Sneaky Sister Basically Attempts to Out Me

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ClumsyDude15
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My horrible 13 year old sister snuck on my laptop while I was out and logged on my AIM screename, and asked my friends including a BWWer if I was gay: I read the conversations and I fear she will out me to my entire family. I have no idea what to do, I fear my family rejecting me if I accept it, and fear they will send me packing. I am feeling so betrayed and hurt, and upset, I feel like I could just cry myself to sleep. I have no qualms with who I am, I just didnt want to be outed like this! Anyone with any advice, please. I'd greatly apperciate it.
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nitsua
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Can you try to talk to her about it? Bribe her with candy if you have to.
"Writing is like prostitution. First, you do it for love, then you do it for a few friends, and finally you do it for money." ~ Moliere
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I have nothing to bribe her with. I'm flat broke till Friday and I cannot deal with her, she already THINKS I am and her conversation with the BWWer was all about her attempting to get him to tell her if I was, and if he was my boyfriend.

I literally just went into the bathroom and cried. I feel like I should just admit to it, but I just fear the rejection.
Phyllis Rogers Stone
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Well, it's very possible they've already suspected it (your parents, I mean. You're sister cleary already has).

I don't know, though. We don't know enough about your family life to really advise you. How old are you? When did you come out to yourself?

Who ARE you out to, besides people on BWW? Friends? Teachers? Are there any adults in your life who already know? A relative? You're going to need to talk to someone and soon, whether it's your sister or someone else and come up with some sort of damage control.

Or you could come home from school tomorrow will a girl and make out with her on the couch.
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You post on BWW and love Wicked, and your NOT out?!

If your 13 year old sister suspects it enough to go through with that, then I doubt that you are hiding it that well...

It's 2008, be out, loud, and proud!
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#5
Posted: 2/5/08 at 12:59am
Updated On: 1/27/09 at 12:59 AM
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Trust me, everyone already knows.
....but the world goes 'round
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Phyllis Rogers Stone: I am out to many of my friends and several others, not a relative yet, although, my aunt should know, she is always with me and has seen me around people and how I act so I assume she knows, I should just flat out tell her and get it over with. I am pretty sure my sister and younger brother have already suspected. My father is an asshole, and I fear he would kick me out, sure, I'm 19, and I should move out, but I am in community college, and fear being homeless for being who I am. He has been a constant force of sadness and strife in my life, I have never been good enough for him, and this would just be the ulimate disappointment to him. And my mother keeps telling me to join EHarmony or find a girlfriend, and I just go silent and she gets mad thinking I'm ignoring her. I also had two awkard conversations with her where I attempted to tell her, when she asked me about EHarmony once I said "Mom, just because I don't have a boyfriend---." and I turned bright pink and she looked at me, so I think she KNOWS, she just doesnt want to ACCEPT and another she got very offended at the idea. My siblings are jerks and have been calling me a fag for awhile, so them it would be no surprise.

Midnight Radio: HaHa. That was actually kind of funny. I want to but like I said, I don't want to be kicked out for being who I am. I may just have to come out.. and COME OUT! re: Sneaky Sister Basically Attempts to Out Me. Yeah, my friends said "We always knew" which made go "Wow, how transparent am I?". haha.

LePetiteFromage: I have my aunt, who I am going to speak to later on today and just flat out say it, I think she already knows, so it should be like yeah. I set a password last night. With no hint, she is NOT going back on there ever again.

tazber: Yeah, they probably do, but I dunno. I fear my father's rath.

I literally sat last night and cried myself to sleep fearing what my sister had told my mother and would tell my father.

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It's a very tough thing to have to deal with clumsy, but there are a lot of people on here who have been through being outed. Maybe some of them will be able to offer advice to you.

One of the most important things to try and do is not let their reactions make you ever feel like anything less than the wonderful person you are.

Whatever happens, it will all work out in the end and hopefully you'll gain a sense of empowerment and self realization from it.
Be strong and don't ever apologize for who you are.
....but the world goes 'round
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tazber: Thank you.
I do love who I am, and I love being who I am.
And I know once I let the cat out of the bag, it will be a hell of alot easier to be happy.
I may just have to flat out say and get it out and off my chest so I feel better.

I just don't understand why my sister wouldn't just ASK me, she had to ask my friends, who by the way, knew it WASNT me and that I am, they knew exactly how to play it, so she got very little information. My favorite part was the conversation she had with the BWWer, who lead her into circles: She kept naming kids I went to school with like Justin, and he said "Yes, I'm Justin Timberlake." or John and he said "Yes, I'm John Edwards." It was hysterical. re: Sneaky Sister Basically Attempts to Out Me
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I am sorry this is happening, but when it is all over you will be fine. It is possible your father's wrath is based on the fact the he KNOWS, so what would actually bringing it out into the open change? It could lead to a more open discussion and perhaps he will come to accept it if he sees you are confident and proud to be who you are.
Do you really think he would kick you out? Would your mother allow it?
Don't be to hard on your sister. She is just being a teen, curious and titillated and proud of her Nancy Drew skills. Talk to her honestly, and tell her you feel violated and if she had wanted to know, she could have just asked you.

This will all blow over and you will be fine. Good luck and don't worry too much.

