I need some cheering up

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sesot
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I need some cheering up#1
Posted: 2/6/08 at 8:54pm
Today was such a downer. I had a job interview that went extremely well, they liked me and I liked them. The problem was the benefits suck- it would cost me almost $430 a month for medical benefits and the salary won't allow me to afford that. This means i am back on the job hunt again. I need to get out of my current job so bad, but really need a position with medical benefits. Anyways, I need some good cheer- anyone know any good jokes, or tunes that just make you smile?
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nitsua
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re: I need some cheering up#2
Posted: 2/6/08 at 8:58pm
http://youtube.com/watch?v=KU3N5c2Kxnw

Forgot to say that sometimes life sucks, but there's always tomorrow. Have a nice rest tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling that you can do anything. You'll go on the hunt and get the job you've been waiting for.

And have a few of these!
re: I need some cheering up
"Writing is like prostitution. First, you do it for love, then you do it for a few friends, and finally you do it for money." ~ Moliere
Updated On: 2/6/08 at 08:58 PM
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StageManager2
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re: I need some cheering up#2
Posted: 2/6/08 at 8:59pm
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Salve, Regina, Mater misericordiae
Vita, dulcedo, et spes nostra
Salve, Salve Regina
Ad te clamamus exsules filii Eva
Ad te suspiramus, gementes et flentes
O clemens O pia
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tazber
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re: I need some cheering up#3
Posted: 2/6/08 at 9:01pm
Q: What do tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A: They both want a tight seal.
....but the world goes 'round
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sesot
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re: I need some cheering up#4
Posted: 2/6/08 at 9:09pm
Thanks Guys, It's working. Keep them coming!

Nitsua thanks for the kind words too. I have already opted for some chocolate to help too.
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re: I need some cheering up#5
Posted: 2/6/08 at 9:09pm
This guy walks in to the kitchen holding out his palm in which there is a pile of dog doo, and says to his wife-"Look what I almost stepped in!"
<-----I'M TOTES ROLLING MY EYES
wexy
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re: I need some cheering up#6
Posted: 2/6/08 at 9:30pm
A priest, a nun and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says "Is this a joke?."
'Take me out tonight where's there's music and there's people and they're young and alive.'
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re: I need some cheering up#7
Posted: 2/6/08 at 9:35pm
You just reminded me of this one, wexy-

An Italian, a German and a Jew were together on a hot day. "I'm so thirsty, I must have some wine" said the Italian guy. "I'm so thirsty, I must have a beer" stated the German guy. "I'm so thirsty, I must have diabetes" said the Jew.
<-----I'M TOTES ROLLING MY EYES
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re: I need some cheering up#8
Posted: 2/6/08 at 9:38pm
Oy vay, THAT Henny Youngman...?
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re: I need some cheering up#9
Posted: 2/6/08 at 10:01pm
This is a true story (it happened at my first job out of college):

I worked for a very small company and there was a superstitious, middle-aged Italian woman in accounting. One morning at work she comes in and the first thing she says is, "I saw 2 nuns on my way to work, so something bad is going to happen."

Me: Rita, whatever do you mean?

Rita: Well, one nun is good luck, two is bad luck, and three means a surprise.

Shortly thereafter the office manager called Rita into her office and terminated her employment with the company.

Rita was a very nice woman, but we couldn't help but laugh since she probably thought that she got fired because of the nuns (and not because of the lousy job she was doing)!!
Hey Dottie! Did your colleagues enjoy the cake even though your cat decided to sit on it? ~GuyfromGermany
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Mr Roxy
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re: I need some cheering up#10
Posted: 2/6/08 at 10:10pm
What is Smokey the Bears middle name?

The
Poster Emeritus
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tazber
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re: I need some cheering up#11
Posted: 2/6/08 at 10:13pm
Dottie, is the position still open? How are the benefits there? I hear sesot's looking for a job.
....but the world goes 'round
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re: I need some cheering up#12
Posted: 2/6/08 at 10:16pm
Tazber, that was in 1986!! I'm not even sure the company still exists.
Hey Dottie! Did your colleagues enjoy the cake even though your cat decided to sit on it? ~GuyfromGermany
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tazber
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re: I need some cheering up#13
Posted: 2/6/08 at 10:19pm
Sorry sesot, I tried.
....but the world goes 'round
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re: I need some cheering up#14
Posted: 2/6/08 at 10:32pm
yikes, $430 a month just for you for medical? That's insane, I pay $256 per month for 2 of us.

