When you've started talking about the weather it's usually a sign that your date's not going very well. Unless, of course, you're on a date with Lady Guenevere. The way Lerner and Loewe wrote her in the musical Camelot, the chick seems to have a bit of a weather fetish. Think of it. When we first see her she's so disgusted at the thought of getting married that she runs away in the middle of a forest. But how does Arthur win her over? He sings a song about how nice the weather is in his kingdom. All he's gotta do is tell her "The winter is forbidden till December" and "The rain may never fall till after sundown" and she's all hot for a royal wedding. Need further proof? Look how Lancelot steals her heart away in Act II. He sings "If Ever I Would Leave You", a song that actually names all four seasons! When the musical climax occurs at "Oh no, not in springtime, summer, winter or fall..." the queen's been worked up into such a medieval, female Viagra frenzy she's willing to dump a wealthy king who gives her everything for some dude who writes rhyming couplets about himself and fights jousts for a living.
WARNING: I AM ABOUT TO DISCUSS THE ENDING OF THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE. If you've yet to see this award winning stage musical and wish to feel the full dramatic impact of its plot when you do attend, I suggest you skip this column. I TAKE NO FURTHER RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY DECREASED ENJOYMENT YOU MAY HAVE WHILE ATTENDING A PERFORMANCE OF THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE.
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