BWW Recap: Broadway's Patti Murin Breaks Down Finale of First 'Real' Season of THE BACHELORETTE
Tonight, Broadway's favorite cheerleader, Patti Murin, is sharing her expert insights into "The "Bachelorette" season finale. Did Andi give her final rose to Josh or Nick? Did he accept it? Did he propose? And what is this secret letter that Chris hands Andi before the Rose Ceremony?
No matter what the answers to these questions are, Patti has all of the scoop with the insight that only a true Bacheloretteaholic can have. If you like what you seen in this column, you must head over to @PattiMurin and check out her live-tweets. Needless to say, Patti's not much for holding back; and that's why we love her!
If you love Patti's honesty and sense of humor, you "literally," have to go and see her solo caberet debut, "Literally Patti Murin" on Monday, August 11th at 7:00pm at 54 Below. She "will forgo the safety of standards to perform songs exclusively from the new musicals in which she has originated a role. It will literally be one of the best nights of your (her) life." For full details, and to purchase lots and lots of tickets, click here.
Ok, enough from us, you are here for Patti, so take it away...
So here we are, after 26 potential mates, 4,237 roses and 56 continents, at the season finale of the latest edition of "The Bachelorette." Having seen every single season of this franchise, I can say, with authority, that this has been one of the most "real" in the history of the show. "The Bachelorette" has a working brain, there was an actual conversation about Syria, and one of the contestants died a tragic death halfway through filming. It was a gentle reminder that these characters we watch on reality TV shows are, indeed, human beings. But despite all of that, there was still plenty of fun and romance to be had as we watched Andi Dorfman, a 27 year old District Attorney from Atlanta, decide who she wanted to give the final rose, and her heart, to. (That was so cheesy!!! Love it.)
The episode begins in true "Bachelorette" Finale fashion, with a live audience full of coiffed women with sympathetic faces they have practiced in the mirror all week, secretly hoping the reject will notice them, and Chris Harrison teasing the upcoming episode until he essentially gives away the ending. He mentions that the man Andi DIDN'T choose has attempted to talk to her twice since she dumped him, and we instantly know that Nick is going to lose because he is obviously a professional stalker. End of recap, goodnight all!
Just kidding, we still have an hour and 56 minutes to go! We are whisked away to the Dominican Republic, with its sweeping beaches, crystal clear water, and general similarity to every other tropical location they have ever visited. We are down to the final two men competing for Andi's love, and first up to meet the family is Contestant #1, Nick, who is a 33-year-old Software Executive from Wisconsin. I've never trusted Nick, with his beady eyes and general murderer vibe, but Andi seems to genuinely enjoy his company and the "passion" that they share, which apparently doesn't translate through TV cameras. Nick arrives at the Casa de Campo, where Andi is staying, and greets Andi's dad, Hy, with a bottle of rum of some sort. This is smart considering that Hy proved himself to be a real tough customer last season when Andi brought Juan Pablo home to meet her family on one of his Hometown Dates. Conversation at lunch with Andi's parents and sister is stilted, and the silence is only filled by Nick's self-deprecating humor. Andi seems to think it's going well though, and soon after Nick makes Andi's mom (her name is Patti!) cry with joy, he and Hy go around the corner to have the requisite father/possible son-in-law talk. Nick could not be more awkward as he giggles his way through asking Hy for Andi's hand in marriage, and shockingly, Hy says yes without a fight. Guess that bottle of Mama Juana worked.
Next up is Contestant #2, Josh, who is a 29-year-old Former Pro Baseball Player from Atlanta. Not a Pro Baseball Player, but a FORMER Pro Baseball Player. Josh hasn't dropped a single clue all season as to what he does now to make money, but baseball is obviously a very big part of his past, so we don't ask questions because he blinds us with his beautiful smile and perfect hair and rippling muscles and what were we talking about?
Josh does well with the family at lunch at the Casa de Campo and obviously has a very easy rapport with Andi. He welcomes any question that the family has for him, and answers them directly and confidently. Josh has his time with Hy, which Hy precedes by telling us that he doesn't know a lot about Josh. "You went off and went after your dream, and then you went back to college, and now you've started a career, and now you've gone and done this, and you've met Andi, sounds to me like you're ready to sort of...you know..." Which tells us absolutely nothing new, but Josh impresses Hy enough that he gives Josh his blessing and a man hug. Cut to a wide shot as they walk back to Andi, and we see that they accidentally wore the same blue shirt/white shorts combo to lunch. Adorable! Well, they do say that you end up marrying your dad.
