America's Next Top Model Cycle 10

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 3/5/08 at 7:27pm

Ok, so I'm a little late for last week's recap, but you know what they say, "Better Nate than lever". HAHAHAHA!!! Honestly, am I the only person who knows that rather long lame joke? It was friggin' hilarious when I was 10. Seriously.

Ready? OK!

I'm not sure I like the new music video opening. It just looks like a lot of time and effort went into it, especially for those girls who are only in like, two episodes. With all the shaky cam and quick cutaways, you barely have time to laugh at them. Jeez...

Fatima and her cootchie. Again. Obviously, we're going to be forced to visual her nether regions all season. And didn't I totally call out her skank attitude? Even she noticed it by the end. I doubt her self-awareness will last very long, however. And what was up with that weird editing? Early on, there was a shot of her with gorgeous straight hair (when she was offending yet someone else in the house) and immediately afterwards it was all kinky and nasty again. Are we led to believe she crimps the hell out of her hair on purpose??? Bitch needs to look in a mirror before coppin' 'tude again. For real.

Atalya got all mad because there was a no smoking sign on the door to the apartment and the girls "had the nerve" to smoke outside. Well, it's a good thing she didn't have to stick around for the all that gall and injustice, isn't it?

Amis explained how Tyra forced her to change her name and proved herself to be a LIAR. She said it was a name from the Bible. Did she also realize it rhymes with "anus"? HAHAHAHAHA!!! Anyway, Anus is pretty clueless, so I doubt I get to have fun with that for much longer.

Marvita got mad at Fatima. Sob story, apologies... Blah blah blah. All better, for now... Honestly, Marvita has MUCH more to worry about than Fatima's snobbery. Like her walk. Or her look. Or her poses. Or her...well, you get the drift.

Still waiting for Anya to grow on me. For now, every time she speaks, my eyes glaze over like fresh Krispy Kremes.

Absolutely everyone thinks Dominique looks like a drag queen. Miss Jay's drag voice had me in stitches! Anyone else reminded of Coryn from Cycle 5?

The runway was fun, but Lauren is more than a fish out of water. She's being filleted, battered, deep-fried and served up at your local Long John Silver's. I just hope she can pull it together because I would love to see that transformation. Whitney, Fatima and Claire rocked that runway.

Claire's awesome. I love her 80s hair. Breast milk must be working for her.

Stacy Ann just makes me laugh. I mean, is she for real?

So what was up with that homeless photo shoot? I'm sure there was a point, but it was completely lost. Tyra explained she was inspired by her spending a day as a homeless person. A WHOLE DAY! Like, sometime after breakfast, she put on some distressed clothes and some theatrically smudged makeup and hung around on the sidewalk until the afternoon, after which she chowed down on a couple of steaks and went home to knock back some mojitos and sleep in her warm cozy bed in her penthouse. She explains how tough it was and how much perspective she now has on all those people she used to ignore. Now she acknowledges them with a quick wave as she runs by holding her nose. Tyra is such a humanitarian, y'all. Shut up, she is! Anyway, she allowed a couple of homeless girls to be made up and sit in the background while the models posed in Le Couture des Miserables. Honestly, homeless chic is so five years ago. Urine-tinted jeans, trucker caps and wrinkly untucked button-downs have been around for a while. Been there, done that. I think Tyra's lost her touch.

Ok, so Kim Witherspoon. *sigh* I love how Tyra reminded her about the casting not so long ago and the girls who weren't given the opportunity to be in her shoes and Kim basically responded with, "Yeah, ok...um, but...so?" Kim doesn't believe in fashion. She obviously never watched Paris is Burning, the documentary on which this show is based.

Still I can not BELIEVE that Kim left and they still sent someone home.

Well, they had to make up for that extra episode caused when they accepted the two Amys! Because like the bombing of Baghdad, it was totally spontaneous and unplanned. It's not like they had extra room in the loft. Well, they did, but that's not the point. Whatever, SHUT UP! Anyway, the producers reminded the judges about the number of episodes budgeted for the season right after casting, so Witherspoon's departure was nothing but a big "PHEW!"

Paulina's the new judge in case you didn't see that one coming. I wonder how many takes it took for the girls to act surprised. Twelve?

And I love Miss Jay's vest of velcrocity. Bitch can't rip those names off fast enough. And it makes such a satisfying sound.

YAY!

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 3/11/08 at 4:53pm

Well, that last episode was filled with all kinds of skank, wasn't it? Fatima, after apologizing for her attitude last week, has a memory lapse and remarks about Allison's ass being all huge which, what? I mean, it would be sort of funny if there was some kind of justification, but Fatima just made herself look crazy, which is how Allison should have dealt with the situation. Instead, Allison takes the offended off-ramp from the eating disorder highway and claims to be a "recovering anorexic". Right. I'm not saying she wasn't anorexic, but I mean, for a girl who loves to talk about herself, it's never come up before now? And so conveniently? Call me cynical, but I have just known WAY too many girls who cry "eating disorder" when it can be used to their advantage. And stop giving me that look, but because you know exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway, I'll give her the benefit of a doubt for the entire rest of the time she's on this season. I swear.

Meanwhile...makeovers! I have to say, this is definitely one of the best makeover cycles. Nearly everyone looks better. Stacy Ann actually has a bit of an edge for a change, which immediately turns into soft fluffy bunny rabbits the moment she opens her mouth, but it's one of the reasons I like her. Claire looks HOT. I think the blonde pixie cut really works for her. She looked interesting and intriguing before. Now she still does, but she POPS out with a bang. Lauren looks so pretty, she doen't know what to do with herself. It's so Shandi! I hope she has sex in Milan with a hot Italian dude. I really do. Anything on Marvita is an improvement over that pointy door-stop she had previously sitting on her head. That was just nasty. Allison thinks she looks hot and really goes out of her way to tell us how much more professional and awesome she is, so any element of suspense in this episode has completed deflated. But it is nice of her to tell us how she has modeled professionally (at a Wednesday J.C. Penny senior sales luncheon) and traveled to various Asian countries (to be sold as a pre-teen boy toy sex slave, though there were no takers). Bottom line, no matter how great she tells us she is, she still smells like spoiled bitch left out in the summer sun.

The only makeover I didn't like was Anus. Now, she really looks like she lives up to her name. Even Amy Winehouse is like, "Ew!"

Makeup challenge. Blah blah...Fatima looks like she used glow-in-the-dark finger paints! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Blah blah...Claire wins! YAY! We like Claire. She gets to have her picture on a website. Woo! Unlike the picture on the Top Model website. Or on the Google photo search. But, whatever. YAY!

Photo shoot. All the girls look pretty good, except, poor Whitney! I mean, what were they thinking??? GOD! That was just mean. Allison was predictably bad, but went on to tell us that no matter what Mister Jay says, she thinks she rocked the photo shoot. Why don't these girls ever watch the show before casting? I mean, to not laugh at them at this point would be rude.

Judging...Paulina...yeah, we know she's new...Miss Jay and the vest of velcrocity...Nigel...can we just pause for a moment? Nigel... Ok, I'm better. Lauren gets called first! YAY! I'm really enjoying this. And Allison gets kicked in her Big Apple Bottom. YAY! This cycle already rocks. I'm hoping Marvita will go all Trigger on Fatima's ass and stomp her to death like a rattlesnake on the western plain.

[Becoz_i_knew_you21]

Posted: 4/16/08 at 11:33pm

Updated On: 4/17/08 at 11:33 PM