Good answering machine message
Good answering machine message
ashley0139
Broadway Legend Joined: 1/3/05
#0Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 6:36pmFor as long as I have had my phone, I haven't changed my message. Anyone got any clever or funny ones?
"This table, he is over one hundred years old. If I could, I would take an old gramophone needle and run it along the surface of the wood. To hear the music of the voices. All that was said." - Doug Wright, I Am My Own Wife
#1re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 6:45pm
well.....years ago, I had Dee Hoty's introduction from the "Call Me" number in Best Little Whorehouse goes Public as my message.
"Howdy boys...are you a stay at home, shut in, couch potato? Then welcome to Miss Mona and her ladies..a private phone club....."
"My dreams, watching me said, one to the other...this life has let us down."
#2re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 7:43pm
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
"All the while making faces like a baby platypus who forget to take some Beano before eating a chimichanga." FindingNamo in reference to Jessica Simpson's singing.
Dollypop
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/15/03
#3re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 7:47pmI once used "A Call From The Vatican" on my answering machine. It flustered my pastor when he called.
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
#4re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 8:31pm
I don't know what mine is. But I think it has a lot of fo shizzles in it.
People love it when anyone says 'fo shizzle.' It always gets a big laugh. Even "leave a message, fo shizzle" is a sure-fire crowd please. Fo shizzles make everything the sheesey what what word to ya motha.
Beergoggles
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/30/05
#5re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 8:34pm
well if you want the majority of your messages to start with "you little (insert random swear word)" then feel free to use mine!
When they ring my answering machine message say's....
hello
hello?
hello!
hello (abruptly)
it's a machine you fool... leave your message after the tone!
Get's people every time! They're shouting thinking you can't hear them! One of my friends, bless him, hadn;t heard it. He was sat next to me and rang my phone to hear it and actually said hello... funniest thing!
Jesus Loves You... Everybody else thinks you're an idiot!
SweetQintheLights
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/12/05
#6re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:07pm
I used to have a ton of good answering machine messages saved until my computer crashed....aarrgg....
Here are 2 that I do remember. The second one I don't know that well but maybe someone can help...
Sorry, they are really dumb
1.You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...
2. Hi, if you are my mother I need money, if you are my girlfriend, I have plenty of money, if you are the electric company, I already sent in the damn bill! If you are calling for any other reason, leave a message and the reason for the call and if I like the reason you are calling- I will call you back.
"How bout a little black dress?"~hannahshule
"I have a penis, not a vagina." ~munkustrap178
#7re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:14pm
Mine is:
"I'm a gangster,
I'm straight up g,
the gangster life is the life for me,
shooting people by day,
selling drugs by night,
beign a gangster is hella tight."
Remember to over-enunciate each word and sound as white/Jewish as you can.
#8re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:15pm
i have right now:
"hello?
hello?
I can't hear you!
Hello?
Are you there?
Hey, if you're trying to call ____ aka Dre, she's not here. just leave a message."
my mom loves it, gets her everytime. still laughs about it. my dad called me, heard it and started talking, trying to get me. then realized it was a message and hung up in disgust (he's British) lol.
<--- the set of A Midsummer Night's Dream that I was assistant stage manager for during the 2007 season at the STNJ outdoor stage.
-Dre- You must remember all the same that at the crux of every game is knowing when it's time to leave the table... And it's important to be artful in your exit. No turning back, you must accept the con is done... It was a ball, it was a blast. And it's a shame it couldn't last. But every chapter has to end, you must agree.
~Dirty Rotten Scoundrels~
There's a special kind of people known as show people. We live in a world full of dreams. Sometimes we're not too certain what's false and what's real. But we're seldom in doubt about what we feel.
~Curtains~
It is a far, far better thing I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest I go to, than I have ever known.
~A Tale of Two Cities ~
~Dirty Rotten Scoundrels~
~Curtains~
~A Tale of Two Cities ~
Cruel_Sandwich
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/30/05
#9re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:19pm
Mine is simply:
"The eyes of the Ranger are upon you"
Although I'm thinking of changing it to:
"BRITISH CHILD: Please sir, I want some more.
STRICT ADULT: FOR MORE?!?! THAT BOY SHALL BE HANGED!
If you don't want Oliver Twist to be hung, please leave a message after the beep"
Dirty Rotten Scoundrel
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/26/05
#10re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:20pm
This is mine:
"Hello?" :pause: "Oh hey! How's it goin?! :longer pause: "yeah..you're talking to my machine right now so leave me a message and I'll get back to ya" I can't tell you how many of my messages start off with "Gah I hate you!" and them laughing and stuff. It's really funny. Here's a tidbit, I recorded it during the intermission of DRS the first time I saw it.
