Once upon a mattress audition monologue

[Ensemble1690677157]

Posted: 8/1/23 at 8:15pm

Updated On: 8/14/23 at 08:15 PM

[Impeach2017]

Posted: 8/1/23 at 8:44pm

For a "Once Upon a Mattress" audition, you may want to consider a monologue that captures the comedic and quirky nature of the character you are auditioning for. Here's a funny monologue from the play "Once in a Lifetime" written by Moss Hart and George S. Kaufman in 1930. While it's not from the same time period as "Once Upon a Mattress" (which premiered in 1959), it's still a classic comedic piece that could suit the audition:

Monologue: "Kitty's Speech" from "Once in a Lifetime" by Moss Hart and George S. Kaufman

[Kitty enters the stage, pacing back and forth, flustered and enthusiastic.]

Kitty: Oh, oh, oh, I just have to tell you! I can't keep it to myself any longer! Guess what happened today? You'll never believe it! Well, I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when this man comes up to me, see? And he says, "Hey, you there! Yes, you with the crazy hair and the wild eyes! You're perfect!" Perfect! Can you believe it?

[Pauses and looks at the imaginary audience, then continues with exaggerated expressions.]

Kitty: So, naturally, I'm all like, "Perfect? Me? Oh, do go on!" And he says, "Yes, perfect for the most important role in the movie!" The movie, people! Me, Kitty, the movie star! But wait, it gets better! He hands me this script, see, and he's like, "You read this, and you'll know why you're perfect!"

[Pulls an imaginary script from her pocket, waving it around.]

Kitty: And the title! Oh, you won't believe the title. It's called "Attack of the Fifty-Foot Ant!" Can you imagine? Me, a giant ant! I'd tower over everyone! I'd be the biggest star in Hollywood!

[Stops and gasps dramatically.]

Kitty: But then, oh, the twist! It turns out it's not a horror movie after all. Nope! It's a romantic comedy! Picture this: A giant ant falls in love with a regular-sized man. Can you even? It's a love story for the ages!

[Starts to imitate a giant ant, exaggeratedly looking at the imaginary man.]

Kitty: "Darling, I love you more than all the sugar in the world!" And he's like, "But, Kitty, you're a giant ant!" [Laughs] Oh, the hilarity!

[Gets serious for a moment.]

Kitty: Of course, I'll need some training. Maybe I can visit an ant farm or something? Gotta get into character, you know? But I'll do it! I'll be the greatest ant Hollywood has ever seen!

[Pauses, dreamy-eyed.]

Kitty: And just think, someday, they'll be saying, "Kitty, the girl who started as an ant and made it all the way to the top!" [Giggles]

[Looks back at the imaginary script.]

Kitty: But first, I better learn my lines. "Squeak, squeak, I love you, my tiny love." Hmm, needs work. But don't worry, I've got this in the bag!

[Exits the stage, confidently, as if she's already a star.]

Remember to tailor the monologue to suit the character you're auditioning for in "Once Upon a Mattress" and make it your own. Good luck!

[Ensemble1690677157]

Posted: 8/1/23 at 9:32pm

Thank you so much!

[JBradshaw]

Posted: 8/1/23 at 10:54pm

I really have nothing to add monologue. 
 

i applauded “mattress” 

im in my 40s. “Shy” has always been my audition song since my teens. I love the show. 
 

i saw the Sarah Jessica revival 4xs 🤷‍♂️

[Ensemble1690677157]

Posted: 8/7/23 at 8:44pm

Hey there just following up to ask where you found this monologue? From what I’ve gathered there’s no character named kitty in that play, granted it was very hard to find information about the play. I just wanted to make sure this wasn’t a monologue from a monologue website or a monologue that isn’t from a play just incase my director questions my source. I would like to back the source up with something a little more reliable than a web forum response seeing as it could affect my audition if it’s not from a play or musical. I hope I don’t come of as too accusatory I’m truly thankful for your suggestion I just want to double check that the monologue is in the play!