Student Blog: Loud and Proud
I thank every “theatre-friend” throughout the years who has respected me for my fearlessly geeky self.
Despite having done theatre since I was six years old, I had never been classified as a ”theatre kid” at school. I always believed in being friends with people who had differing interests in order to learn from one another and reduce competitive tension. Since elementary school, I have jumped from community theatre to community theatre, filling my schedule with rehearsals and auditions. I was able to learn so much about becoming not only a better performer, but a team player from each director I worked under. The distinct environment fostered within each theatrical company always felt like a new opportunity for reinvention. In every show I joined, I was able to find myself a new Best Friend and find my place in each temporary social scene that formed. During each three month rehearsal process, it was thrilling to learn so much about new people, create inside jokes, tell secrets, and feel the strong bond that can only form from being in the cast of a show with someone. However, these friendships somehow seemed to always wither away in tandem with the closing of the show. Regardless of vows made to one another to hang out after the show, friendships made with people who live hours away without a show keeping you together are quite difficult to hold on to. Old friendships were replaced by new ones as each new show rolled around. It was challenging to constantly be saying goodbye and then quickly reintroducing yourself.
And then, I realized something, a majority of people at school had no clue I loved theatre. I’m not sure if I was subconsciously omitting mention of it whilst standing in sporty circles, but this led me to feel like I was living a double life: one where I was a theatre kid, and one where I was “normal.” This sort of made me feel like people didn’t understand me because I wasn’t truly letting anyone in. But I enjoyed my separate worlds, it turned theatre into my escape. Issues with friends? Blast Rent until you forget! Hard day at school? Go to rehearsal where none of it matters! Anxious? Watch Tick, Tick…BOOM! for the twentieth time! My love for theatre is one of the most sacred parts of my identity and my sanctuary; opening that part of myself up to scrutiny would be one of the most personal attacks someone could make.
Naturally, there were times when I wished that I had someone to gush about theatre to, someone who would recognize my eyes light up when the words “no day but today” were uttered in conversation or someone who knew that I’d been in Annie three times and obviously want to watch the 1982 film when it is suggested on screen. I was starting to wish that the most personal parts of my character could be more public and that I could be shamelessly myself in front of absolutely everyone. It isn’t that I was scared that people wouldn’t like me, I just was overtly aware of the negative stigma that came with being a theatre kid; I honestly wasn’t looking to deal with the judgment.
After tirelessly juggling my separate identities, it was becoming clear that I needed to begin merging them together. I was proud of my passion and I didn’t want to shield one of the best parts of myself any longer. I really wanted a consistent group of theatre friends where I could embrace this side of myself more openly.
I was determined to allow my love of theatre to remain holy. If people chose to make jokes about it, I classified them as people who did not attempt to understand me, and had no base to accurately comment on my character.
Finally joining my school’s theatre department in ninth grade was the greatest decision I made in my high school career. I, at last, had a community of theatre people who encouraged my nerdiness and wouldn’t disappear after three months. I watched my new friends walk straight out of the auditorium, singing showtunes, into the crowded hallways without a flinch. I was simply inspired. I understood that I didn’t need to hide my love of theatre to be accepted, I found a creative home where my differences were applauded.
I’m sure people have made remarks about me being a theatre kid behind my back, but they most definitely have never impacted me in any way. My friends outside of theatre are completely accepting of my theatrical side and I enjoy connecting with them over a shared love of Hamilton and Wicked.
All I had to do was take that initial leap. My passion for theatre supersedes judgment and I am constantly feeling grateful that my high school theatre community showed me that. I thank every “theatre-friend” throughout the years who has respected me for my fearlessly geeky self.
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