Student Blog: Act One: Moving to University of Utah

It’s a pretty big ask to expect an eighteen-year-old to know what he wants to do for the rest of his life. I’ve only lived through eighteen autumns, eighteen birthdays, and I don’t even remember most of those. The future used to terrify me, but moving to college taught me that change doesn’t have to be.  

Theatre has been a massive part of my life. I began performing in community theatre at seven years old and never looked back. Theatre is where my people are, and where the best version of myself is. Despite all the joy I feel while onstage, I have never been confident in pursuing a performance career. I am frightened that once I start to depend on theatre for money, the thrill and excitement of it may be replaced with anxiety. I want performance to be a part of my life, rather than my work life. Community theatre has always been so fulfilling to me. The thought of having a little show on the side, while I work professionally in administration or in an office, seems like a great fit for me. 

At the beginning of this year, while I was wrapping up my senior year at Lewis and Clark High School, every day felt like a ticking doomsday clock. I had applied to thirteen different colleges in a variety of majors. I applied to all these schools to cast a wide net, and also because I wasn’t really sure what I wanted my life to look like. ‘This decision will impact the rest of my life. What if I choose wrong?’ I would think to myself.  

After a lot of back and forth, in March, I made my commitment to the University of Utah in Salt Lake City to major in business. The idea of being minutes away from the beautiful mountains that surround Salt Lake, skiing whenever I want, and being less than a mile away from the city seemed so thrilling to me. And when I was offered a student-athlete position, that is what sealed the deal.  

But as the weeks went by, the ticking doomsday clock didn’t go away. The idea of moving to a different state with none of my friends or family there became increasingly daunting. Not just that, but majoring in business seemed like a good idea, but would it make me happy? 

 In the event that I hated all my business schoolwork, I decided to register for an acting class for a semester to fulfill my fine arts general education credit and for my sanity. 

 A few days before my move-in day, was the closing of a play I worked on over the summer, Torch Song with Theater on the Verge. One of my cast members asked me how I felt about moving in a few days. In that moment, a rush of emotion swept me away. Why was I leaving my home, where I feel safe, where people know me, to go to freaking UTAH? I felt so much regret for something that I hadn't even experienced yet. 

It’s hard to illustrate what those first few days on campus were like. My mind was full of insecurity and anxiety walking around campus. People seeing my face for the first time seemed like a scary thing. But then I thought about how many times I’ve been onstage singing in front of hundreds of random people. Please, this is nothing! It is insane how the teenage brain can create false ideas of fear.  

The post-show blues from Torch Song were hitting me especially hard the first few weeks of school, because I knew it would be a long time before I would be in a production again due to my busy schedule with classes and being a student-athlete. My acting class was going well, but I was still concerned about the lack of theatre in my life. Theatre had been my whole world leading up to moving to Utah, and two hours a week being lectured about it was not fulfilling. Within the first few weeks of school, I met with an academic advisor to hear about my options. A theatre minor should do the trick! The theatre minor requires me to take a theatre class nearly every semester, allowing me to get a healthy dose of art, while allowing time for my busy schedule. As soon as I was officially registered as a theatre minor, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. While my business classes are quite interesting, and I think I’m going to stick with it, it is so reassuring to know that I can continue my theatre journey into my adulthood. 

Currently in my acting class we are working on our final scenes for the semester. My professor assigned a classmate and I to do a scene from I Hate Hamlet. I have really enjoyed the class so far. Revisiting the acting basics has been really beneficial for me to fine tune my performance skills. Not to mention knowing that I have an outlet for my creativity, that theatre will always be there for me to express myself and let loose is so comforting.  

Every day, being on my own gets easier. While Salt Lake doesn't quite feel like home yet, the positive experiences and connections I make with people every day make Utah feel like a cool place to be. Not to mention, ski season is just around the corner! I still don’t know exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I do know that theatre will be part of every version of it.