Thou Cream-Faced Loon! Top 10 Shakespearean Insults in Honor of SOMETHING ROTTEN!

By: Mar. 30, 2015
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Any theatre fan (and/or 9th grade literature student) will tell you that William Shakespeare had a true gift for coining beautiful phrases such as "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?," or "It is the east, and Juliet is the sun." And let's be real: what theatre nerd hasn't quoted Shakespeare to their significant other on at least one occasion?

But what are debatably better than his love poetry are his insults.

In the spirit of this season's Shakespeare-based musical SOMETHING ROTTEN!, which started previews last week and opens April 22, BroadwayWorld is taking you back to Elizabethan England. Below, we have compiled a list of the Top 10 Shakespearean insults of all time.

So in lieu of throwing Laura Benanti/Elsa Schraeder-worthy shade next time your co-worker utters something blasphemous like, "Who is Audra McDonald?" pull one of these out.


10. "Thou art a natural coward without instinct." - HENRY IV, PART ONE

9. "I'll beat thee, but I should infect my hands." - TIMON OF ATHENS

8. "Drunkenness is his best virtue, for he will be swine drunk, and in his sleep he does little harm, save to his bedclothes about him." - ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL

7. "No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe, I could find out countries in her." - COMEDY OF ERRORS

6. "There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune." - HENRY IV, PART ONE

5. "Thou art as fat as butter." - HENRY IV, PART ONE

4. "Thou art a flesh monger, a fool, and a coward." - MEASURE FOR MEASURE

3. "Thou art as loathsome as a toad." - TITUS ANDRONICUS

2. "I desire we may be better strangers." - AS YOU LIKE IT

1. "Thou art a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver'd, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mungril bitch." -KING LEAR. *drop microphone*

What's your favorite Shakespearean insult?


Something Rotten!, the completely original new musical comedy directed and choreographed by Tony Award winner Casey Nicholaw (The Book of Mormon, Aladdin), with music and lyrics by Grammy Award winner Wayne Kirkpatrick and Golden Globe Award nominee Karey Kirkpatrick and a book by Karey Kirkpatrick and best-selling author John O'Farrell, began performances on Broadway last night, March 23. Check out the first official curtain call below!

The celebrated cast of Broadway musical theater favorites includes Tony Award nominee Brian d'Arcy James (Shrek), Tony Award winner Christian Borle (Peter and the Starcatcher), Tony Award nominee John Cariani (Fiddler on the Roof), Heidi Blickenstaff ([title of show]), Tony Award nominee Brad Oscar (The Producers), Kate Reinders (Wicked), Tony Award nominee Brooks Ashmanskas (Martin Short: Fame Becomes Me), Peter Bartlett (Cinderella), Gerry Vichi (The Drowsy Chaperone) and Michael James Scott (The Book of Mormon).



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