Student Blog: For Anyone Missing Home This Summer
Dealing with feelings of homesickness and the fear of falling behind.
As a kid, growing up felt exciting. I couldn't wait to be older, more independent, and really start a life of my own. In many ways, that's exactly what I'm doing now. This summer, instead of heading home for three months, I'm staying in Boston. When I first moved away for college, staying in the city for the summer felt like something older students did. Now, somehow, I'm one of them!
I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunities and independence that come with living in a city on my own, but I've found myself feeling really homesick recently. Not really in the way I did freshman year, when everything was still super new and unfamiliar, but in a different way. I feel it at moments when I see my family together at dinner, or think about the summer nights by the beach I grew up with. Boston’s definitely starting to feel like a second home to me, but there’s a piece of me that still really misses my home in Florida.
One of the hardest parts of growing up for me is that nobody tells you what it’s like to have your life moving forward in one place while your heart is still hanging on to another. Part of what makes this transition hit me so hard is realizing how much everything’s changed over the past couple of years. Now, as a rising junior, graduation feels a lot closer, and responsibility feels a lot heavier, and suddenly all the talk about internships, summer gigs, and future plans feels way more real. Being a theatre student means always being surrounded by people chasing big dreams. Every summer, my feed is packed with posts about cool gigs, contracts, intensives - everyone has something amazing lined up, and I love seeing my friends do what they’re passionate about! But sometimes, those things make me wonder if I’m doing enough. Am I training enough? Networking enough? Working enough? Am I making the most of my summer, or am I falling behind?
I started asking myself these questions and spiraled a bit. I’ve always loved theatre and always wanted to take every opportunity I had to pursue it. Even after a long year when I repeatedly felt burnt out, I still felt like I had to keep going and keep forging ahead, even when my body and mind felt exhausted. After taking some time to reflect on those thoughts and conversations with friends, I realized it’s okay to want to take a break. To live a somewhat normal college kid life when I want to. Of course, continuing training and keeping myself on track is important, but I also want to give myself some grace when it comes to taking a break and staying true to what I need at this moment in my life.
This summer, I'm trying to worry way less about what I’m not doing and more about what makes me feel fulfilled right now. And of course, that might be a contract or an internship doing what I love, but it can also be learning to build a life of my own and discover who I am. With that comes working through feelings of homesickness, becoming more independent, maintaining relationships from a distance, and enjoying life outside of a classroom or rehearsal room. Neither is more valid than the other, they just reflect different parts of what it means to grow.
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