My new favorite news story

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iflitifloat
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My new favorite news story#0
Posted: 3/16/04 at 8:17pm
Onionesque, to be sure...but actually a legit news story from Maine....

Man treated after attempting to nail himself to cross

AP

HARTLAND - A Hartland man was treated at a Pittsfield hospital after he nailed himself to a cross. The 23-year-old man apparently was trying to commit suicide Thursday evening in his living room, the Bangor Daily News reported.

Somerset County Sheriff Barry DeLong said Monday that no charges will be filed. "There is no crime here," he said.

Police said the man appeared delusional and told them he had been "seeing pictures of God on the computer." He told them he had not seen the hit movie "The Passion of the Christ," which depicts the Crucifixion of Jesus.

Lt. Pierre Boucher said the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said.

It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand.


Hartland Fire Department members responded, said Boucher, and cut off the wood while it was still attached to the man's hand. The wood and the victim were taken to Sebasticook Valley Hospital, where the nail was removed.

Boucher said he did not know whether the man received further treatment.
Maine crucifixion
Sueleen Gay: "Here you go, Bitch, now go make some fukcing lemonade." 10/28/10
Updated On: 3/17/04 at 08:17 PM
DofB5
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re: My new favorite news story#1
Posted: 3/16/04 at 8:32pm
And to think he could have went south, I believe to one of the islands, where they have themselfs nailed to a cross every year. I read that someplace.

Where's a helping hand when you need one?

D
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re: re: My new favorite news story#2
Posted: 3/16/04 at 8:34pm
"It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand."

Where's Mel Gibson when you need him?
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re: re: re: My new favorite news story#3
Posted: 3/16/04 at 8:39pm
oh my heck!

vish--terrible just terrible LOL
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redhotinnyc2
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That is Hilarious! I love the fact that you posted that! I love a good ruined crucifiction....LOL!
"I don't really get the ending,all i can go with is when after several months,Judith saw Pat sang,and later she kissed him on the toilet,after that the story back to where Pat went down from the stage after he'd sung,and he went to the italian lady.I just don't get it,what Judith exatcly meant when he kissed Pat that she had seen,and did Pat end up together with The Italian Lady?Please help me,thank u very much!" Quote from someone on IMDB in reference to a movie he/she didn't understand. Such grammar!
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Borstalboy
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Beautiful. Inspiring. Heart-warming. See how art moves people to act productively?
"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing. ~ Muhammad Ali
b-waygirl
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i really don't think this is funny. i think it's completely sick and wrong. not trying to be a prude...i just think it's disgusting and completely against anything in the christian religion.
parking for drive-thru service only. thank you.
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"What will they do to me?"
"Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixion."
"CRUCIFIXION?"
"Yeah, first offense."
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robbiej
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The most disturbing part is that he actually had to go through the process of nailing one of his hands to realize he wouldn't be able to nail the other. I mean...THINK IT THROUGH!
"I'm so looking forward to a time when all the Reagan Democrats are dead."
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He should have gotten one of those hammers where you put the nails into it and press the button and magically you have a nail in the wall.
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iflitifloat
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Bwaygirl...your problem with this story is that it's wrong and against the christian religion??? I mean there's a LOT wrong with this story, but you're kind of missing the point here, no?

Sueleen Gay: "Here you go, Bitch, now go make some fukcing lemonade." 10/28/10
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robbiej
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But Vish...HE'D STILL NEED AN EXTRA FINGER TO PULL THE TRIGGER!!

Unless he was one of those freakish people that can do everything with their feet (and NO I'm not talking about people who do not have the use of their arms. they are not freakish).
"I'm so looking forward to a time when all the Reagan Democrats are dead."
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"Unless he was one of those freakish people that can do everything with their feet"

I can do everything with my.... nevermind.
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emmamia
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ya all crack me up .... but this story is funny and i just fwd it to some friends ...
~*~ Little Boys Who Play With Fire Get Their Fingers Burned ~*~ Tanya (Mamma Mia)
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robbiej
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I've tried doing that with my feet too, Vish!

I limped for a week!

"I'm so looking forward to a time when all the Reagan Democrats are dead."
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Oh, honey, I wasn't going to say feet.
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robbiej
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Vish,

You are pure filth. Don't ever leave this board!
"I'm so looking forward to a time when all the Reagan Democrats are dead."
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I've always preferred smut to filth. Can't I be smut?
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robbiej
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Of course, my dear.

You are pure, unadulterated smut!
"I'm so looking forward to a time when all the Reagan Democrats are dead."
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Why thank you, darling. You're pretty special yourself.
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robbiej
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You should see what I can do with a ping-pong ball.
"I'm so looking forward to a time when all the Reagan Democrats are dead."
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Is it anything like what you can do with that shark?
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shark!#22
Posted: 3/18/04 at 10:45am
*knock knock*

"who is it?"

"plumber."

"i didn't hire a plumber. who is it!?"

"flowers."

"what... for who"

"plumber"

"... you're.. that crazy shark aren't you?''

"no maam, i am just a dolphin.. will you let me in please?"
r.i.p. marco, my guardian angel.

...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty

pray to st. jude

i'm a sonic reducer

he was the gimmicky sort

fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
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robbiej
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What Pam and I have is very special. It's consensual.

The poor ping-pong ball has NO SAY!
"I'm so looking forward to a time when all the Reagan Democrats are dead."
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But I hear the ping-pong ball can do this thing with its tongue....

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