Cruel_Sandwich
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/30/05
#11re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:22pm
" "Hello?" :pause: "Oh hey! How's it goin?! :longer pause: "yeah..you're talking to my machine right now so leave me a message and I'll get back to ya" I can't tell you how many of my messages start off with "Gah I hate you!" and them laughing and stuff. It's really funny. Here's a tidbit, I recorded it during the intermission of DRS the first time I saw it. "
I really wouldn't recommend using this message anymore. So many people have it that it's becoming so passe that it's almost making Napoleon Dynamite look like cutting edge satire.
#12re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:42pmwhen I first saw the title of the thread, i thought it said "God answering machine message"
<--- the set of A Midsummer Night's Dream that I was assistant stage manager for during the 2007 season at the STNJ outdoor stage.
-Dre- You must remember all the same that at the crux of every game is knowing when it's time to leave the table... And it's important to be artful in your exit. No turning back, you must accept the con is done... It was a ball, it was a blast. And it's a shame it couldn't last. But every chapter has to end, you must agree.
~Dirty Rotten Scoundrels~
There's a special kind of people known as show people. We live in a world full of dreams. Sometimes we're not too certain what's false and what's real. But we're seldom in doubt about what we feel.
~Curtains~
It is a far, far better thing I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest I go to, than I have ever known.
~A Tale of Two Cities ~
~Dirty Rotten Scoundrels~
~Curtains~
~A Tale of Two Cities ~
#13re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/15/05 at 12:49am
Mine is...
"Why do you build me up, build me up, buttercup baby, just to let me down? Leave me a message!"
I starred in a short film called Magnetic Personality. Check it out!
jam_man
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/25/05
#14re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/15/05 at 7:09am
Dre, I wonder what God's answering machine message would be?
Right now, mine is:
ME: Leave a message at the tone.
DAVE CHAPPELLE (AS LIL' JOHN): WHAT?
ME: Leave a message at the tone.
LIL' JOHN: WHAT?
ME: Leave a message at the tone.
LIL' JOHN: O-KAY!
But your's are all much better.
"Who is Stephen Sondheim?" -roninjoey
"The man who wishes he had written Phantom of the Opera!" - SueleenGay
GO CARDINALS!!!
"The man who wishes he had written Phantom of the Opera!" - SueleenGay
GO CARDINALS!!!
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/31/69
#15re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:26am
Hey - I am either:
On the lam,
On the phone,
On the john,
Or on my bone.
Leave a message.
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/31/69
#16re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:31am
My favorite one is from wedding crashers..
This is John...............Whatever!
Dollypop
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/15/03
#17re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:23pm
This is one I use during the holidays:
Me (as Carol Channing):
Hello, this is Carol, but you can think of me as your "Christmas Carol". Dolly's so busy with holiday activities that he's asked me to take his messages. At the tone leave your name and a brief message and I'll get it to him as soon as he's finished under the mistletoe. Oh raspberries! I do hope I don't mess this up!
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)
BwayLeadman
Broadway Star Joined: 9/29/04
#18re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:28pm"How would you like if I called while YOU were having sex? Leave me a message"
#19re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:32pm
Yeah, I hate the people who do the fake hello's. Laaaaaame.
Am I really the only person here whose voicemail is "Defying Gravity"? It's my friend, Geneva. Zepka's heard it! HeH.
jam_man
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/25/05
#20re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:35pmBwayLeadman, that's HILARIOUS!!! I would ask to use that as mine, but I'm afraid my mother would hear it.
"Who is Stephen Sondheim?" -roninjoey
"The man who wishes he had written Phantom of the Opera!" - SueleenGay
GO CARDINALS!!!
"The man who wishes he had written Phantom of the Opera!" - SueleenGay
GO CARDINALS!!!
manders
Stand-by Joined: 5/8/04
#21re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:51pmWhere can I listen to this Josh Groban gangster song?
But the secret ingredient is love. Dammit.
#22re: Good answering machine message
Posted: 9/15/05 at 9:04pm
Hey/Hello...{insert your usual greeting when you answer the phone}
*allow for a several second pause* (Where the caller begins to talk)
Then laugh, or make some smart ass comment, or just say angelically that you're not there.
It usually pisses people off, and makes them feel rather stupid. Althought not a good idea if you give someone imporant your cell phone number.
Updated On: 9/15/05 at 09:04 PM
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