The reasons people tolerate chronic complainers, drama queens and crisis junkies may be surprising, according to Paula Renaye, award-winning author of the acclaimed new self-help book, Living the Life You Love: The No-Nonsense Guide to Total Transformation. Known for her compassionate tough-love approach, Renaye offers a frank and fresh perspective to relationship dynamics and reveals why the situations may not be as straightforward as they seem.

According to Renaye, complaining isn't always a sign that someone is seeking a solution for the problem and, surprisingly, the opposite may be true. "Complaining is a great way to pretend you're doing something about your problems," she says. "But it's really just a way to blow off enough steam so you can continue to tolerate what you know you need to change."

Even more surprising are the possible reasons for interacting with chronic complainers and crisis junkies. "We all need sympathy and commiseration at times," Renaye says. "But there's a big difference between helping someone over a bump in the road and listening to the same old complaints and wallowing in the dramas with them. So, why do it?"

The answer, she says, is in understanding the personal motivations and payoffs the situation provides. She recommends an honest self-evaluation and offers a variety of potential reasons for maintaining drama-laden relationships. Some possibilities are:

  • Opportunities to experience dramatic situations without having to live them firsthand.
  • A way to feel self-satisfaction for successfully solving problems without having to implement the solutions.
  • Focusing on others' problems provides a distraction from addressing unresolved personal issues.
  • The interaction assuages guilt or fulfills a responsibility or obligation.
  • It's the "nice" thing to do.
  • It's easier to tolerate the drama than speak up and risk rejection and loss.
  • The relationship fulfills the desire to feel needed.

Renaye emphasizes that recognizing the reason for participating in the drama is the key to disengaging from it. However, she cautions that no longer participating in the drama will change the dynamics of the relationship. "If you don't let chronic complainers complain, they will likely go find someone who will," says Renaye. "If so, that doesn't mean you've lost a friend. It just means you never really had one."

Renaye's frank yet compassionate approach is the foundation of her new book, Living the Life You Love: The No-Nonsense Guide to Total Transformation, which challenges readers to look at themselves and their problems from a different perspective. Named to Kirkus Reviews' Best of 2012, the all-in-one self-therapy guide provides a template for self-discovery and life direction, and it is widely endorsed by mental health, medical and other professionals.

Diomo Books ( is a small publishing company established in 1999. Diomo Books titles have won awards in both fiction and nonfiction.

Paula Renaye is a tough-love media expert, empowerment speaker, certified professional coach and five-time award-winning author. Her new personal development book, Living the Life You Love: The No-Nonsense Guide to Total Transformation, received a starred review, was selected as a critics' pick and was named to Kirkus Reviews' Best of 2012. For more information about Renaye and her work, visit

Living the Life You Love: The No-Nonsense Guide to Total Transformation by Paula Renaye is available at neighborhood and online bookstores in both paperback and digital formats. Trade Paperback • 5 ½ x 8 ½ • 288 pages • $15.95
Paperback ISBN: 978-0-9674786-9-2 • eBook ISBN: 978-0-9674786-8-5

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