Highlights From CONAN Monologue on TBS

Check out highlights from Conan O'Brien's monologue on last's night's CONAN on TBS:

It’s 106 degrees outside here. That’s right – Another crisp fall day in LA. The leaves are turning red because they’re on fire

In his interview with 60 minutes, Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “You can’t run from your mistakes, you have to confront them.” Especially if they look exactly like you and keep calling you “Dad.”

Mitt Romney has been preparing by debating a Republican Senator who’s playing the part of President Obama. Meanwhile, President Obama has been preparing for Romney by debating an ATM machine.

The other day, the CEO of Apple apologized for problems in the iPhone’s new map program. The CEO made the apology in a field 20 miles from where the press conference was supposed to take place.

The Vatican is getting complaints that they’re letting in too many drunken tourists. Today, the Vatican said, “Those aren’t tourists, they’re priests.”

There’s a new Internet search engine that’s been developed and it looks only for online porn. It’s called “Google.”

In Saudi Arabia, images of women have been removed from all Ikea catalogs. Of course in my experience, most women disappear the second they see a futon from Ikea.

Red Lobster is coming out with a new menu aimed primarily at people who don’t like seafood. They were inspired by The Olive Garden whose menu has always been aimed at people don’t like Italian food.

It’s being reported that Target is requiring its employees to use the word “amazing,” as much as possible. So now employees say things like, “You’re so fat, it’s amazing you’re not at Wal-Mart.”

A new study shows that British men have larger penises than both French and German men. The study was conducted in the back of Elton John’s van.

On the first show of his new tour, Justin Bieber vomited on stage twice. That’s right- even Justin Bieber is sick of Justin Bieber.

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