Now, who WAS this BWW poster?
PEACE.
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SueleenGay: He has always disliked me since before I even thought about anything like being out, he has always found me to be a disappointment. He has thrown me out MANY times before for silly reasons like leaving the phone off the hook and him thinking I was on the internet to me just calling him a bastard for trying to hit me. My mother is sort of powerless to him, she tries, but she's not a strong enough person to stop him, he has his way and he wants it that way. I don't blame her, I just am angry she wouldn't just ASK me instead of freaking going and snooping around. Thank you for the support! re: Sneaky Sister Basically Attempts to Out Me

haha. SNLMedia. The amazing SNLMedia. re: Sneaky Sister Basically Attempts to Out Me
Updated On: 2/5/08 at 09:44 AM
Phyllis Rogers Stone
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Oh no, honey, I wasn't suggesting you move out or anything. I know that family dynamics can be tricky and I'd never blindly advocated I just wasn't sure if you were still in high school or not. There's nothing shameful about being 19 and living at home while you're going to school.

Honestly, I think you should start by talking to your sister. Unless you and she have a terrible relationship, the best place to start is with her, since she's either got the "power" (or you perceive her to have power because of what she may or may not know). Maybe just try and feel it out; see what she knows, what she thinks she knows.

I do hate to say this, but if you ARE that worried about your parents' reactions you may want to have some sort of contingency plan set up in case things get ugly. Just have a friend or a relative lined up that you can crash with should the sh*t hit the fan and you need to get out of there for a while.

I'm sorry you're in this position, kiddo. Keep us posted, though.
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Phyllis Rogers Stone: Yeah. I am gonna have a little chat with her after work tonight. I am working on a plan on what to do if things get ugly, for months now, my dad has been urging me to move in with my grandpa and aunt for awhile now, just for reasons of his own unknown to me. So yes, I am working on a Plan B as it were. I am going to speak with my mother later and hopefully find common ground with her, she has gay friends, so she shouldnt be too upset, maybe more dissapointed than anything else. But yeah, I shall most certainly keep you posted.

You know, when I first joined BWW.com back in 2005, I never would have thought the people who made fun of me for loving Wicked and All Shook Up would be calming my fears about a big step I am about to make in my life. BWW truly is an amazing place full of amazing people. re: Sneaky Sister Basically Attempts to Out Me
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Well, there are plenty of things that are mockable about EVERYONE on this site, but I think most of us also know that there are times when it's important to just rally behind someone who needs support. :)

Just breathe. Sometimes stuff like this actually turns out to be nothing at all. Of course, sometimes it's a powder keg, but we'll all hope for the former.
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Phyllis Rogers Stone: This is true. Mockablity should be a requirement to join this site. re: Sneaky Sister Basically Attempts to Out Me

I most certainly hope it is not a powder keg.
I think I need to home and watch Legally Blonde from MTV and just breath.
Then go to work and then deal with it. re: Sneaky Sister Basically Attempts to Out Me
Phyllis Rogers Stone
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I think I need to home and watch Legally Blonde from MTV and just breath.

How can they NOT know you're gay? re: Sneaky Sister Basically Attempts to Out Me
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"I think I need to home and watch Legally Blonde from MTV and just breath.

How can they NOT know you're gay?"

I know!
I am ALWAYS talking about a different musical
and BASICALLY swooning about Cheyenne all the time!
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Wow--a very similar thing happened to me in high school--of course, this was back in the Pony Express days, when we had letters instead of email, but my brother went through my love notes from a boy I liked.

Granted, he never said anything, but I knew he knew.

I would also make a plan to stay somewhere else in case your dad goes nuclear.

This is a weird time for parents and kids--you're trying to find your freedom and independence--they want you to stay a kid--it's a classic struggle.

I'm over 30 and only recently came out to the folks--my dad is still trying to get me to like girls! Mother is way more cool...

And watching LEGALLY BLONDE can't possibly make anything better--except maybe TABOO.
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Clumsy-I just want to tell you that my heart goes out to you. Reading your posts has really touched me and made the plight of a gay child who's afraid of what his parents will do to him for simply existing the way he was made, so much more real to me than ever before.

I'm in no position to offer advice in this area, but as Phyllis pointed out, no matter what other silly threads have come before, this problem transcends any petty arguments and is serious and important. I feel good knowing that you have the wonderful gay members here to support you.

I wish you well and look forward to hearing that it wasn't nearly as bad as you thought it might be.
<-----I'M TOTES ROLLING MY EYES
Updated On: 2/5/08 at 10:51 AM
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Your father tries to hit you? He threw you out of the house for leaving the phone off the hook?

It sounds to me like you need to use a contingency plan regardless of whether your snoopy sister blabs or not. That doesn't sound like a very healthy environment.
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Go live with the lesbian aunt!
And we may mock about taste in musicals, but never about something like this.

How is your sister's relationship with Daddy? Is it possible that she is looking for something that will make you look worse to him than she does? "Yea, Dad, I might be having sex with my boyfriend, but at least I am not GAY!!!!"
PEACE.
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I'm going to give you some advice that everyone else will hate.

If confronted by your sister or your family, Lie. "me? Gay? No way! I love the ****!" Until you can safely provide for yourself and have a place to live, lie. Do whatever it takes to stay safe. Rent a locker somewhere to stash everything gay and get a subscription to Playboy. Ask your dad for $50 cause you are taking Janie Sue to the hockey game and need to buy condoms for after.

Then when you're done with school and out on your own, bring your man to the Fathers day cookout. Ask Mom which concealer she recommends. Tell your sister that she's just jealous cause you get all the cute guys. Give everyone the Clay Aiken Christmas CD. Make them all as miserable as they made you.
No good can possibly come from using this vast wasteland of error and deliberate deceit. You should get off of it and warn others away. You should make sure your children and grandchildren know what a corrupt and morally bankrupt institution it truly is.
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I like the fact that you feel you can talk to your Aunt -- because you definitely need the confidence of another adult. And frankly, it sounds like the real issue is that your father is abusive. That has absolutely nothing to do with you. Its him. Is there another adult, another parent or a counselor at school that's cool enough to talk to?