Highlights from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE's Weekend Update

By: Oct. 13, 2014
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Saturday Night Live is a well-loved late night comedy sketch series that has produced many of the greatest comedic talents of the past 40 years. The show, which just entered its 40th season this fall, is broadcast live from New York City on Saturday nights. This week's episode, which aired 10/11, featured SNL alum Bill Hader as host with musical guest Maroon 5.

Below are some highlights from the this past week's 'Weekend Update' segment:

'WEEKEND UPDATE' ANCHOR COLIN JOST - 'Pakistani teenager Malala Yousafzai, who is 17, has become the youngest person ever to win the Nobel Peace Prize. So a Pakistani teenager literally can change the world, while American teenagers literally can't even.'

JOST - 'Federal officials have begun screening for EBOLA at New York's JFK Airport for all travelers arriving from West Africa. They're focusing on JFK because not even EBOLA would go to LaGuardia.'

'WEEKEND UPDATE' ANCHOR MICHAEL CHE - 'The White House is denying claims that it covered up evidence of Secret Service agents sleeping with a prostitute in 2012 -- which, apparently, was the last time the Secret Service was on top of anything.'

CHE - 'After the Supreme Court declined to rule on the issue of same-sex marriage, it is now legal in 30 States. I'm happy for some same sex couples. But I feel bad for a group of people that still get ignored in this country. And that's, gay dudes who really, really don't wanna get married. And had a really good excuse not to for so long. I know there's some dead beat gay boyfriends out there, like, 'Yo, Carl, you know I wanna marry you...but society man, just won't let us! Oh well -- I guess we gotta just keep boning casually till the world gets its act together.'

JOST - 'The mystery surrounding the well-being and location of North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un deepened Friday when he missed a ceremony paying tribute to his late father and grandfather. Some think he has been overthrown, but my money is on more of a Winnie the Pooh type situation.'

JOST - 'Police in New Jersey are saying that someone broke into the Yogi Berra Museum and stole several pieces of the Yankee great's memorabilia. The suspect was described as 5 foot 7, white, and definitely Billy Crystal.'

CHE - 'This weekend is New York Comic Con -- the annual gathering of people whose comic books and genitals are kept in mint condition.'

CHE - 'A new restaurant is opening in Philadelphia that will pay its waiters 13 dollars an hour, but will not allow customers to tip them. The no tipping policy has been in effect for years among its black customers. I'm kidding that's a myth, black people tip. I top like 65 percent of the time.'

JOST - 'A Delaware woman was arrested after her four year-old daughter found packets of heroin in her bag and passed them out to the other children in her day care class. But on the bright side, those kids are now fantastic blues musicians.'

CHE - 'New research shows that reindeers in Norway have an unusually high level of radiation due to dust from the 1986 Chernobyl meltdown. In fact, you could even say they glow.'

CHE - 'British prosecutors are now saying that anyone caught posting revenge porn could face up to 14 years in prison. So you better not post that video we made, Pippa.'

JOST - 'On Friday, embattled New York Jets quarterback, Geno Smith celebrated his 24th birthday. Sadly, when Smith blew out the candles, his birthday wish was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.'

For more information on 'Saturday Night Live,' visit http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/



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