LATE SHOW's Top Ten 'Signs Your Pilot Is a Fake'

Below, check out THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN - "Signs Your Pilot Is a Fake", as presented on the Tuesday, March 26 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with David Letterman, seen weeknights (11:35 PM-12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.

10. His wrinkled Pan Am uniform.

9. Excitedly tells you it's his first time on a plane.

8. During takeoff, furiously flaps his arms.

7. He's also in the Skymall magazine modeling hats.

6. Refers to every control in the cockpit as a "doo-hickey."

5. Insists on patting down each passenger himself.

4. "Flies" you from Gate 3 to Gate 4.

3. Wanders through cabin collecting "gas money."

2. When he thanks you for flying, his mustache falls off.

1. He can't hold his liquor.

The Late Show with David Letterman is a presentation of Worldwide Pants Incorporated. Barbara Gaines, Matt Roberts, Jude Brennan, Maria Pope, Eric Stangel, Justin Stangel and Rob Burnett are the executive producers.

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