the last few groups that it's still socially acceptable to openly hold a prejudice against."

First off, the person had an odor, which I stated, but was not mean about. This is not a 20 pound issue. This was a 400 pound person, maybe more, who was with an equally large person. Stop with the "compassion" whine. I didn't insult anyone's weight and I don't really care what anyone looks like. But, when I have to physically hold my left arm across my body with my right arm for an hour and 45 minutes, because there is nowhere to put it down next to me, that's a problem, not to mention I have a painful left bicep strain and this didn't help.

I grew up here, too and I have never had an experience like this. It used to be that people would be self-aware and, as haterobics said, shown fellow audience members some thoughtfulness and purchased an aisle seat. But, the narcissism that has taken over, shielded under the PC guise of not mentioning something unpleasant is more than distasteful.

[kade.ivy]

I am morbidly obese and always try to book an aisle when possible. I couldn't get an aisle for the performances of Harry Potter and My Fair Lady I'm attending on my trip next month, so I imagine I will have to make do, pray my seat mates are super skinny, or request a standalone chair in the back of the house, which I've done before.

But I will say that the situation is uncomfortable for us large folks, too. It's uncomfortable having the seat squeeze into you and mortifying knowing you're probably making someone else uncomfortable. Comfort in the theater is one of my primary incentives for losing weight, though I have a long way to go and can't drop 100+ pounds in a month. So I sympathize with both parties, and please know that if it were a quick and easy fix, we'd do it, and that I'm working on the hard, long fix! 

[BPfan81]

EthelMae said: "You got me on that one. (does anyone still wear a watch?) "

I do. And I switch between the 7 I have every few days. But I'm not constantly pulling my sleeve every 5 minutes. Even if i get bored.

[wolfwriter]

JudyDenmark said:

I don't think anyone here has a problem with the actual people! It's being mad at the situation, not the person for being overweight.No doubt that they areuncomfortable and probably embarrassed, and I feel empathy for that. But it also sucks to not be able to fully enjoy a show because of the physical experience.

Exactly. I spoke briefly with them beforehand and they seemed quite lovely. I'm no more upset at them being overweight than I expect someone to be mad at me for being 6'1". That's also why I was looking for more positive ideas for the future & asked what I should have done or was there a way to  handle the situation that I hadn't considered. I would never want to hurt their feelings, but wanting ALL of the seat I paid for cannot possibly be too much to ask. Can it?

[GeorgeandDot]

Were they spreading out? If they were spreading out, lean towards them, crowd them, and they'll usually get the idea. There's nothing wrong with being "PC" and just being respectful of people's feelings. You clearly hate this person just because of who they are. Maybe there wasn't an aisle seat available. Should they just not see the show then? I don't think it's narcissism, but just the fact that sometimes aisle seats aren't available and sometimes sh*t happens and we have no control, so we get over it. I've been placed in seats where my knees were pressed up against a bar or something. I don't let it ruin my experience because I paid too much to have my experience ruined by something so ridiculous.

[wolfwriter]

GeorgeandDot said: "Were they spreading out? If they were spreading out, lean towards them, crowd them, and they'll usually get the idea. There's nothing wrong with being "PC" and just being respectful of people's feelings. You clearly hate this person just because of who they are.

Well, aren't you just a font of presumptuousness? I don't hate anyone and you know nothing about me, so stop projecting what you want to believe and creating your own alternative narrative because it suits whatever it is you're so bitter about.

I don't know those people so it would be difficult to hate them and, as a rule, I don't waste energy hating anyone and certainly not for being overweight.They weren't "spreading," they were easily 400+ pounds and there was nowhere for them to go, but you go on and make up your own story. I'll stick to mine.

 

[ghostlight2]

"I grew up here, too and I have never had an experience like this. It used to be that people would be self-aware and, as haterobics said, shown fellow audience members some thoughtfulness and purchased an aisle seat. But, the narcissism that has taken over, shielded under the PC guise of not mentioning something unpleasant is more than distasteful.

I recognize the sensitivity involved and I could care less how small or large anyone is and I know the individual next to me was terribly uncomfortable, as well."

You mean you've never had an experience other than the time you mentioned in your original post? And oh yes, how narcissistic those fat people are these days, smelly and overflowing into your seat, so thoughtless that they didn't buy an aisle seat.

"Sorry for the rant, but, I'm so upset, I don't know what to do. This only happened once before, but an usher let me move to any empty seat I wanted." 

 

[EthelMae]

Sorry GeorgeandDot-not to belabor this- but this and other disturbances during a usually expensive performance ain't ridiculous. I admit this situation we're talking about is a tough one. In a sold out house, what do you do? There's no where to go so you must put up with being uncomfortable for 2 hours or so. But this and texting, talking, making other unnecessary noises, reading the Playbill and watch staring takes you out of the experience not to mention having to get into fights and then trying to calm down and go back to the show. I've experienced all of these things and it plainly just sucks.
I say all this because the theatre is the place I most love to be in.

[JPeterman]

haterobics said: "wolfwriter said: "I smell it as I'm writing this. It's probably just one of those things that gets in your nose and stays."

Once the sexual musk of someone's pheromones triggers you, there is no way to stop them, except to comply."

 

Thank you haterobics ...... for the funniest thing I have heard in quite awhile.  This was one of your best comments of all time.  I laughed so hard I almost piddled myself.

 

[ScottyDoesn'tKnow2]

If the show was sold out, then there's a great possibility that an aisle seat was not available when they bought their tickets. I know you were trying to be polite by not touching them even though I find in those cramped theatre seats that body contact is inevitable some times, but the way you described it with the whole having to hold out your left arm with your right hand across your body the whole night to avoid any contact with them makes it seem like you were truly disgusted with the person next to you. I don't think you were lying about them smelling, but it seems so exaggerated. Not saying it's not true but since none of us were with you to corroborate the story, it just reads that way. I think some are bit mindful about the things you wrote because overweight people have all sorts of stigmas, including the popular they stink and have B.O.

[ghostlight2]

"I recognize the sensitivity involved and I could care less how small or large anyone is"

I believe you meant you couldn't care less (an odd mistake for someone whose screen name includes the word "writer" ), but your recognition of sensitivity is not well supported by your saying this:

"Stop with the "compassion" whine."

What is it, exactly, that you think you are doing with this post?