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The 2007 Darwin Awards!

erikaamato
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joined:8/12/04
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The 2007 Darwin Awards!#1
Posted: 2/3/08 at 12:57pm
Just received this from a friend of mine. I couldn't verify on snopes.com, but they're still hilarious (and I seem to recall the thing about the Long Beach robbery).

*********************

It's that time of year. The 2007 Darwin Awards..

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?) My (Erika's) answer: Yes! Operative phrase: "points a gun at you." The 2007 Darwin Awards!

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. (*A FIVE STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER)

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant.
DG
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re: The 2007 Darwin Awards!#2
Posted: 2/3/08 at 1:59pm
I seriously hope that number 4 is true.

I love these things!
paradox_error Profile Photoparadox_error Profile Photo
paradox_error
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re: The 2007 Darwin Awards!#2
Posted: 2/3/08 at 5:31pm
They're very funny, but don't the Darwin Awards award people who aid the gene pool by removing themselves from it? I.e. they die...

I think these are probably not the real ones, but they're very funny, nonetheless!
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Rathnait62
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re: The 2007 Darwin Awards!#3
Posted: 2/3/08 at 5:33pm
Number 5 is the winner in my book.
Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson
Roscoe
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re: The 2007 Darwin Awards!#4
Posted: 2/3/08 at 9:17pm
The real Darwin Awards for 2007:


Voila---
"If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about the answers." Thomas Pynchon, GRAVITY'S RAINBOW "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." Philip K. Dick My blog: http://www.roscoewrites.blogspot.com/
erikaamato
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re: The 2007 Darwin Awards!#5
Posted: 2/3/08 at 9:18pm
paradox_error: Yes, I believe you're correct, but they're funny, nonetheless. re: The 2007 Darwin Awards!
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singtopher
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re: The 2007 Darwin Awards!#6
Posted: 2/3/08 at 10:28pm
I had never known of anyone consuming alchohol in such a manner.
"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it." -Stephen Colbert
erikaamato
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joined:8/12/04
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re: The 2007 Darwin Awards!#7
Posted: 2/3/08 at 10:38pm
Me, either... It also bothers me that the "winner" of the 2007 Darwin Awards died back in 2004. :-P