Highlights from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S 'Weekend Update' with Cecily Strong & Colin Jost
"WEEKEND UPDATE" CECILY STRONG - "President Obama this week signed a series of new executive orders intended to strengthen equal pay laws for women Those who support the measure say that it is a step forward for women in the workplace, while those who oppose it can be seen Sunday nights on AMC."
"WEEKEND UPDATE" COLIN JOST - "Kim Jong Un this week was reelected as leader of North Korea winning 100% of the vote, easily defeating his challenger: Or Else."
JOST - "During a speech Hillary Clinton was giving Thursday in Las Vegas, a female protestor threw a shoe at her. And it's amazing that police were able to identify her, considering how many ladies in Vegas are walking around with one shoe.
STRONG - "This week marks the 50th anniversary of the classic Walt Disney World ride "It's a Small World." The ride features over 300 animatronic children, united in the shared goal of perpetuating stereotypes."
STRONG - "Kevin Federline, Britney Spears' ex husband, this week became a father for the sixth time. So if you see him, let him know."
JOST - "It was announced this week that in an upcoming issue of Life With Archie, the main character Archie Andrews will die, following a lifelong struggle with Blue balls."
JOST - "Katherine Heigl this week sued drug store chain Duane Reade for 6 million dollars after the store tweeted a paparazzi photo of her leaving one of their stores. Worse, it was after her shift."
STRONG - "Plans were announced this week for the world's first Ferrari Hotel to open in Spain in 2016 in the new Ferrari Land theme park. It is the only theme park where your penis must be this small to ride the rides."
STRONG - "A dog in New York City, who got on the tracks of a Metro North Line, raced ahead of the train from the South Bronx to Manhattan before it was rescued. More amazing - it did it on a handcar."
JOST - "A North Carolina man who admitted to sucking on a woman's toes at a shopping center was sentenced to a month in jail. Where he is expected to do very well."
JOST - "A topless Florida woman wearing only bikini bottoms was arrested in a local McDonalds after she was told to put on clothes then went on a rampage overturning cash registers and eating ice cream directly from the soft serve machine. As a result, she has been demoted to assistant manager."