Well, I think I've found my new audition monologue. By the time I get to "It also causes you to be dry and all too oft we fulfil the exact," they'll be weeping.
These are almost as good as those "most benevolent and admired person in China" full page ads in the Times.
"Carson has combined his passion for helping children with his love for one of Cincinnati's favorite past times - cornhole - to create a unique and exciting event perfect for a corporate outing, entertaining clients or family fun."