BWW Blog: Kathryn Mowat Murphy - After Show Blues

I have a cat, and his name is Jazz. If I don't pay any attention to Jazz, he begins to meow. This is a simple animalistic act to show he needs my attention. We, being performers, are very similar. If we don't get any attention, we begin to meow. Not out loud, but deep in our soul. We start to pine and, bit by bit, lose our light. We eventually lie down and put our paws over our eyes and fret.

This is what many of us go through after we finish a show, or some project, we have been involved in. For a couple days we are happy to rest and just think back on what we have accomplished, but once those few days have passed we then grow restless again and look for our next opportunity to .......show off. Well, that's what I call it anyway.

There is definitely a physical change in us when we are working on something. I see it so clearly in people. When I am in class, I know when a particular person has just landed a performance opportunity. The body language is different. They are happy and excited, and there is a sparkle in their eyes. Their dancing is more confident, and they show no fear. I noticed this just recently in a young ballet dancer, who, despite being in a major company, would always come into class like a curmudgeon. She was a very proficient dancer and could accomplish wonderful moments in class physically, but she was always so sullen and seemed angry. There had to be something going on in her life, as I knew it couldn't be that she was just hungry. Anyway, I didn't see her for a while; then one day she was back. This was not the same girl; she was smiling, making jokes and laughing. I knew a change for the good had happened. I asked a fellow class mate, and indeed it had. She had been promoted.

It is simply amazing to me how easy it is to allow what happens when life and career reflect in our face and body. This is why (and I know this sounds a bit cliché and granolaish), but it's the journey that has to be just as important as the end game. This path has to be as enjoyable, otherwise we will be a bunch of depressed sad sack folks with only moments of joy. I know you have heard this over and over again, and probably want to smack anyone who brings it up, I apologize for being that person, but it's true. We cannot only be happy when we are doing exactly what we think we were meant to be doing. We have to find the joy and fulfillment in the hours we spend NOT doing our first and ultimate choice.

It's been three weeks since the debut of my piece. No huge offers, no promises of getting an opportunity to set my piece on any company.

Yet!

I go back to my life of taking class and teaching. I love to teach; my students are marvelous and they energize me, but I also must perform. It is the combination of the two that feeds my soul. If someone was to ask me what a perfect life for me would be, I would say to be able to perform and teach until my body simply drops dead. The performing keeps me humble and vulnerable. The teaching helps me realize that I have learned a thing or two along the way, but also allows me to see that I have yet to learn so much more. My students teach me, and we have this continued back and forth game of tennis, where, for a minute, I am the one hitting the information to them. But sooner than later, they backhand new information to me.
Over the past few weeks I have choreographed a couple reels for young up and coming dancers, which is so much fun, and I love to do it. I hope to do more.

That was a blatant plug.

This summer I am lucky, as I do have two things coming up. This doesn't always happen. Like I said in my first or second blog, I am not the type who jumps from gig to gig. Sometimes there are huge spaces between my shows, and I work hard to keep my spirits high and remain positive. It's not easy, but I feel it's better than retreating into my cave and feeling sorry for myself. I am happy to say that I will be writing soon about an experience as a back-up dancer for a recording star. Imagine that, this old girl is going to be a pop idol's back up dancer! I can't wait to report the entire goings on of this experience. I have never done this before, and, to quote Roxie Hart, "I figured at my age opportunity had passed me by but it ain't, oh no but it ain't."

I am excited to cross this off my bucket list. The other summer gig is to be an associate choreographer and performer in a show I love. I will be assisting an awesome choreographer, and I will be helping him put his stamp on an iconic show. Oh, and I am also the dance captain. I swore I would never do that again, but, as we say, never say never. So, you see, I will have a lot to tell you about. In the meantime, I will be in class keeping these seasoned bones fit and ready to go. On a side note, I mention the following, as I saw so much of this happening this past week:

If you are texting in class, stop it! It can't be that important. Like the slogan says, "it can wait." ?

Until next week.

Photo credits: After Show Blues: Steve Vaccariello

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