Broadway 2010

[Disneyland Magic Man]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 3:30am

So next season looks absolutely boring. Here's a few ideas that I think all you producers out there need to consider to make everyone feel like Broadway isn't going down the crapper.

Recast The Addams Family - Rosie O'Donnel has been itching to get back to the Great White Way. She pulled off Betty Rubble in the Flintstones... why not Morticia Addams? No one likes Bebe in the part. And the show is bad. At least Rosie'd make it interesting.

Revive Let My People Come - Nude's back. Hair doesn't even have to meet normal theater capacity levels to show no sign of closing. And people like nudity (Spring Awakening anyone?). Two hours of naked people singing about dirty sex. No costumes needed. No set. It could play to 30 percent capacity and not need to close.

Revive Gypsy again - People would kill to see the show again. Rosie hasn't done it yet. And if Tyne Daily can win a Tony for the role, I'm sure Rosie could too. I bet Harvey Firestein is dyeing to get his hands on the part as well. Let him. It'll be fun. And if not them, Sutton Foster will play it eventually. Why not now?

You could make the following things into musicals. Regardless of if they are any good or not, they'll sell tickets:

-Twilight the Musical - Cast Aaron Tyvett as Edward and Ceilia Keenan-Bolger as Bella. Better yet, Robert Pattinson played a bunch of horrid acoustic sets in LA before the first movie came out... let him do the role. Let him even write the music himself, shoot. All he'd have to do is come out on stage, sing a song or two and be a bad actor and it'd sell out every night.

-Glee the Musical - Every brainless teenager who's ever been in a musical or choir in high school will come to this. Can the show though, it's too hard to get that auto-tuned sound live. The audience won't mind. They'd be offended if it didn't sound that way.

-The Best Of Both Worlds - A musical from the Miley Cyrus songbook. Millions of dollars to be made here.

-Two Girls One Cup - You want to look away... but you just can't.

And if we're not sure that any of these are good ideas, just remember the following things haven't been done on stage in a Broadway musical. YET.

-Actual breast-feeding.
-Someone literally pooping. On the stage. And maybe eating it.
-Evil clowns.
-Bareback sex.
-Singing and dancing vegetables. As the main characters.
-Demonic possession along the lines of The Exorcist or The Exorcism of Emily Rose.
-Actual child-birth.
-Singing about the need to cut one's self.
-Animal death.
-Actual human death.
-Getting tattood.
-Golden showers.
-Canibalism.
-Child pornography.
-Serious rape.

So, dear Broadway producers, while these ideas might sound stupid or a little extreme... just remember, you cast Patti LuPone in Gypsy, promoted teenage sex in Spring Awakening, encouraged a musical number that resulted to farting and burping in Shrek, and let Alice Ripley yell about a BFA on the Tony Awards.

And these shows all did pretty darn good.

[aasjb4ever]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 12:32pm

Get help.

[StephanieJBlockFan]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 2:56pm

You know how ****ed up this is right? What are you some like creepy pedophile that lives in you moms basement??

[quizking101]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 3:04pm

"Revive Gypsy again...."

After reading that, I wanted to go bonkers... That show is being beaten to death (in fact, i wrote a post about it a few days back). Let it simmer 10 year before another revival...


"Recast The Addams Family - Rosie O'Donnel has been itching to get back to the Great White Way..."

Bebe is a fabulous actress and she perfectly fits the physical being of the character (Morticia is MEANT to be tall and slender) If you toss Rosie on that stage with Nathan Lane..it will have to be retooled into "The Biggest Loser: The Musical"

[MusicSnob1]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 3:25pm

THESE SOCK PUPPETS ARE SO BORING!!!

Try harder.

[Felm_heart]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 3:30pm

Well, that was mildly disturbing.

[springawoken819]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 4:20pm

Thanks for that. I had a good laugh.

(Sad as it is, Twilight and Miley would both make ****-tons of money.... but please don't.)

[MrJNLong]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 4:31pm

I would just like everyone to know how brilliant I thought the original post in this thread was. I laughed. I cried. Brilliant satire. I really liked it.
Of course, I thought it was obvious the op was speaking tongue-in-cheek to highlight some of the disturbing trends Broadway has taken. I guess 'obvious' was not the right word, judging by some of the responses (unless they were just playing along with the satire, in which case I say bravo!) .

[jamiekennywicked]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 5:34pm

I thought people liked Bebe

[Disneyland Magic Man]

Posted: 1/3/10 at 9:07pm

The post was completely sarcastic. It was commenting on the ridiculousness of Broadway in recent years. And while there have been MANY surprises that keep my faith in the art-form, 2010 doesn't look promising at all.