BWW Recap: All Over Alicia's Mind on THE GOOD WIFE

I'm conflicted.

Actually, I'm crying into my housemate's shoulder. It wasn't Will. It wasn't Will! Why would they do that? Why would they let us into Alicia's mind and have some shadow Will say some shadow Will lines in some shadow Will memory inside Alicia's head?

Alicia's Mind's Eye, if you will.

And there's the thing. The trade off for finally getting a look into Alicia Florrick's head is that a lot has changed since we met our good wife six seasons ago. A LOT. And yet - in some ways, nothing at all. Alicia Florrick is still our Saint, our unfathomably good wife, even if her lover is dead, and even if this viewer thought they might have filmed something with Josh Charles that meant I didn't get almost Will Gardner. Something in the archives, something in the tapes of rooftops and white sheets floating that was real. Something to make up for my favourite character dying one season ago, and how I've stuck with Alicia Florrick ever since because I think it's important to have a show where the lens is on the woman no matter what, and she's not defined by her love affairs, and there aren't enough women in the spotlight after-all - where the light is on their career achievements, not their looks at least, and it's International Women's Day, people. So why do I still care about Will Gardner? Why do I care that Mind's Eye, and its promise to take us inside the thoughts of Alicia Florrick left me bereft? Left me wanting my Will back.

Wanting my Alicia with my Will back.

I am going to have to watch this episode again.

It isn't an episode of much consequence. Just 43 or so minutes inside Alicia's head, which oh-say-every-viewer has wanted ever since our girl shut us out in the very first episode, and we've had to fight like crazy to get back in. What does she think of Peter? What does she think of Kalinda? What does she think of Peter and Kalinda? Now we know, and it turns out most of what goes on in Alicia's head is simplistically high school-ish. Cartoonish, even. In Alicia's world, there is good and bad, and not much in between. There are looming, Council of Elders types judging her decisions, and her sexual life is distinctly passive. She's shocked by her fantasies, alarmed even, when her subconscious replaces Johnny Elfman with Finn in a pg-rated daydream while she's supposed to be thinking of work. Not much to be shocked by, but Alicia Florrick is oh-my-god-ing all the same.

In all of it, Alicia is taken over. Not taking over. Anyone who thinks her flights of fancy signal depth of feeling for Elfman over Finn Polmar - or indeed for Peter or Will - is missing the point. I'll never get over Alicia and Will and elevators - um, why would I. But the truth is, Alicia is not comfortable with any of her desires, and it turns out, she never has been, not even when she is ostensibly free.

A look into her mind's eye, and all we have is confirmation of her confliction.

Did I tell you anything about this episode?

Things happened. Things got confirmed. Alicia is a confirmed atheist. She just doesn't believe, and she feels bad about that too, and she knows her lack of faith is possibly influencing her very-easily-influenced Grace. She also feels bad about her relationship with her son, Zach. Zach, who disappointed her by essentially living her very own values, and not apologising for them (apart from the fact that Nisa was only 15 when they got pregnant. Wait? What?!).

I am going to have to watch this episode again.

She said goodbye to Will. But it wasn't Will. Or Josh Charles. Who was Will. Is Will. I feel ripped off. Crying into my housemate's shoulder. They were supposed to give him back to me tonight, inside Alicia's mind - at least for a moment. But that's the thing with losing what you love. It doesn't always come back, or not the way you think it will. Sometimes your mind's eye doesn't see the past clearly at all. Sometimes almost everything looks different than what you remember.

In which case, perhaps it is better not to remember at all ...

I need a moment. I feel like we just said goodbye and it wasn't my idea of goodbye at all. How about you? Did you make it through Alicia's Mind's Eye a little less emotionally bothered than I did??

Photo Credit: CBS