RECAP: The STARS Get Sentimental

How do you follow up the delightful, glittering spectacle of nostalgia and shirtlessness that is prom night, you ask? With a heavy dose of sappy sentimentality, of course - and when that doesn't work, a bit more shirtlessness.

The stars spilled their guts tonight as they undertook the task of interpreting the "best year of their lives" through dance. Of course, some stories were a bit more poignant than others. Sean Lowe's spiel about not finding love on his first go around in a reality tv competition but finding it on the second go around felt an awful lot like an interview from 'After the Last Rose.' Maybe I'm just failing to see the profundity of a Bachelorette-reject-turned-Bachelor sharing his Epic TV love story through a mediocre waltz across a fog-obscured floor, though.

The night's real heartbreakers were Andy Dick, who reduced Carrie Ann Inaba to a weeping mess with the waltz he dedicated to his daughter in celebration of his sobriety; Jacoby Jones, who just wanted to make his son proud with his foxtrot since his dad was never around; and Kellie Pickler, who danced a dramatic rumba bathed in orange light while her husband sang their wedding song.

At 18 and 16 years of age respectively, it might seem like Aly Raisman and Zendaya Coleman were at a bit of a disadvantage. I mean, how could they possibly to compete with endearing dads and grand romances when they've never even been in love before? But the gals killed the competition with their unique routines. Zendaya stamped out a divalicious samba in honor of her breakout in the L.A. acting scene and Aly earned herself the season's highest score with a breathtaking contemporary number illustrating the struggle of training for the Olympics.

Even D.L. Hughley managed to put on a decent show this week, gyrating on the judge's platform (much to Bruno's delight) and blowing them kisses. I have to say, his candid commentary is really starting to become the highlight of the show for me. Tonight's gems include: "nothing says Compton like foxtrot," "it's like a dance for parents that get divorced and have to dance at their kid's wedding," and "[21], that's higher than my SAT scores." Luckily, it seems like he may be sticking around a bit longer despite his obvious lack of dancing prowess because Lisa Vanderpump totally tanked.

To be fair, she passed out during rehearsals due to a flu that prompted her doctor to advise her to sit this round out. But I'm not convinced she would've done that much better even if she was at full strength. Definite props to her for dancing 'til she dropped (literally), but there's no mirrorball in her future. Even Gleb's ever-adorable naïveté and beautiful bare chest aren't going to keep her in much longer.

Check out the full breakdown below:

Sean Lowe & Peta Murgatroyd - 20/30

Viennese Waltz / "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz

The Judges Say...

"The grace we're working on. Baby steps." - Carrie Ann

BONUS: "He was steaming and I'm beaming." - Len

Victor Ortiz & Lindsay Arnold - 18/30

Paso Doble / "We will Rock You" by Queen

The Judges Say...

"You definitely punched the living daylights out of the paso doble -- but the thing is, darling, you're supposed to dance it, not destroy it." - Bruno

Jacoby Jones & Karina Smirnoff - 24/30

Foxtrot / "Watching You" by Rodney Atkins

The Judges Say...

"You were trotting at full-throttle!" - Bruno

Aly Raisman & Mark Ballas - 27/30

Contemporary / "Titanium" by David Guetta feat. Sia

The Judges Say...

"I liked the balance between showing emotion and the athleticism of the whole thing." - Len

Andy Dick & Sharna Burgess - 21/30

Viennese Waltz / "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen

The Judges Say...

"Effective, straight from the heart." - Bruno

BONUS: "You came into this show a man. Whatever happens, you'll go out of this a hero." - Len

Zendaya Coleman & Valentin Chmerkovskiy - 26/30

Samba / "Love on Top" by Beyonce

The Judges Say...

"The way you worked that music, girl... Beyoncé better watch her back." - Carrie Ann

Ingo Rademacher & Kym Johnson - 23/30

Viennese Waltz / "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri

The Judges Say...

"When you add love to these dances, they blossom." - Carrie Ann

D.L. Hughley & Cheryl Burke - 21/30

Foxtrot / "I Just Wanna Make Love to You" by Etta James

The Judges Say...

"That's a real breakthrough, my friend." - Carrie Ann

BONUS: "You're gonna get an extra point for the butt." - Bruno

Kellie Pickler & Derek Hough - 26/30

Rumba / "Say I Do" by Kyle Jacobs

The Judges Say...

"It was like watching a sequence of magical images underscored by a soundtrack of love!" - Bruno

Lisa Vanderpump & Gleb Savchenko - 18/30

Cha-Cha / "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang

The Judges Say...

"You've given it your best shot." - Len

Injury Report: Lisa is ill and was unable to dance in rehearsal

Who won the hearts of the voters? Who has danced their last? What the hell will D.L. say next? Check back tomorrow to see who stays and who goes.

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