The next day, Andi goes on her final date with Josh, which, like most dates in tropical locations, starts off on a boat. The words "journey", "process", and "chapter" are used no less than 72 times, and Josh's white teeth and perfectly shaped eyebrows threaten to steal the show. Andi is still having doubts and uses the phrase "too good to be true" enough that it becomes the new "here for the right reasons." They continue the date back in his palatial suite at the Casa de Campo (yup, that place again) and Josh reassures Andi that he has absolutely no doubts about her and how he feels about her, all while rocking a pair of coral man pants that should be retired faster than Derek Jeter's number. I have to say, though, it's refreshing to see someone on this show resembling a real man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to ask for it. Good work, Josh.
The next day, Andi has her last date with Nick, and we all say a silent prayer that she doesn't end up dead at the end of it. They start by off-roading in the woods, so the outlook is not great. They eventually make it to a clearing where Nick "um"s, "you know"s and "like"s his way through the conversation, all while refusing to make eye contact with her and silently plotting how to get rid of the cameraman. That evening, they go to HIS palatial suite at the Casa de Campo (which is now booked through 2047 due to the incessant plugging of it on this episode), where he proceeds to dump all of his anxieties on her. It turns out that Nick has been engaged before and doesn't want to have any doubts at all the next time he proposes. It seems to me that he is trying to inform Andi that he will not, in fact, be proposing if she chooses him, and Andi is forced to reassure him that "it will be all right". Nick smiles creepily, they make out, and Andi's life is spared for one more night.
The next sequence shows everyone getting ready on Final Rose Ceremony Day, and includes the required shirtless shots of Nick and Josh (Josh is the clear abs contest winner) as they stand on their balconies and greet the sun as it rises over the beautiful Dominican Republic waters. Josh picks out his best lilac polo and meets up with Neil Lane, the jewelry designer known mainly for his bi-annual appearances on The "Bachelor/ette." He chooses an exceptionally large and sparkly ring that I could tell you more about if I knew anything about diamonds or rings or jewelry in general. All I know is that I would be happy to wear it.
Cut to: Andi knocking on Nick's door. BEFORE the rose ceremony. WEARING HER CASUAL BEACHWEAR. He is alarmed. And he is right to be.
We then take a moment to check in with the "Bachelor/ette" alums in the audience to see if they can correctly predict what is about to happen, but it's really just a chance for our favorite crazies from past seasons to stand up and show off their new hairdos. We quickly return to the action.
Andi does an excellent job of skipping most of the awkward small talk, with just a "How's it going?" and a "Why don't you come chat?" before she starts right in on dumping Nick's shifty-eyed murder-y ass. Andi uses Nick's own words to describe how she feels towards him, which is that "it's not right." She stands her ground and tries to let him down as easy as possible, all while thanking her lucky stars that none of the decorative pottery in the room is within Nick's angry grasp. Nick says he woke up "excited and scared," but he should have known better. I mean, look what happened to Jessie Spano and Little Red. Chris Harrison is obviously in cahoots with Mother Nature, and a perfectly timed rainstorm punctuates the mood as Nick packs in shock, and Andi drives away in tears. Mainly because she's happy to still have all of her fingers and toes.
Later that day, the sun is shining and Andi steps out into the designated Rose Ceremony/Possible Proposal area in a long white gown and a half-updo that the Suave guy from all those annoying "Bachelorette" hair commercials obviously did. Josh steps out of his SUV, bursting at the seams with excitement. And also because his jacket is a size and a half too small. Andi follows the formula and scares him into thinking she isn't going to choose him before she finally lets the cat out of the bag (or her hair) and tells him that she does, indeed, love him. If I'm being 1000% honest here, I have to say that I got a little teary watching Andi and Josh profess their love for each other for the first time. Maybe because this is the first "real" season of "The Bachelor/ette" franchise, their love actually seems honest and genuine, and it's as if maybe they did know it was meant to be from the first time they saw each other.
Andi and Josh sit on the dock watching the sun set, before heading inside the Casa de Campo to have monogamous sex for the first time.
And with that another awe-inspiring season of "The Bachelorette" has come to an end. Thank you so much to the incomperable Patti Murin for being our Celebrity Guest-Recapper tonight! If you are either a fan of theatre and/or fun, you must follow her @PattiMurin. You also need to go out and buy lots and lots and lots of tickets to "Literally Patti Murin" on August 11th at 7:00pm. No seriously, do it now. You can buy tickets here.