Student Blog: A Major Crisis

The last blog I wrote about my major, I was pretty confident. I had decided to stop pursuing a major in technical theater, something I found unfulfilling, in favor of multimedia. I felt excited about the new creative opportunities. And yet I still had a lingering feeling of uncertainty.

At my school, the multimedia umbrella has 2 focuses: Film, Video, & New Media and Journalism. I realized I hadn’t given journalism much thought and began considering it. I enjoyed my professor for the intro class I took and thought I’d do well at writing articles and conducting interviews. The thing that initially turned me away was the concept of working for the news, which I don’t really love. I’m not into current events or politics at all. Yet I thought the creative side of journalism could be really good for me. It’d be an opportunity to write about more than just film, about real events and real people in the world. I set an advising meeting, got my schedule ready, and even sent an email to make the official switch.

And then I thought about the girl who grew up making silly music videos and storylines out of plastic toys. The girl who had a passion for theater and sharing bits of herself in creative ways, making the most out of every school project, and shocking the people around her with the sheer determination underneath her quiet demeanor. And I said to myself, I can’t give up on her. Surely, film and television and storytelling was the place for me.

I think subconsciously, once again, I was holding myself back. I was keeping myself on a leash and pulling tight when I got dangerously close to an insecurity. Truthfully, it is scary to pursue an art form that requires you to put yourself out there. It is scary to throw myself into learning how to create things with the fear that it’ll be bad.

I do think journalism could be fun. I really heavily considered it, I do think I’d find some joy and passion in it. But I just can’t give up on pursuing a bigger dream. I’d really like to write for TV one day, create a movie, direct something, any type of creative storytelling. It’s something I long for. I don’t want to pursue something I feel mediocre about.

And I’m really enjoying my film appreciation class I’m taking. I got to write an essay about one of my favorite films from last year, “The Holdovers,” and it brought me every bit of peace and fulfillment I hoped it would. I feel like I really have a skill for writing about movies and if in the process of writing about them I learn how to do it myself, that is the biggest win for me. I love art. I want to learn as much as I can about it and one day feel brave enough to make my own.

I know it’s just a major and it doesn’t exactly define my future as a whole. For me, choosing this major is how I prove that I believe in myself and my potential. It’s a promise to fight through the uncertainties and trust my own ideas. Everything I do is for the girl who made goofy videos with her friends.