BWW Blog: Gillian Abbott - Graduation

How can one day sum up four life-changing years? This past Friday, May 24th I crossed the stage of Alice Tully Hall to receive my Bachelor of Fine Arts diploma from President Joseph W. Polisi of The Juilliard School. Like dancing, this moment held such significant meaning yet in it's ephemeral state it is hard to believe it happened, let alone share the experience- but I'll try my best.

My final year brought questions, trials, and lessons. It started in September with my debut at New York City Center in Fall for Dance Festival with my class of 2013. It was a taste of what's to come for all of us. Determined not to let "Senioritis" take over me, I kept myself busy the rest of the semester choreographing two solos for myself, learning a beautiful contemporary duet, and collectively creating the last New Dances piece I would perform. I was on an all-time high dancing really hard everyday, creating new work that I was excited to share and living in my own apartment where I lived freely, staying true to myself. I also planned a trip to Europe which I would take over winter break to audition for contemporary dance companies. Although this trip is not part of our school curriculum, it's encouraged and has become a common edition to senior year. My tour consisted of Geneva, Switzerland for Grand Theatre de Geneve, Den Haag, Holland for Nederlands Dans Theater 2, Rotterdam, Holland for Scapino Ballet and finally Gothenburg, Sweden for Goteborg Ballet.

During Christmas and New Years I geared up for my auditions by giving myself a ballet class everyday- which was harder than making it to Monday's early morning classes! I was eager to give it my best shot. My first stop was short and sweet. I loved the city of Geneva and dream of going there on my honeymoon one day, but imagining myself in the basement of an opera house everyday made me feel anxious. My quiet desire of finding independence from an institution or company began getting stronger. My next visit to Nederlands Dans Theater 2 strengthened that feeling. Although it was wonderful to visit with good friends and Juilliard alumni who are dancing there, I felt like it was very similar to school. I then headed to Gothenburg which surprisingly reminded me of Newfoundland, where the majority of my family is from, making me feel right at home. I loved the opera house, located right on the water, where the ballet company works and performs. After a great ballet class, we began the repertory part of the audition. About 15 minutes into the class I did a funny little move scooting through my arms and jammed my toe. Although it was incredibly painful I thought it would be fine after a few minutes. Instead it blew up to the size of a golfball and throbbed to the point of numbness. During our lunch break I went to the company's physical therapy office and had it checked out. The therapist didn't think it was broken and looked at me with affirmative eyes saying, "you're all the way over here, I would keep going if you can." That was all I needed to get me through! I changed the choreography to avoid using my right metatarsal and iced every moment I was on the side waiting for my turn to dance. Somehow I made it through six hours of dancing. When I got back to my hotel room I almost threw up. The adrenalin had worn off and my foot was bigger than before. I had to change my flight to come home sooner than planned, missing my last audition for Scapino Ballet.It turned out I had sprained my first three metatarsal ligaments and tore part of my big toe joint capsule causing a lot of swelling and bruising. This meant taking at least two full-weeks off before even getting back to barre. A rude awakening to begin my final semester at Juilliard. I wasn't able to perform in our Spring Repertory concert and all of a sudden I was faced with time to fill doing something other than dancing. After a dip of depression and panic I got myself together and asked myself what I needed in that time. First and foremost I wanted my foot to heal properly so physical therapy became my priority and I was diligent about working on my exercises. To keep my artistic spirit alive, I performed in Juilliard's edition of "Vagina Monologues" for V-Day. This made my bug for acting yell out for attention. I decided to spend the rest of my free time preparing a classical monologue, my first Shakespeare experience, and a contemporary monologue for theater auditions. I asked my acting teacher Richard Feldman, the Associate Director of the Drama Division, to work with me. The hour and half we spent playing with these two monologues was incredible. My unfortunate situation became such a positive opportunity to take advantage of my amazing school in new ways. I have strong faith that we are put in circumstances we need most. Although my injury tested my faith, it also strengthened it hugely.

After spring break I was almost back to full dancing and began rehearsing our Senior Production which my class had been anticipating all year. We produced a beautiful concert at the beginning of May that we were all proud of. Finally, I got to work with a mentor, "dance mamma", and dear friend Stacey Tookey to create my Senior Showcase solo- my final bow at Juilliard. Last week I performed this solo which told my story of the past four years, focusing on the self-doubt that lay behind and the huge dreams that lie ahead. My family, including my seven month old niece was there to watch!

So how does it feel to be done? All I can say is it was SO worth it. The low moments made me so much stronger and built character. As Laura Linney said in our commencement speech, "charisma is NOT character." Now I can truly say I know the difference. The high moments made me dream bigger than I ever thought possible. Next year I will live in New York City and freelance as a dancer and actor. I know it sounds very anti-climatic and uncertain, but I've decided a girl like me with dreams of a solo dance concert, playing Chekhov and Shakespeare's greats, and inspiring people at a universal level, cannot be tied to a contract quite yet! Juilliard has made me an artist and helped me define what I want to do with this huge privilege: I want to touch all the edges of the human heart and portray them truthfully, with my body or words, for an audience to feel.

The best advice I can give at this point in my life is advice given to me by my father which was to dream really big and make a plan to get there. "Failure seldom stops you. What stops you is the fear of failure."- Jack Lemmon

Love, Gillian

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