Patrick Marmion

Normally such hits need a star, and here that star is surely the costume. Stepping out onto the Paddington station stage, the golden-fleeced, forest-dwelling Peruvian asylum seeker triggers waves of rapturous delight.

Effort cannot be faulted – except there's way too much of it in a laborious evening pushing three hours… The upshot is rambling raunch, musical cliche and automated whooping. May it rest in peace.

Music and lyrics by Alan Menken and David Zippel are audaciously bland. And with the five gospel-singing muses adding diva-ish decibels, I couldn't make out what they were singing. All these moments lack the power and pageantry of Disney's other theatrical hit, The Lion King. Simba's underpowered sibling needs to go back to the gym and bulk up.

James Macdonald’s production looks slick, behind a neon arch which forms the edge of a Sydney Opera House shell fitted with a succession of furnishings — sofa, bench, bed etc. Setting up a curious yarn, it’s quite cute and rather long-winded in its cosy anguish. But for all its fearless talk about sex and relationship fluidity, it heads towards a mushy, sentimental end that not all viewers will find intriguing.

Besides, the costumes are works of such glam-rock excess – including spontaneously inflating angel wings – that at times, it borders on a drag queen parade. The only problem is that the whole titanic creation teeters on a flimsy, saccharine love story between an obsolete young steam train, Rusty, and a prettily upholstered carriage, Pearl.

Thank God also for Rufus Wainwright's music. True, it sometimes dwindles into semi-tonal burbling. But it also explodes with the singer-songwriter's gift for doomed glory. A spectacular duet with Nicola Hughes as an exasperated writer character even brought to mind the brassy swagger of All That Jazz, the 1979 film starring Roy Scheider. More than anything though, it's thanks to the emotional wattage of Smith's voice that the show really soars. To quote the lyrics of one of her early numbers, she makes 'magic out of tragic'.