Hang in there, your perfect job will come along.
It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story... AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956
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re: I need some cheering up#15
Posted: 2/6/08 at 10:56pm
I'm going through the same schibazza, sesot. I hate it. After a dozen job interviews and false starts (thanks, outsourcing) I opted to freelance and pay for my own insurance, but I can't find a monthly premium that's lower than $500! It's stressing me out.
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re: I need some cheering up#16
Posted: 2/6/08 at 11:19pm
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?






Fo' drizzle.
Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson
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re: I need some cheering up#17
Posted: 2/6/08 at 11:39pm
Oh, sesot, you need something to cheer you up?

YOU HAVE A JOB!

(did that help?)
PEACE.
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sesot
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re: I need some cheering up#18
Posted: 2/7/08 at 1:36am
Thanks everyone for your kind words, jokes, etc. They definitely made me smile. And sadly sueleen- no it doesn't help that I have a current job- everyone is quiting because the boss is an evil witch and that is being nice. The place is falling apart and i am not sure how long it will last, hence why I am looking for a new job. If only I could find a husband/sugar daddy than my problem would be resolved :)
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re: I need some cheering up#19
Posted: 2/7/08 at 6:26am
....but the world goes 'round
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re: I need some cheering up#20
Posted: 2/7/08 at 6:30am
What a great site, Taz!

Thanks!
"Winning a Tony this year is like winning Best Attendance in third grade: no one will care but the winner and their mom."
-Kad

"I have also met him in person, and I find him to be quite funny actually. Arrogant and often misinformed, but still funny."
-bjh2114 (on Michael Riedel)
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re: I need some cheering up#21
Posted: 2/7/08 at 12:00pm
Ye Olde Light bulb jokes:

How many congregation members does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against
the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and
off.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say
how much they liked the old one better.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him
how to do it.

Unitarians: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or
against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey
you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are
invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal
relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our
annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number
of light bulb traditions, including incandescent,fluorescent,
three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths
to luminescence."

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and two or three
committees to approve the change. Oh, and also one to provide a
casserole.

Methodists: (see Baptists)

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.


How Many Republicans Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?


Four hundred and seventy one:

12 to investigate Clinton's involvement in the failure of the old bulb,

23 to deregulate the light bulb industry,

16 to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D,

34 to cut the marginal tax rate on high-wattage light bulbs,

9 to threaten trade sanctions if Germany and Japan don't start
buying more 110-volt bulbs,

53 to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb,

41 to chat with defense contractors about equipping everyone in the
building with night-vision gear instead, and

283 to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs, or
screwing anything, on the Internet.

"I'm an American, Damnit!!! And if it's three things I don't believe in, it's quitting and math."
Updated On: 2/7/08 at 12:00 PM
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re: I need some cheering up#22
Posted: 2/7/08 at 1:52pm
So..... Minnie and Mickey have been married for a while now and have been having problems, so Mickey calls the marriage counsler and says "Minnie and I have been having problems..... " So ... the doc says " Come on in.. lets talk.

The Next day Micky goes in to the counslers office. The counsler says "so whats going on?...... you think Minnie has gone crazy?" Mickey replies" No ..... I said she was F*CKing Goofy"!!!


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sesot
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re: I need some cheering up#23
Posted: 2/7/08 at 9:39pm
Thanks Taz, that site is very interesting, a little scary, and quite naughty.
worrell4077
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re: I need some cheering up#24
Posted: 2/7/08 at 10:06pm
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Wow, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "You can talk?"

Man gets hired as a new bartender. The manager comes up and says, "The customers at this bar are deaf. So, there are two signs for you to know. Thumbs up, means a shot. Thumbs down, means a beer." As the manager leaves he says, "If you need help, I'm right up stairs."

So the man starts and the first customer walks in and points his thumb up, so he gives him a shot. Second customer walks in and points thumbs down, he gives him a beer. So after an hour of serving, the man thinks, "Hey this is a pretty easy job." All of a sudden, one of the deaf people puts there hand in the air and starts flicking it. After him, another one does it and then another and another until the entire bar are doing it. Well, the man freaks out and runs up to the manager.

The man walks in and says, "I need help." The manager replies, "What's wrong?" So the man goes into what's going on downstairs and the manager looks at him and says, "Oh God, they've started singing."

Doctor calls woman and says, "You're husband's been in a terrible accident and he's dead." The woman is completely in shock and says, "Are you sure he's dead?" The doctor says, "Hold please", as the woman is on the phone waiting she hears, BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM. The doctor returns to the phone and says, "Yes."

Q: What does a cat say when it's in the blender?
A: Rirrrrr

What you might also consider doing is watching episodes of Married With Children. I find that if I'm having a lousy day, it's something to cheer me up because no one has a worse day or life than Al Bundy.